We can never obtain peace in the outer world until we make peace with ourselves. ~ Dalai Lama

He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home.  ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I was recently asked by an attendee at one of my talks, “Are you happy?” It was the first time I had been so directly posed that question, and it took a minute to figure out how I would answer, because for me, happiness is not a state of being; it’s a superficial feeling, a temporary, descriptive way to express a reaction to a gesture, creature comfort or occasion.

I answered by saying I don’t really think about being “happy” but am generally able to navigate life in a way that does not fluster me at my core. In other words, my overall evaluation of my existence does not depend on whichever way the wind is blowing. At this point in my life, I am grounded in and connected to who I am, surfing the unpredictability and chaos of external circumstances as they arise, experiencing joy and pleasure when appropriate, and mitigating the inevitable stress and sorrow with various tools and techniques I have gathered and developed to get me through when times are not so hunky-dory (there are plenty!). And I am grateful for it all, as I know in the end whatever is happening is for my greater good.

I do work that is immensely fulfilling and have relationships I value tremendously. I am constantly growing and evolving by overcoming challenges big and small, and I allow myself to rest and reflect until another cycle begins. I am human, therefore I strive to understand and accept everything that entails. I have my own issues and areas of growth and healing that call out to be addressed; I feel my feelings and give them the space, time and respect to inform me of what has to be confronted or released, either internally or externally in a particular situation, and then heed the call to the best of my ability. I pay attention to and take care of my needs. I go with the flow. I recognize and honor the fact that I am a creative being. I love and trust myself.

It was a long answer to what appeared to be a simple question. The next day, upon further reflection, I realized the simple answer: What I was saying was that I am at peace, which is far more profound. Or put another way, having a sense of inner peace = my version of being happy.

With all the emphasis and research in our current culture on “happiness” — an obsession only magnified and distorted by social media — you can be easily fooled into thinking you are somehow deficient in this department. The better question to ask yourself is “Am I at peace?” Happiness is great while it lasts, but that’s the point — it’s transient. Yet with awareness, practice and discipline over time, peace can be permanent.

Peace allows you to be the calm in the center of a storm, and the glow of joy in the midst of abundance.

Peace acknowledges that there are ups and downs and stresses in life, but it never lets you be affected by them in the deepest part of who you are.

Peace means even in times of anxiety or fear, you are just observing surface feelings that wreak havoc on your psyche until you recognize what they are trying to teach you — which is usually an exercise in love and acceptance of yourself and the here and now and/or what you can and cannot control.

Peace is the solid foundation that becomes integrated in every cell of your being and accompanies you with whomever and wherever you are.

As the great Mahatma Gandhi said, “Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.”

I often quote the song, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” It may be too hippy-dippy or cliche for you, but it’s true. As I say in my talks, we all have our individual spheres of influence, i.e., “happy wife, happy life.” We all know how it feels to be around someone in a good mood, who’s truly relaxed, maybe just back from a vacation or in love, or one of those rare folks who just embodies a sustained level of chill and contentment. Conversely, when someone is really down, toxic, or generally negative in outlook, we know how that can permeate the entire environment.

Emotional energy and good or bad vibes are contagious — especially to those of us who are highly sensitive. You must realize then that no matter who you are, you have more influence than you think you do. Who do you want to be: someone who brings peace, calm and/or joy wherever you go or in times of crisis, or the Debbie or Dougie Downer, the Negative Nelly or Neil, the one who poisons the atmosphere around you? Here’s where you don’t need a special superpower or fancy costume to be a hero!

Train yourself to be mindful of what you are putting out there or carrying with you; go inward to listen to yourself instead of automatically focusing outward to distraction or detachment. Express gratitude wherever you can in thought, word and deed. Bring your awareness and attention to every moment, to what are you thinking, feeling and sensing about the truth and reality of the situation AS IT IS — not as you are doomsday-ing it to be or wishing it was or regurgitating some imagined past version of a problem — because today’s realization is what creates tomorrow’s solution. The more you can Be Here Now, the more you can exercise that presence muscle, the deeper the well of peace you can draw upon when you need it most.

