Archives for the month of: April, 2018

If you’re anything like me, many of my clients, and millions of humans, you are often your own worst enemy and harshest critic.  Perhaps you set imaginary limits and keep yourself from experiencing all that life has to offer, holding back for “rational” reasons or because of subconscious thoughts based on irrational fears and silly untruths.

Since I can’t clone myself (yet!?), I, too, sometimes need an outside brain to get a little perspective and see things I can’t quite perceive within myself.  And because the majority of my work as a coach is listening, sometimes I, like all humans, just need to talk and be heard.

Therefore, I am ever-grateful for my closest friends and unofficial therapists who support me in various ways and set me straight (whether they know it or not) with additional insights and tools I need to become unblocked, make adjustments and move forward.

Because I spend an extraordinary amount of quality time with myself and practice what I preach/write, one thing I most definitely am is self-aware.  So when I get to a point when I gain even more awareness of things I probably should have been aware of in the first place, I can get into a cycle of beating myself up for not being aware enough!  As my holistic healer friend Noga Kreiman says,Ah, the problems of being a conscious person!”

Along with a new awareness I recently gained came feelings of ickiness, shame, stupidity, and all-around disgust for allowing things not to have clicked for me in a certain way up until this point. This did not feel good, but in a twisted way felt right, because I was punishing myself, which seemed appropriate for the transgression against yours truly. Oh, how the ego loves that!

As I always say, your time and energy are your most precious resources.  And punishing yourself or beating yourself up is a waste of those valuable commodities and serves no purpose (except that it can greatly adversely affect your health!) So what do you do?

I normally have a few tools in my toolbox to process such a spell, but thanks to Noga, I was introduced to a new one: Pretend the feeling is like holding a pen in your hand, and just drop it. DONE. GONE. ARRIVEDERCI.  Since I have developed quite the strong muscle for being in the present and monitoring my thoughts, I simply needed to transfer this skill to eliminating useless, unproductive, and destructive emotions!  And guess what? It works.

So for this week’s PGG, I really just wanted to share that.  And for all of you out there who could use a little more awareness yourself, need someone to talk to (with x-ray vision and supersonic hearing) who can offer you some insights and tools or simply need a little help developing your own presence muscle, give me a buzz.  I will be there to meet you wherever you are at in da funky club of life!

(Today’s PGG was originally published August 13, 2013)

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Want to make 2018 the year to become more self-aware but not sure how?

Contact me today and I’ll help you break through your own limitations in work & life!   

***Click here for my special Spring Cleaning private coaching offer!*** (Good through May 15th) 

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Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.

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Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)In this excerpt covering the final ten minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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Read more about me and my work in these past PGG’s:

All Roads, Same Place | And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor | Strong Medicine | 10,000 Hours | A Decade of Doing What I Do | Express Yourself 

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Perfection is the enemy of good. ~ Voltaire

Unlike what Fox News, ISIS, PETA or Kanye might have you believe, there are very few absolutes in life, and extremism in thought, word or deed is never the route to go. Like the Buddha says of a string on the sitar, if it’s too tight it will break, too loose and you won’t get any sound from it. Either way, the music dies. Life does not exist in black or white, but in fact is found in the many shades between.

Everyone has ways to escape or numb, whether from current circumstances and the daily grind, or from unresolved pain of the past. And when there is no awareness around the suffering and its source, the turmoil is turned inward as unhealthy behaviors, addiction or abuse, or directed outward as jealousy, hatred or violence in its many forms toward “others.”

In this era of plasticsurgery-photoshopping-selfie-celebrityworshopping-heylookatmyfabulouslife culture, it’s easy to think the grass is always greener, or that everyone but you has their act together or has an easy-breezy life. As someone who works intimately with hundreds of folks for a living, I can tell you that no one has it all together. Everyone has issues. It’s just which issues, in which department (relationships, money, sex, career, family, physical, mental and/or emotional health), and to what extent. And if you didn’t have the issue you have, you would have different one. But you’d have one. Or two, or three, generally all connected. It’s just the way it works.

The question is: How well do you acknowledge, accept, and then begin the process of addressing them?

The idea that there is some level of “perfection” that we can attain in our lives, in our mates, our work, our bodies, our lifestyle, is fiction. It doesn’t exist. No one is perfect. The mere fact that we are human beings means that we exist in order to heal and grow. It means that we are inherently flawed and are expressly alive to learn certain lessons and make whole the various parts of our mind, body and soul that are dis-eased. 

When you come to terms with the fact that you are a beautifully imperfect being and become aware of the imperfections, love yourself in spite of them; then with compassion and discipline, set out to improve or change what you can. Then, and only then, are we able to start accepting one another: our family, our neighbors, our enemies, or anyone who is simply different from us in color or creed. Remember that fellow humans might be having a harder time recognizing and dealing with their own problems and pain right now – we all wake up to our humanness at our own pace, sometimes not of our own choosing. This is why we need a steady flow and heaping amounts of patience, empathy and kindness in our world.

Just as the journey is more important than the destination, the striving is more important than the actual perfection. It means we are constantly evolving into the best, most kick-ass, peaceful versions of ourselves , accentuating the positive and mitigating or transmuting the not-so-positive. The daily choices we make, the love that we give and receive, the joy and the sadness and anger and passion we allow ourselves to feel, knowing that it is not going to be the same emotion every day all day. There are sunny days and there are cloudy days, and we appreciate both equally. As we experience our challenges, we know that victory is right around the corner, and in those moments of happiness we know at some point we will again feel sadness or disappointment. It’s just the way it works.

How can we move toward a balanced, healthy life without knowing where we need to focus in order to heal and grow? Use this time the way a med student would study the body, inside and out: Truly see all of who you are and embrace it. Accept it. Love it. Then take a look at those around you and do the same. Then you can make an honest assessment about what needs a little therapy, a little remedy, or perhaps even surgery.

Think you might need someone in Private Practice to make sense of it all? Give me a buzz and I’ll help you avoid a soul-sucking Scandal and prove you most certainly cannot Get Away With Murder, preventing you from killing the dream of a prosperous, fulfilled life you absolutely can and deserve to have!

(Today’s PGG was originally published February 12, 2015)

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Want to make 2018 the year to become more centered in who you are but not sure how?

Contact me today and I’ll help you be your most balanced self in work & life!   

***Click here for my special Spring Cleaning private coaching offer!*** (Good through May 15th) 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)In this excerpt covering the final ten minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over fifty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

Join Mailing List

 Like us on Facebook    Follow us on Twitter   View our profile on LinkedIn  View on Instagram                 

Read more about me and my work in these past PGG’s:

All Roads, Same Place | And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor | Strong Medicine | 10,000 Hours | A Decade of Doing What I Do | Express Yourself 

Each generation doubtless feels called upon to reform the world. Mine knows that it will not reform it, but its task is perhaps even greater. It consists in preventing the world from destroying itself. Heir to a corrupt history, in which are mingled fallen revolutions, technology gone mad, dead gods, and worn-out ideologies, where mediocre powers can destroy all yet no longer know how to convince, where intelligence has debased itself to become the servant of hatred and oppression, this generation starting from its own negations has had to re-establish, both within and without, a little of that which constitutes the dignity of life and death. ~Albert Camus (Nobel speech, 1957)

Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. ~President Lyndon B. Johnson (Thanksgiving Day speech, 1963)

The huge Barnes & Noble, a staple of my neighborhood and one of the anchors and few big bookstores left in Manhattan, has closed its doors after 21 years. This follows a pattern of many other longtime rocks and havens in my ‘hood: the diner, a dry cleaner, two grocery stores, the nail salon, even my super — most of which had been there two decades or more. So many other businesses have vacated the premises over these past several years, only to make way for yet another bank, chain drugstore or fancy condominiums I’m not sure who can afford. Yes, this has been the trend of the Big Apple as it changes and mall-ifies, and people, including some of my friends, if they stay in the area, have been fleeing to greener, and/or less expansive pastures in places like Queens, the Bronx, Staten Island, New Jersey or Westchester (forget Brooklyn at this point!)

I have gone through some pretty major life changes over the past couple of years, and these disappearing touchstones of “home” have compounded and affirmed the sensation of being reincarnated in the same body, and feeling like I’ve moved without actually having moved. The surroundings are familiar but feel different; sometimes it’s like being in one of those dreams where everything is a bit topsy-turvy.

Oh yes, and then there is the political landscape … . Never before in the history of this country (need to fact-check, but am pretty sure) have we participated in and witnessed the slow dismantling, unraveling and unhinging of our government, culture and citizens at large, mutating into an almost unrecognizable caricature of our former selves. It’s been a rude awakening for many in this nation that racism indeed still exists, and that being born a certain color can in fact determine whether you live or die in even the most benign of situations; that gun violence and extreme masculinity, rampant impropriety, dinosaur consciousness and medieval principles are coming out of the shadows and are alive and well, kicking and screaming, trying to hold on for dear life as the future marches on at an ever-increasing pace.

And in this digital landscape — where things are warped, exaggerated and regurgitated ad nauseam — we must be careful of how we relate to life, to become mindful of when we are living more online than off. What are we doing? We must be hyper-aware of and ever vigilant about when we are letting outside influences, the manipulation of media and/or external distractions affect our ability to think for ourselves and control our most precious resources of time and energy. We must be the producers of our own plots and storylines in which we are the writers, directors and stars.

The advent of virtual reality and its widespread use in a variety of circumstances will confuse our brains even more in distinguishing time and place, and what is real or not. But remember, you also create your own virtual reality, for example, when you are thinking of something that has already happened, your brain cannot tell the difference between present and past, hence you re-experience those memories and emotions as you replay them over and over. And because those experiences were more than likely the negative ones, you are constantly re-injuring yourself, causing unnecessary suffering and a skewed perception of your actual current state of being.

As the saying goes, like death and taxes, change is one of three things that are certain in life. But more recently we have been living through big upheavals and endings, not just of chapters, but of eras. Therefore, now more than ever, letting go of the past is one of the most important things you can do in order to adjust to and situate yourself in this new uncharted territory. You must liberate yourself from the chains of the past and be fully present as to what your reality is today — whether you chose it, or like it or not — before you can start to build, create and expand within this newfound orientation.

Who do you want to be as we move forward in this new era? What do you want to accomplish? How do you want to live? Are you at least living in your own body? Can you get so comfortable in your own skin and inner being that you could be plopped down in the middle of Mars and still feel “at home”? It’s important to spend a little time pondering these questions and sowing the seeds of their eventual harvest that will come days, months and years from now.

Just as we are all going through an accelerated evolution as individuals, so is our country and the world, which is why so much upheaval and chaos abound; gotta clean out the junk in the basement and attic and do some demolishing before you can remodel … . And just like that process, we can remember, incorporate and/or hold on to the good and let go of the bad.

It’s time to get back to the essentials of why and how our country was created: what we stand for, who our founding fathers intended us to be and what they hoped we could accomplish as a nation. In so doing, we must recognize that a nation is comprised of people, and therefore it is people who are entrusted with doing the right thing, making big decisions, coming up with solutions to problems, and then allocating the appropriate resources to take care of and protect its citizens — which is the sole purpose of government.

No doubt we need to change as a country, but what is the thoughtful approach to that process? It’s not a shocking headline, clever meme, funny GIF, or a superficial spouting of patriotism; there is real work to be done, real structural changes that must happen, and most importantly, a genuine cultural shift and unification that needs to coalesce. But how do we do so without throwing the baby out with the bathwater? In other words, how can we help the country reincarnate in its own body, its own basic framework, while recognizing, mitigating and/or eliminating the inconsistencies of our past declarations, deeds and demonstrations so that we grow wiser and stronger?

Yes we should all vote, but there is more we can do, which may or may not involve running for elected office. We all have a part to play in restoring dignity to our democracy and society at large, and in preventing ourselves from imploding. We have more power when we acknowledge and assume responsibility for our own lives, and the part we play in improving them for those around us, because we are all in this together. That may require us to take time away from Facebook or bingeing on the latest Netflix series, or at least learning to use them in a productive, balanced and constructive way …

And so my fellow Americans, my plea to you today as we rapidly enter this new era is to express yourself as positively as possible and develop your fullest potential, which will indirectly, or perhaps even directly, develop and express this country’s potential, and set our course, and that of the world, in the right direction, lest we will very soon be dealing with even Stranger Things.

Not sure what star or stripe you have to contribute to this terra incognita? Give me buzz, I’ll help you find, inhabit and make your true Home on the Range the best it can be, so that collectively we can make Our House a very, very fine house.

(Today’s PGG was originally published on October 5, 2016)

Want to make 2018 the year to find your own terra firma but not sure how?

Contact me today and I’ll help you be the master of your domain in work & life!  

***Click here for my special Spring Cleaning private coaching offer!*** (Good through May 15th) 

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

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CLICK HERE TO WATCH FULL LENGTH VIDEO OF MY TALK “WHO ARE YOU & WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH YOU LIFE?” GIVEN ON 1/31 AT SIBL

CLICK HERE TO WATCH A FULL LENGTH VIDEO OF MY TALK “AUTHENTIC BRANDING: LETTING THE REAL YOU SHINE IN ANY SITUATION” GIVEN ON ON 3/1 at SIBL

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Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)In this excerpt covering the final ten minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over fifty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

Join Mailing List

 Like us on Facebook    Follow us on Twitter   View our profile on LinkedIn  View on Instagram                 

Read more about me and my work in these past PGG’s:

All Roads, Same Place | And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor | Strong Medicine | 10,000 Hours | A Decade of Doing What I Do | Express Yourself 

There is a tree outside my window that marks the passage of time with its cycle of leaves that float to the ground in Autumn, whose branches remain bare throughout the Winter until one day I wake up to find they have sprouted buds – which eventually become the lush greenery of Summer before slowly turn yellow, fall off, and go dormant again until Spring. No matter how extreme the weather is – and we’ve had some doozies lately – my little tree never ceases to amaze me with its remarkable and reliable transformation year in and year out.

Those of us who are either born or became city slickers find ourselves existing in a concrete jungle filled with technological wonder and have to make a conscious effort to get our green on. But spending time in Nature is not just about breathing fresh air and taking a hike in the forest or swim at the beach: it’s about realigning ourselves with how the world really works, not how us humans have manipulated or want it to be.

It’s easy to forget that we are made up of the same elements as the trees, birds, oceans and stars and have within us an innate nature that, if we tune into it, will always serve us exactly as it should. But this means we must tune out the loud voices and headlines screaming for our attention telling us how we should feel, what we should do, who we should fear, or what we should buy; we need to block out the many warped perceptions of how long things should take and in what way they should transpire.

Spending quality time with yourself each day strengthens your “you muscle” so you can get to know, love and accept who you are and operate accordingly. Music is a powerful tool to counteract the “noise” of the day and get you into your own space, so make sure you are feeding your soul with a good dose of melodies, harmonies and/or lyrics that uplift, soothe or energize depending on what you need at that moment to create peace in your little world.

What if you don’t quite fit in the status quo? For example, being an introvert and a night owl living in a society that favors and rewards extroverts and early birds might require more effort to go against the grain, but the more you go with your own flow and march to the beat of your own drum, the less stressed and more rewarding life will be.

You can then experience the joy of synchronicity, because it is when you are so connected to yourself and the Universe that “magic” happens: You see a scene or hear a line in a movie or come across a book that speaks directly to you; you find out about an event or run into a person that helps get you your dream job; or perhaps receive an unexpected check in precisely the amount you needed just in the nick of time. It all comes down to having trust and faith in yourself and your path – and trusting in the very process of life itself is the best way to honor being alive.

Those of you who know me know that one of my favorite sayings is that everything happens “in time and on time”. In Eastern philosophy, this goes hand in hand with the concept of wu wei, loosely translated as “non-action” or “effortless doing”. I am also here to remind you to have patience, because life doesn’t happen overnight or like an instant message; there is ebb and flow, a shedding and a blossoming, and an unfoldment that is under the control of something far wiser than our little pea brains.

Feeling a bit tone-deaf trying to find your own rhythm in a world of distraction and dissonance? Give me a buzz and I can be like a piano teacher with a fancy metronome who gets you back in the groove to make beautiful music in every area of your life!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on April 20, 2013)

Want to make 2018 the year to get in your own groove but not sure how?

Contact me today and I’ll help you go with the flow of who you are in work & life!  

***Click here for my special Spring Cleaning private coaching offer!*** (Good through May 15th) 

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

CLICK HERE TO WATCH FULL LENGTH VIDEO OF MY TALK “WHO ARE YOU & WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WITH YOU LIFE?” GIVEN ON 1/31 AT SIBL

CLICK HERE TO WATCH A FULL LENGTH VIDEO OF MY TALK “AUTHENTIC BRANDING: LETTING THE REAL YOU SHINE IN ANY SITUATION” GIVEN ON ON 3/1 at SIBL

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)In this excerpt covering the final ten minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over fifty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

Join Mailing List

 Like us on Facebook    Follow us on Twitter   View our profile on LinkedIn  View on Instagram                 

Read more about me and my work in these past PGG’s:

All Roads, Same Place | And Now, A Word from Our Sponsor | Strong Medicine | 10,000 Hours | A Decade of Doing What I Do | Express Yourself 

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