Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness . ~ Khalil Gibran

If you look for truth, you may get comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and, in the end, despair. ~ C.S. Lewis

New Year’s always stirs up thoughts about what we want to change in our lives, but that means you need to have a good idea of what needs to change in the first place — and like the famous prayer says, have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Getting to that accurate perception is the first step, and might actually be more important than making the change; therefore perhaps our work this year is to “snap out of it” and instead see ourselves, situations and people as they really are, not how we’d like them to be. Then and only then can real change begin.

Humans, especially 21st century versions, want what we want when we want it; our media and technology only makes this worse, fueling our impulses and imagination with its magnified distortion of time, place and interaction; they enable us to more easily delude ourselves in thinking our situation is one way when it is in fact another; when we think a job, our health, or a relationship is positive when it’s not, or vice versa. They distract us and makes us forget that anything lasting is a process and requires massive amounts of reflection, patience and perseverance.

As the biblical saying goes, “Know the truth and the truth shall set you free”. It’s not always fun getting there. Letting go of lifelong dreams and illusions as well as accepting ourselves, people and circumstances as they are — relinquishing any hope that they are or will become what or who you wish them to be — can be extremely painful and, in fact, feel like a death that you need to grieve.

The good news is that knowing and accepting the truth affords us a more profound, productive and meaningful life experience when we know what is real. When we live from that place we can then make better decisions about addressing any situation, how to improve it or let it go — the more accurate the assessment, the more effective the solution can be.

Because of my talent for connecting the dots, cutting through the “crap” and getting to the root of things quickly and directly, my clients might not like what I have to tell them at first — yet they always come back to me days, weeks or years later and admit it was not necessarily what they wanted to hear, but ultimately exactly what they needed at the time. (And saved them thousands of dollars in therapy!)

The truth can be overwhelming but once you acknowledge it, you can really start to move forward. So before you seriously embark any resolutions, begin there. It’s Strong Medicine to start off the year, but essential if you want to get healthy in any area of your life.

Feeling like A Change is Gonna Come, but not sure how to make it happen? Give me a buzz and I’ll be the doctor with the diagnosis and that spoon full of sugar to make the medicine go down! ❤

(Today’s PGG was originally published on January 7, 2014)

Click here for PGG newsletter with my introductory note to this essay

With the current release of films like Lincoln and Django Unchained, and BET’s bringing the acclaimed ’70’s TV series Roots out of the vault [and more recently 12 Years a Slave and Birth of a Nation], there’s been a spotlight on and discussion about this essential part of our nation’s history both on screen and off.

Whether or not you are a direct descendant of someone who lived or worked on a plantation in the 19th century, all of us in the 21st century, no matter who or where we came from, can check in to see which areas of our lives need to be emancipated from the tyranny of whatever is keeping us down, holding us back and making us feel “less-than” in both subtle and overt ways.

Oprah expressed it perfectly when she called slavery “A machine to create inferiority.”  You can only imagine what amazing strength, utter self-belief and profound self-worth was required to break out of that mentality, to really know who you are and be able to simply exist, let alone thrive, despite others perceiving you and often treating you in, well, let’s just say a most unfavorable way. What it would take to preserve and protect your self, your spirit and your soul under such circumstances is beyond comprehension.

We certainly continue to struggle in a variety of ways with the legacy and repercussions of slavery in terms of race, while at the same time have come very far. But regardless of the color of our skin, there are more inconspicuous ways that we are judged – much of which has to do with what we think of ourselves when we look in the mirror, are alone with our thoughts, and by the choices we make in every area of our lives.

The foundation of who we are reaches far and wide throughout our work, relationships, health and everyday life, so the stronger and deeper your tree grows, the more you can weather even a storm like Sandy. Yes, you might lose a few branches along the way, but you won’t be knocked out for good! So take some time this month to connect to the root of who you are, using this last part of of the [summer] to develop, heal and love yourself so you can blossom more fully come [Fall].

You might have some family roots to dig up or some grass roots to build up in the process, but the bottom line is that if you look at any problem, challenge or change you want to make and trace it back to its ultimate root – if you’re honest with yourself – will find that the buck stops with you. Remember, this is always good news – because that means you can do something about it.