Have you been crying lately, Thinkin’ about the world as it is? As I have often said, especially in these tumultuous times, each of us has a responsibility to create “peace in our piece of the pie.” What are you doing to contribute? ’Cause out on the edge of darkness, There rides a Peace Train.

Want to get all aboard but not sure how? Give me a buzz, and I’ll be the conductor who puts you on the right track. We’ll fire up the steam engine and get you smiling on a regular basis, thinking about the good things to come! 

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Perfection is the enemy of good. – Voltaire

Unlike what Fox News, ISIS, PETA or Kanye might have you believe, there are very few absolutes in life, and extremism in thought, word or deed is never the route to go. Like the Buddha says of a string on the sitar, if it’s too tight it will break, too loose and you won’t get any sound from it. Either way, the music dies. Life does not exist in black or white, but in fact is found in the many shades between.

Everyone has ways to escape or numb, whether from current circumstances and the daily grind, or from unresolved pain of the past. And when there is no awareness around the suffering and its source, the turmoil is turned inward as unhealthy behaviors, addiction or abuse, or directed outward as jealousy, hatred or violence in its many forms toward “others.”

In this era of plasticsurgery-photoshopping-selfie-celebrityworshopping-heylookatmyfabulouslife culture, it’s easy to think the grass is always greener, or that everyone but you has their act together or has an easy-breezy life. As someone who works intimately with hundreds of folks for a living, I can tell you that no one has it all together. Everyone has issues. It’s just which issues, in which department (relationships, money, sex, career, family, physical, mental and/or emotional health), and to what extent. And if you didn’t have the issue you have, you would have different one. But you’d have one. Or two, or three, generally all connected. It’s just the way it works.

The question is: How well do you acknowledge, accept, and then begin the process of addressing them?

The idea that there is some level of “perfection” that we can attain in our lives, in our mates, our work, our bodies, our lifestyle, is fiction. It doesn’t exist. No one is perfect. The mere fact that we are human beings means that we exist in order to heal and grow. It means that we are inherently flawed and are expressly alive to learn certain lessons and make whole the various parts of our mind, body and soul that are dis-eased.

When you come to terms with the fact that you are a beautifully imperfect being and become aware of the imperfections, love yourself in spite of them; then with compassion and discipline, set out to improve or change what you can. Then, and only then, are we able to start accepting one another: our family, our neighbors, our enemies, or anyone who is simply different from us in color or creed. Remember that fellow humans might be having a harder time recognizing and dealing with their own problems and pain right now – we all wake up to our humanness at our own pace, sometimes not of our own choosing. This is why we need a steady flow and heaping amounts of patience, empathy and kindness in our world.

Just as the journey is more important than the destination, the striving is more important than the actual perfection. It means we are constantly evolving into the best, most kick-ass, peaceful versions of ourselves, accentuating the positive and mitigating or transmuting the not-so-positive. The daily choices we make, the love that we give and receive,  the joy and the sadness and anger and passion we allow ourselves to feel, knowing that it is not going to be the same emotion every day all day. There are sunny days and there are cloudy days, and we appreciate both equally. As we experience our challenges, we know that victory is right around the corner, and in those moments of happiness we know at some point we will again feel sadness or disappointment. It’s just the way it works.

How can we move toward a balanced, healthy life without knowing where we need to focus in order to heal and grow? Use this time the way a med student would study the body, inside and out: Truly see all of who you are and embrace it. Accept it. Love it. Then take a look at those around you and do the same. Then you can make an honest assessment about what needs a little therapy, a little remedy, or perhaps even surgery.

Think you might need someone in Private Practice to make sense of it all?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you avoid a soul-sucking Scandal and prove you most certainly cannot Get Away With Murder, preventing you from killing the dream of a prosperous, fulfilled life you absolutely can and deserve to have!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on February 12, 2015)

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A good friend would often quote a Yiddish sayingto me: Mensch tracht, Gott lacht. Man plans, God laughs.

