Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival . ~ C.S. Lewis

Despite what Simon & Garfunkel once sang, we are neither rocks, nor islands, as many of us (especially those drawn to live in the metropolis that is New York!) might want to be. The irony of course is that the very nature of being human means we are part of a greater whole and must interact with other human beings on many levels. Yet a sense of connection and belonging doesn’t always come from the family, tribe or culture we are born into so we must create that connection authentically, first within ourselves and then with others.

Relationships are one of the most difficult areas for us homo sapiens to navigate, and they are the biggest source of our pleasure as well as our pain.  The past three years or so we have had an advanced course in them; I for one can say as difficult as it’s been, have learned some new and deeper versions of lessons I know will serve me well in the future, all of which culminated in a super-summer intensive, with this harvest season reaping the wisdom culled from that journey.

Some of those nuggets include: finding the balance between losing ourselves/being co-dependent versus isolating and becoming a monk (or a psychopath); having boundaries and not taking on/feeling responsible for another’s emotional or other type of well-being; nurturing yourself, no one can know exactly what you need but you; seeing people and relationships as they really are, not how you’d like them to be. And regarding those close/intimate relationships that are more difficult or challenging, keep in mind that that person – whether parent, boss, spouse, sibling, lover, friend, child – is just the actor playing a role in a scenario you have created in order to heal and grow.

Lastly, the people you choose to allow into your life – friends/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner- should meet certain criteria. The word ‘friend’ especially has been so diluted and watered down with the use of Facebook and social media you need to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff and discern the Apples and Oranges.

The foundation of a relationship with anyone deserving of your time and energy must include understanding, appreciation and respect. You should be able to check off at least two of these to be considered a friend, and if you are fortunate to have someone in your life who truly understands, appreciates and respects you, then you are very, very lucky and should treasure and honor that relationship for the special gem that it is.

The bottom line is, You Gotta Have Friends, and making time for friendships and your most important relationships is not a luxury but a necessity. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to -day busyness of life, but we need to discipline ourselves to create space for connecting with the people who love and accept us, who know and understand us, with whom we share interests and history, and have grown together, not apart.

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on October 2, 2012)

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While walking down the street after a bizarre week of odd ‘coincidences’ and uncanny timings, I happened to look up and notice the announcement board of a synagogue with this quote by feminist/activist/author Robin Morgan, “Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible.”

One definition of the word absurd is “inconsistent with reason or logic or common sense,” which means that any decisions or actions deemed as such perhaps come from a place that we can’t always understand, but know is from somewhere deep within us.

The presidents whose holiday we just celebrated had a bit of that going on: George Washington’s advisers seriously questioned his determination to cross the frozen Delaware, and he intuitively knew how to present himself as a leader for this new country; Abraham Lincoln’s life is full of examples of how he went against conventional wisdom and popular opinion.  Both men defied the odds by listening to their own conscience, inner voice and moral compass, and because of that became the great men we honor now..

Part of maturing is learning how to trust your own gut despite outside influences.  While advice can be helpful, when we are honest with ourselves, we are usually our own best counsel. Others might not know who we really are or may not have our best interests at heart. And I’m sure we can all remember times when we’ve dealt with the consequences of not heeding the wisdom of our gut…

My guess is that Adam Sandler trusts his intuition as to what is funny or not regardless of what the Hollywood suits might say, and from his start back in the SNL days, he expressed a unique kind of silly humor that had yet to be considered commercially viable.  Well, we all know how that turned out!

When I meet with clients, often I am simply validating and confirming what they already know but were too embarrassed, in denial, doubtful or repressed to pursue or even admit.  If when a complete stranger is able to tell you that the “crazy” idea you have, that thing you’ve always wanted to do, the life that you always dreamed of, is exactly the direction you should be going in – based on the dots I’ve connected in less than two hours and without you specifically divulging what it was –  then just go with it! It’s the green light you’ve been waiting for to produce that smash box-office hit starring none other than YOU!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on February 22, 2011)

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

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We are cursed with the blessing of consciousness and choice, a two-edged sword that both divides us and can help us become whole… The divided life may be endemic, but wholeness is always a choice. ~ Parker Palmer

When interviewed on Super Soul Sunday, spiritual thought leader and author Marianne Williamson, who recently ran for Congress but lost in the primary, said the higher purpose of democracy is that all people are “guaranteed the opportunity to self-actualize.”

I was riveted by her comments right at the end of the interview, because she was able to articulate so succinctly my philosophy about and understanding of this country, which I embody in my talks like “Who Are You and What Are You Supposed to Be Doing with Your Life?” and “Use Your Freedom to Create the Life of Your Dreams”. It is why I have always believed in and loved being American, even if I haven’t always been proud of it.

Regardless of what stage of growth our nation is in its own personal growth, the US is still a special place that allows us to become the highest and best versions of ourselves, the ease of which is tempered by varying degrees of circumstance, luck and justice.  Not only can we elect our government representatives, but we can elect ourselves to run our own personal life race, and make an infinite number of choices that enable us to be who we are meant to be due to a more palpable, if not literal, freedom than most, if not any, other country on this planet.

But no matter where you are citizen, we have more of a say in our lives than the external world of politics, religion, and capitalism would have us (or want us) to believe.  If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that your life at this very moment is a culmination and sum total of every choice you’ve ever made.  Depending on whether or not you like where you’re at, meaning if you don’t like it or want to make it even better, you can make different choices to result in a different direction.

If we summon the political will to use the power that really is in our hands, we can elect to react to any situation with love or fear, anger or compassion, understanding or hate. We can choose when and where to get involved outside of ourselves and make decisions that bring us either closer to or further from our authentic self and goals.  I know where my vote goes!

We cast our internal ballot to either stew in a sea of what ifs, and shoulda coulda wouldas, or instead deal with the reality of what’s in front of us as it stands, taking responsibility and the appropriate action in order to plow forward and create a more favorable outcome.  Try not to have any hanging chads here….

We can choose our thoughts, making sure they are positive and expansive; we can acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves to feel everything – good bad or ugly – so we can govern them once we accept and learn from the awareness they are bringing to our attention. I’ve been campaigning for this for years!

In other words, we have the right to vote with our consciousness and use it accordingly no matter what the circumstance. Make sure you are exercising this fundamental liberty in every area of your life – your work, your relationships, your health, and your community.

Need a little help getting comfortable with your own personal polling place? Give me a buzz, and I’ll keep you honest in towing the party line of YOU, knowing that your victory will benefit a constituency that includes your family, friends, neighbors and perhaps even the world!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on November 4, 2014)

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

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CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON