The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. ~ J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Most people don’t grow up. Most people age. They find parking spaces, honor their credit cards, get married, have children, and call that maturity. What that is, is aging. ~ Maya Angelou

Growing up is hard, love. Otherwise everyone would do it. ~ Kim Harrison, Pale Demon

With the International Day of Peace, People’s Climate March, UN General Assembly, Clinton Global Initiative and Global Citizen Festival culminating this week, the spotlight has been on our responsibility as nations and citizens to take care of each other and this planet we inhabit.

But all too often it seems the remaining 51 weeks of the year we forget that we have any say or power or control over our lives and environment as we are lulled back into our daily routines;  Mother Nature has her way with us, radical terrorists and out of control law enforcement use violence in extreme ways to threaten us physically and psychologically both here and abroad, our government legislates what we should eat, think, and do with our bodies, and corporations via advertising, lobbying and Hollywood tell us who we are, what we should buy, believe in and vote for, and what we should or should not be doing with our time, money and energy.

And in our private lives we tend to rely on others more than we should – whether your parents, spouses and partners, friends, doctors, teachers, boss, news outlets and conventional wisdom – and are more overwhelmed and distracted than ever with the consumption of digital media via accompanying gadgets/appendages,  that we forget we can have a unique opinion, make more conscious decisions that go against the grain, and above all think for ourselves rather than just absorb and digest literally and metaphorically what is being offered, served or shoved down our throats.

When we’re children we generally have no choice or don’t know better and have to accept the status quo of whatever adults around us say goes, but as you get older it’s time to check in and ask yourself: Who’s Your Daddy now? 

Relationships are the glue that hold the world together and give meaning to our lives; they include our relationship to ourselves, each other, our country, the Earth and the Universe/God/Higher Power/ Nature.  But when we allow a relationship to any one or any thing outside ourselves, be it a parent, child, friend, the government, social media or zeitgeist to be the ultimate authority over us, we are giving up our individual power to control our destiny and prevent ourselves from emotionally maturing. These are the types of unhealthy dependent relationships – rather than healthy interdependent ones – which are causing our planet to fall apart. 

Growing up means taking responsibility for every aspect of your life. Many of us prefer to remain in a half baked adulthood that never really evolves to its full potential because we are too busy or distracted to see who is really in control, and because it’s easier to pop a pill or let someone else take care of it. But it requires courage, elbow grease and internal effort every step of the way to be who we are truly meant to be.

We all have to do our part to take ownership of our environment, health, and happiness in mind, body and spirit. No one else can do this for us. By becoming stronger in who we are we can then use our full power and potential to help those who cannot yet help themselves, and create structures and systems from microcosm to macrocosm that will support a sustainable and peaceful life no matter who you are or where you are from.

Still feeling like a Toy’s R Us kid?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you mature into a full-fledged self-mama or self-poppa (without losing that essential childlike sense of play!) so that we can create a global village of audacious authentic adults. 

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Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength. ~ Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. ~ Jean-Jacques Rousseau

I find it curious that the word patient has two distinct meanings, yet both encompass bearing some level of discomfort over a period of time (even if it’s just being in the waiting room of a doctor’s office!).

We all have individual and collective anniversaries, memories and milestones that we share to some degree or another; regardless if they were positive or negative, hopefully you are able to see the growth and healing that has since transpired. Tomorrow will mark [two years and] three months to the day  my mom underwent open-heart surgery, and after minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day, week-by-week attention, care and rest, she was back out at her clubs  (yes plural, and yes, as in nightclubs/dancing) this past weekend.

It’s truly amazing what time can do when you give it a chance to work its magic. But in this action-oriented -left -brained- results- demanding- pill -for-everything-instant-information-fast-food society we now find ourselves, time gets a bad rap.  Faster is perceived to always be better and action trumps rest in the eyes of others.  With almost everything available to us on demand and bottles of 5 hour energy at our disposal, we’ve grown impatient beyond reasonable expectations.

“Patience is a virtue” and “Time heals all wounds” are two of my favorite adages, because they express the type of ‘muscles’ I’ve exercised and ‘tools’ I’ve developed – you guessed it – over time – as they become realities when you see the proof in the pudding. In my coaching and speaking work, I am constantly trying to get folks to understand that despite the fact that we are living in a 24/7 instant access technological wonderland, that in fact Nature does not work that way – the acorn does not become an oak tree overnight! 

Clients are often frustrated with me when I advise them not to do anything that they consider as ‘doing’ or will have a direct and immediate impact on their job search or life’s path. What I suggest doesn’t mean they should sit around twiddling their thumbs, it’s about understanding that there is a process; it’s inner work through activities that don’t seem ‘productive’ or results-producing, when in fact they are the true heavy lifting of personal growth.  We all have wounds that need to be healed, and not addressing them or allowing them the time and space to do so is often what blocks us from moving forward; therefore, that is where time and energy needs to be spent!

I am always planting seeds when I work with clients, giving them ideas and suggestions they may not necessarily be ready to implement immediately, but something they should think about, pay attention to and consider down the road. I also guide them towards the many stepping stones they need to take on the path to their ultimate goal, whether or not they are aware of that goal.

The philosopher Kierkegaard said, “Patience is necessary, and one cannot reap immediately where one has sown.”   I have had the pleasure to find out recently how many of my clients are beginning to reap what they have sown, with projects, jobs and opportunities that are only now coming to fruition, one, two and even four years after we met, which is extremely rewarding and only reinforces the ‘method to my madness’.

The paradox and balancing trick of course is that time doesn’t stop; it can pass us by quickly so we need to be in motion with it and ‘make hay while the sun shines.’  But on the other hand we need to accept and be comfortable with what is realistic in terms of how long things take to change and develop. Just like we are all students in this school called Life, we are all patients in the healing of our lives which is part of what growing means – healing the wounds of our past so we can move forward ever more healthy and strong.

Need a little help on your journey from acorn to oak tree, or from wounded to well?  Give me a buzz and I’ll take a look to see how you can use the gift of time to speed things up or slow them down, keeping in mind, that might just be the opposite of what you think…

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on September 11, 2012)

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Ever since the majority of humanity decided to not walk around in our birthday suits, if we’re lucky, we can have varying degrees of expression in how we cover our naked bodies.  

Right now we’re in the midst of New York Fashion Week.  To many people it is a seemingly frivolous and fun affair, but the reality is that as long as there are options in what is acceptable for us to wear, there exists freedom in other areas – think Mao suits and corsets, burqas and beards.

It’s been twenty years since George Michael’s classic video, when we knew the models names, they had meat on their bones, and the artist was nowhere in sight, wanting to liberate himself from the bubble gum image of his Wham! days. Today designers are more the rock stars, and perhaps appropriately so.

Devil Wears Prada masterminding and Fashion Police citations aside, the fashion industry produces its own version of freedom fighters, providing us with the garments we need to protect and express who we are. That, in turn, fuels an environment to pursue work we are passionate about, breeds a culture that is inclusive, gives us permission to love whoever we want, and most of all, enables us to enjoy the freedom to be ourselves.

Pop stars and celebrities can take this to the extreme; it requires a more courageous soul to carry off a CeeLo or Nikki Minaj ensemble, but the more they push the boundaries of self-expression, the more they give us all permission to do the same.

Not sure if your style is more Bieber or Beyonce, Rock n’ Roll or Rihanna?  Give me a buzz and we’ll uncover and unleash an inner you reflected in an outer style that makes the most of who you are, inside and out.

(A version of today’s PGG was originally posted on February 15, 2011)

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Earlier this summer after having dinner a friend’s house, I looked at her husband and told him he was pregnant.  Not in the transgendered real-life man-mother way or the fictitious Arnold Schwartzenegger way, or even that joking ate-too-much way, but in that ‘there is something in you that is just waiting to be born,’ itching-to-see-the light-of-day-way.  In fact, in some Latin languages ‘to give birth’ is literally translated as ‘to give light.’

Besides being a bookend for the season, Labor Day is the beginning of harvest time, of reaping what you have sown earlier in the year. Whatever it is you are trying to manifest, you need to be sure it is a labor of love, then dedicate yourself to the work necessary for it to come to fruition. And if you haven’t already started, don’t be sitting around waiting for an immaculate conception.

These things only happen with commitment, focus, time, energy, and a bit of elbow grease. After the appropriate gestation period, persistence and deep breaths take you into the home stretch. No pain, no gain, as they say, and everywhere in Nature we see that the moment of birth requires that extra push to get on through to the other side.

As for my friend, he needed to start doing more creative writing which perhaps might yield a novel.  At the very least it would activate a part of him that was simply not being used in his day job or role as a husband and dad. 

A favorite quote of mine comes from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:         “…. [T]o love life through labor is to be intimate with life’s most inmost secret….WORK IS LOVE MADE VISIBLE.“

What kind of ‘work’ you trying to give birth to? A special project, healthy lifestyle, your own business, solid relationships, bustling career, creative endeavors, expanding your family, or simply a new and improved version of yourself? No matter what you desire to bring into being, (yes, even an actual baby), give me a buzz so I can be a metaphorical midwife that helps welcome your bundle of joy into the world as easily and effortlessly as possible!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on September 7, 2010)

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