The renowned Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh offers another perspective: “People sacrifice the present for the future. But life is possible only in the present.”

In this era of instant everything and a world of answers literally at our fingertips, one of the hardest things for us to do is live in that space where we don’t know what will happen next. With the unemployment rate at record highs, more and more people are learning the hard way how to experience life in this manner.

People in career transition, artists and freelancers have to operate without knowing where their next paycheck will be coming from. People in new relationships are at often at sea in unchartered emotional waters. Whenever we put ourselves in unfamiliar social territory or a take a trip to a place we’ve never been, we journey into the unknown — which is why it’s so important to travel; it’s one of the most natural ways to be in the present.

An easy way to add anxiety and stress in your life is to allow yourself to be overwhelmed by all the things you think you need to accomplish in the near or not-so-near future. The reality is that you can’t possibly know what tomorrow will bring, so you may as well trust that the right decision or action today will lead you where you need to go, even if you don’t know where you’re ultimately going.

So when your life is a big question mark or an empty slate, or if you find yourself in terra incognita, I can help you fill in the blanks and navigate your way through, or simply show you how to be okay with where you right now. Give me a buzz and I will be the lighthouse in the fog, the compass in your pocket, to help guide you to your most authentic destination, in time and on time!

(Today’s PGG was originally published in longer form on September 14, 2010)

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My first job out of college was teaching Spanish for grades 7-11 at a private school in New Jersey.  I started right before I turned 22.  I left way before I turned 23.

Fast-forward many, many moons when I found myself in a high school classroom again, this time in one NYC public school’s ninth grade to talk about social media.

Don’t ask. Those of you who know me will find this laughable since I am a recovering technophobe who probably wouldn’t even be online if I didn’t kinda have to be for my type of work.

It all happened very quickly – I was asked on a Wednesday if I would start the first of six classes the following Monday, and without much thinking said yes, I guess because I trusted the person and wanted to see if I could now handle the critters that gave me so much grief way back when.  Besides, I’ve been speaking/teaching for years, and I remember ninth grade being my favorite at the time, so why not? Social media? Apparently the entire curriculum would be provided, I just had to deliver it.

HAH!  After the first day, with little to no preparation or training, it was like being thrown into a tank with 40 cranky sharks – what did I get myself into?!?!  I held my own, but nearly quit. Other days it was like wrangling cats. But there were a few days of pure magic.

After surveying the students and finding out they spend nearly 100% of their free time on social media, I realized that a.) that’s the first problem, and b.) beyond the general predator and online reputation issues (along with their celebrity obsession), when looked at through the lens of cyberbullying and the associated psychological and physical tolls – as in murders and suicides – it quickly occurred to me that having them understand the proper and positive use of social media, texting and the internet could not be a more important and serious assignment…and that it was quite literally a matter of life and death.  In other words, I realized that since they live most of their lives on social media, I was really there to teach them about life.

Aha! Now that made sense, because that is what I do for my day job.  Let’s just say I tweaked the lesson plans I was provided.

It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. I could go on telling you how much I learned about kids, education, their future, our future, and the culpability of adults; the upsetting things I discovered about how our youth behave, what they think, what they do to each other; how they only care about being famous; how I tried in our short time together to turn some of those things upside down and instill them with completely new empowering ideas and perspectives (yes, the Golden Rule was one of the “new” concepts introduced after you could hear crickets when asked if anyone could tell me what it was); and how I held their attention with my knowledge of Justin Bieber (yes, I saw Never Say Never and was impressed – don’t laugh – it was relevant because of  how he used YouTube to become famous, but he is/was extremely talented and worked hard even though he’s had some trouble lately…not to mention second highest amount of followers on Twitter etc.)

I know this is probably the first and only time some of these kids will hear about such things, and I’m pretty sure I reached at least a few who will now think a little differently about their lives and the consequences of their actions, both online and off.  But I know for sure there was at least one who truly got it.