Having a little trouble connecting all the literal and metaphorical genealogical dots of your career and life? Give me a buzz, and I will help you get to the root the matter, so just like Alex Haley searching for Kunta Kinte in Africa you can shout, “I found you!”

CLICK HERE FOR PGG WITH INTRODUCTORY NOTE CELEBRATING JUNETEENTH

(Today’s PGG was originally published on February 13, 2013)

Life’s most persistent question is: What are you doing for others? ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

One of the most common desires I hear from clients when embarking on a new career or making a transition is that they want to do something with meaning, something that helps people.

My approach is to ask them: “What is the thing that makes you, you? What you are passionate about; when do you lose track of time?” I inquire as to what their fantasy job would be, and very rarely does that answer have to do with becoming a social worker or joining the Peace Corps.

You don’t have to become the next Mother Teresa, Gandhi or MLK to make a difference and live your life in service to others. Perhaps that may be your path, but as Dr. King also said, “Everyone can be great because everyone can serve.” Running for public office or volunteering on a regular basis can certainly fill that role, but service can be expressed in myriad forms that aren’t always so obvious or grandiose. Just being yourself and doing your best at YOU allows us to benefit from whatever unique gifts and talents you possess.

When one’s work is done with love and integrity, every job is one of service. MLK day is also about celebrating diversity, which can refer to many things, including one’s occupation. Every job helps make the world go round. Whether it’s the super taking care of your building, the bus driver making sure you get to your destination safely, the guy who makes your coffee and bagel every morning, the janitor that cleans the public restrooms you use, the designer of the clothes you are wearing, the comedian that made you laugh last night, the singer whose song you enjoyed on your iPod, or the writer whose novel you devoured over the weekend — no occupation is too insignificant. As long as their work was done to the best of one’s ability, it’s easy to see how any of those people have served you on some level.

And regardless of your job, there is also the service you can provide by smiling at someone when you’re walking down the street, or showing kindness to a stranger; you’ll notice how, for moment, you made someone happy or uplifted them in some way.

The thing that I enjoy most and lose track of time doing is talking to folks about their life’s work and helping them make their everyday existence as meaningful and peaceful as possible. I would love the opportunity to help you connect the dots of your life, create more work/life balance and recognize the value in whatever you do, so just give me a buzz as I am always here, at your service.

(Today’s PGG was originally published on January 18, 2011)

Click here for PGG newsletter with introductory note to this essay

I am weeping as I type this. The tears are a mix of sorrow and hope: Sorrow for the violence, hatred and fear that I am witnessing and observing from every direction (especially sitting in the heart of NYC); and hope, knowing that others are waking up and taking a stand in whatever way they can, even if that means simply educating themselves about the issues at hand.

I also have hope when I remind myself that what we are currently experiencing is part of the deep transformational process we are in the midst of – a death of unjust systems and a detoxification of unresolved trauma and anguish that have needed to be addressed for centuries. (Click here for my note from last week, which highlighted this as well).

Due to the acceleration and magnification that comes as a result of social media, things are being brought to the surface at a new level (a process that’s been in the works for a while in our country, but started to heat up in 2016). For a gross analogy – although apparently many people like this sort of thing since they made a TV show about it – it’s like the pimple is being popped so that the real healing can begin.

In my talk for NYWICI on Thursday (my first virtual one[click to watch]; thank you to all who attended and are new here!) I spoke about how we all have a job to do in this moment – we are all living and breathing and co-creating history. What is your part to play? How will you look back on this time and what will you have contributed? A good place to start is always with yourself. Taking this opportunity to transform your own beliefs and/or heal your own pain. This is the only way change can be permanent and sustainable.

I will be talking more about that at some point soon, but for now, I want to share how I used my personal Facebook account this week to give you some idea of how you might use your own, and/or provide some thoughts that might be helpful. I welcome your feedback – positive or negative. (And if we’ve met or worked together, feel free to friend me there where you can comment directly as well.)

CLICK HERE TO READ ENTIRE PGG ESSAY WITH FACEBOOK POST