After the third lesson, which was the first on cyberbullying and the aforementioned wrangling cats day, I was caught off-guard when after class, a soft spoken but confident kid from the back of the room came up to me, shook my hand and said Miss, I just wanna let you know I really appreciate you.”  He had me at appreciate!  But he went on to say how disgusted he was with his classmates, that they weren’t taking this seriously and that he had been listening to a lot of Bob Marley lately and was looking for his purpose, how he wanted to be a leader and that today he found his calling.  STOP THE PRESSES.  “Purpose” and “calling” were the exact words he used. I cannot make this up. And you can imagine to someone who does a talk called “Who Are You and What Are You Supposed to Be Doing with Your Life?” it was like winning the lottery. 

My work was done, (or as my new colleague Karim goes: “Boom!” while gesturing the dropping of a mic and exiting stage left.) even if no one else got it and they did not listen to the next three lessons!

Junior (his actual nickname) and I talked about how he might accomplish such a mission, and I asked if he would like to start by talking to the class.  Our final day together he did just that – the first time he ever spoke in front of a room! And he was an unlikely candidate to do so according to him and his teachers who say he’s not a great student, and he admittedly wasn’t even the best kid but recently had a change of heart  – and my class helped to solidify and confirm his new direction.  With no coaching from anyone, he spoke for almost 15 minutes about how his peers need to wake up and take life and education “fa real” and do something that helps others. I couldn’t have been more inspired and proud, as I know for anyone, especially at that age, to get up in such an environment and speak his truth was quite remarkable.  It was one of the best days of my life.

I tell you all this because I did not do anything special  – all I did was listen to my gut, show up, be myself  and do my thing, which is all you can ever do, regardless of the context.  You never know what the bigger plan is and how affecting just one person can make a huge difference. The Universe knows what it’s doing – and what it had to do to get me in the same room with that 14-year-old boy was nothing short of a miracle.

Still not a Belieber? Whether you’re 15 or 51 you’re never too young or too old to take responsibility for your lifediscover who you are and be confident enough to share it with the world.  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you offer more than just a #Selfie to have a positive impact in the Twitterverse and beyond….

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In case you haven’t noticed, change is in the air. It has been for a while now, but the pace is accelerating faster than you can say Speedy Gonzales.

Whether we are experiencing change via technology, elections, economic shifts, loss of loved ones, the effects of global warming, natural disasters or, in the most extreme cases, living in the midst of or fleeing war and/or genocide, it’s important to have as much clarity and strength as possible to weather such turmoil, and to have an inner resolve of peace and harmony that can carry us through when all around us has been anything but.

I recently saw the films The Promise and Their Finest, which take place during some the most tumultuous times on our planet, World Wars I and II, respectively. Although they are set in the past and in foreign lands, unfortunately the themes and similarities are all too close for comfort in the current political climate. Watching them only confirmed my sense of urgency about doubling down on living in the present, stopping even more to smell the roses and appreciating all that we have while we have it. Essentially focusing on our positive feelings, which at the core helps to maintain a state of peace in all its relative forms.

This is why practices like mediation, yoga, affirmations and other mindful activities I often prescribe to my clients are so important, now more than ever, not just for wellness, sanity and self-care, but for building up a muscle you don’t even realize exists until you are required to flex it in times of crisis and chaos. This is what will sustain you when the goin’ gets tough.

Another way you can build up that foundation of calm, centeredness and strength is to be continually conscious of the present, and really feel each good, joyous, peaceful moment as you experience it — not just by observing or having a positive attitude, but by integrating and absorbing them into your cellular memory so they can be recalled as needed down the line, and when you might least expect it.

Take advantage of every glorious encounter — even small but meaningful things like soaking in the sun on a warm spring day or having a good laugh with your bestie — by staying awake to your own existence, absorbing its essence and expressing gratitude for it on every level. This creates a storehouse for when the storms and stress arrive — as they inevitably will, such is the cycle of life — but you can then be more fortified and less influenced by the accompanying toxicity and dis-ease when they do.

Become hyper-aware of when you are enjoying moments of pleasure, connection, joy, love, beauty, justice. Although they, like everything in life, are always temporary, when you allow yourself to experience them more viscerally on all levels of mind, body and spirit, you are building up an internal stockpile that will serve you when they are in short supply.

Be sure to rest whenever you have the opportunity, and be disciplined about recognizing, seeking out or making it possible when you don’t.

Embrace and savor fully music, dance, food, conversation; listen deeply to your friends, kids, parents, spouse, partner, neighbor, strangers. Really hear and interact with them with every cell of your being. This is what builds up your reserves for those more isolated or disorienting and dehumanizing times. Remember your humanity.

Clean up and stay clear of any emotional, mental and physical clutter, so when situations and crises arrive, you can be fully present and deal with them by standing in the most enlightened, compassionate version of yourself.

Sink into the present as if the past and future don’t exist, because technically, at this moment they don’t. Learn from and then let go of the past. You cannot change what has already transpired, so no reason to regurgitate and relive it over and over, especially if it was a painful or negative situation — this is where forgiveness comes in! Get out of your head so you can be open to and grounded in the possibilities at hand. Therein lies our empowerment and salvation: our current thoughts, words and deeds are our building blocks, and the more aligned and aware you can be in your present intentions and interactions, the more fulfilling and peaceful your destiny will be, since you are the one creating it.

By being fully present, we can weave a future to be proud of and comfortable to live in, even in our darker hours. In other words, liberate yourself today by being in the here and now, and you will ensure a better tomorrow, even if it’s only your ability to cope more easily and successfully with whatever that future beholds.

In need of a little Ray of Light to illuminate the positive and keep it from flying by? Give me a buzz and I’ll help you slow things down and focus so you to feel like you just got home to enjoy the universe of goodies contained within it!

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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I always like to remind folks who attend my talks that we are living in extraordinary times. Now more than ever we need to listen to our hearts and march to the beat of our own drum. Yet we are not solo performers on this stage – but more like duets, with the Universe as our partner – in what I like to think of life as the dance of life. There is ebb and flow, push and pull, reap and sow.

In our technologically advanced, left-brain evolved world, we think we can do more and know all the answers in making things happen for ourselves. But the truth is that we are only half the equation: the Universe, with its great unknown and unseen power, process and nature, is the other half.

There is a sublime order to things in our world if we only allow ourselves to honor it, regardless of how long our journey takes or what form or shape the fruit of it bears – and the Universe always knows better than our little pea brains. There is a method to its seeming madness and oft-lengthy timeline, but the more we resist its infinite wisdom, the more we suffer, the more mess is made, the more there is to clean up, and the longer it can take to get back on track.

Instead, we must learn to go with the flow – not in a loosey-goosey kind of way, but with faith and confidence, like a farmer planting his seeds, in knowing that the sun will rise tomorrow and that what comes up must come down.

Any artist, dancer, musician or athlete understands that practice and technique will only get you so far; at some point you have to let go and allow the Universe do its thing. In other words, no matter what you are working toward – getting a new job, growing a business, reaching health goals, or improving relationships – you need to simply “do your best and surrender the rest.”

If you haven’t seen the external results you desire, take a moment to slow down and reflect. If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll notice you’ve been undergoing some major inner reconstructing and re-arranging of molecules, experiencing a deep emotional and mental detox encouraging you to let go of the past in order to move forward; this too is part of the dance. Sound familiar? If not, and you’ve been feeling blocked at every turn, ignoring the call to do this type of internal work is probably to blame, and is easy to correct.

The beauty of dancing with the big U is that that once you get in sync with it, things actually get in sync with you, and stuff starts to happen, as I always say, “in time and on time” – and often more miraculously than you could have ever imagined.

Not sure of what steps to take next or feeling like you wanna rock right now?  It Takes Two to make a thing go right, so give me a buzz and I’ll help you to make it outta sight!

Today’s PGG was originally published in longer form on November 12, 2013)

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These days it seems that ugly is the status quo. We are bombarded with so many negative events, factual and fictional – both served up as entertainment- that we have simply become used to it. In these days of doom and gloom I encourage you all to imagine the opposite: What if Beauty became the norm?

And when I talk about Beauty, I don’t mean a two-dimensional feast for the eyes, or pleasure for pleasure’s sake, although that is part of it.  True beauty is three-dimensional; it is something to be felt and experienced, not just superficially appreciated.  Beauty happens inside and out.  It is never just cosmetic. It is something to be absorbed by every fiber of your being, whether admiring a work of art, listening to music, observing Nature in its magnificent glory, witnessing an act of courage or compassion or enjoying a person’s human expression at its best.

So, where do we begin, how do we do this? It’s tempting to just tune out and distract ourselves with whatever we can, and hope that the problems of the world instantly vanish or some drug company creates a pill for peace.  But the truth is that the more disconnected and desensitized we become, the more problems we will have.

Most people are walking around emotionally constipated. We need to keep our senses alive, intact, ebbing and flowing in a balanced way – yet not letting them run the show or allowing any external images or situations grab control of us. We need to be able to respond from the deepest human level so we can know how to react, when to take action, when to pick up the phone, when to tweet or post something, when to set boundaries or ask for help, and when to turn off the TV or computer.

Brene Brown, in her now-famous Ted Talk on vulnerablity, tells us that when we numb the bad, we numb the good too.  So you can’t just shut yourself off if you want to feel love, compassion, empathy, kindness, and yes even feel beauty.   Feeling means we are alive.  If not, then what are we?

Duality is a fact of life: in order to appreciate the sunshine, you need the rain. Once you are able to connect with and feel ALL of what is going on within you, with a little regular detox of  laughter and tears, you can deal with the not-so-pleasant emotions as they come up, let go of them more easily, and conversely take hold of and relish in the positive, ecstatic and joyous ones even longer – expanding and benefiting from that energy more profoundly.

Look for Beauty everywhere and let in the Beauty to overpower the beast. Allow the darkness, anger, pain and shame to move through you so that you can then use that same vehicle to embody and express supreme joy and love when they abound. You can then more accurately observe and call out injustice because you know in your heart what truth, justice, goodness and beauty look and feel like.

Not quite sure how to go from Blah to Bliss? Give me a buzz, and I’ll show you how living life as a fully-fledged member of the human race has its rewards, and being able to FEEL Truth, Freedom, Beauty & Love are by far the best!

(Today’s PGG was originally published in longer form on August 20, 2014)

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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A client of mine recently had a job interview and the first question posed to her was, “So what do you do for fun?” Caught off guard like a deer in headlights, she searched the cobwebs of her memory to come up with something from the last decade.

I often advise folks to relax and take time off and have to convince them that a healthy dose of pleasure is indeed productive. When I suggest that they do something that is a treat for them, an automatic excuse is that they “can’t afford it”, but there are many things you can do that don’t cost a lot of time or money.

You can find joy and relaxation in simple pleasures like listening to your favorite music, taking a Zumba class, playing bridge, laughing with a good friend, cooking a delicious meal, being on the beach at sunset or sunrise, talking a walk at lunchtime, riding a roller coaster, drinking a cold beer on a hot summer day, cuddling with your pet, reading a good/ trashy novel or fashion/tabloid magazine, or enjoying the swirly goodness of Pinkberry made extra special by half -off happy hour prices! And don’t forget, our bodies are built for pleasure, so be sure to make time for that, too, and reap the scientifically proven benefits that accompany a good roll in the hay with that special someone in person, or in your head….(Javier Bardem anyone?)

All work and no play, or too much play and not enough work, will most definitely not keep the doctor away. As in all things, balance and awareness are key. Taking a few moments, hours, and days to adjust on a regular basis will make your life more refreshed, energized and focused – and contribute to landing that next job!

So if the last time you remember having fun dates back to Janet Jackson’s 1986 hit song, or you can’t seem to allow yourself to let go every now and then, give me a buzz and I’ll give you the permission you need to put the pep back in your step and the zest back in your quest.

(Today’s PGG was originally published on August 3, 2010)

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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John and Abigail Adams. King Hussein and Queen Noor. Bill and Melinda Gates. Barack and Michelle Obama. Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. Kim and Kanye? These are just some couples who appear to have a great partnership as well as romance and passion in their marriages. ( I suppose the jury is still out on Kim and Kanye…..)

Back in the day (and in some parts in the world still) being hitched, especially for women, was linked to survival or a business transaction between families. In the 21st century, when woman now lead successful, independent lives, where does that leave us with the whole question of saying “I do”? (For an interesting musing on the subject check out Elizabeth Gilbert’s book, Committed)

The “fruits of feminism” have at times confused us all. As I recently heard in a lecture by sociologist and masculinity expert Michael Kimmel, if a woman is captain of the ice hockey team and top of her class at Yale, the guys subconsciously think, What the heck does she need me for?

Male or female, we all have needs, along with the things we think are needs. You may not need another person to take care of you physically, emotionally, financially and/or spiritually, but everyone wants someone to love and to be loved in return, whether you’re woman, man or even a fish. We look for partners, friends, lovers, intimacy. And that has nothing to do with what gender you are, what era you were born in, or who the object of your affection may be — it is a timeless, eternal and basic human instinct.

But before you tie the knot with another (or at any point throughout your journey to nuptial bliss or blitz), I always recommend marrying yourself first — whatever that means to you. Because if you don’t promise to love, honor and cherish yourself, why would anyone else?  

Can’t quite make it to the altar with yourself or your beloved? I’m no Dr. Ruth, Millionaire Matchmaker or internet-ordained minister, but I can serve as a justice of inner peace and help you discover that first comes self-love, then comes some form of marriage, then comes whatever it is you desire, even if it is just a cabbage.

(Today’s PGG was originally published on July 20, 2010)

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over thirty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

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Read more about me and my work in these past PGG’s:

All Roads, Same Place | And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor | Strong Medicine | 10,000 Hours | Express Yourself

As a career/life coach I have a unique vantage point to observe all types of people and notice certain trends and patterns that emerge. In addition to my clients, there is my circle of friends and family as well as my own personal experience, since I, too, am not immune to it all!

Lately the theme has been that of warrior being challenged in one or more areas of life, confronting unpleasant people or situations, dealing with loss, or relentlessly fighting a seemingly uphill battle at every turn. If you’ve been feeling tested (or testy) in the areas of relationships (all kinds), work (too much or not enough of it), finances (‘nough said), or having a health or identity crisis – essentially, the stuff of life – raise your hand and know that you are not the only one who’s been beaten up these past couple months.

As difficult as it may be, the key is to acknowledge and recognize through all the discomfort/frustration/stress where growth has occurred, understanding has transpired, and wisdom will eventually come. Don’t spend too much time figuring out why things have been going the way they are – instead, save your energy for what can I do and learn as a result of what I’ve been through and how can I incorporate these new found strengths moving forward?

“Misery loves company'” is a phrase we’ve all heard. It’s not a concept that I would normally promote, but in these times of technological isolation and the era of social media’s “Look at my fabulous life” updates and photos, there is comfort in knowing we’re not the only one struggling and that it’s OK to share the truth of how we’re really doing. The trick is not to have a pity party but to find community and provide mutual support; to take a collective heavy sigh and deep breath and have a good laugh about it, knowing that we’re all in a similar boat, and do what we can to make things better.  At end of the day, we are all human and can offer one another a hug and a smile to get us through the hard times, which are always temporary.

But if you want to dig a little deeper and sort out the who, what, why, when, where and how of what’s been going on, give me a buzz and I’ll help you see the lesson in the lickin’ and the light at the end of the tunnel.

(Today’s PGG was originally published on December 14, 2010)

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over thirty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

Join Mailing List
Like me on Facebook  Follow me on Twitter

Read more about me and my work in these past PGG’s:

All Roads, Same Place | And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor | Strong Medicine | 10,000 Hours | Express Yourself

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