Perfection is the enemy of good. — Voltaire

Unlike what Fox News, ISIS, PETA or Kanye might have you believe, there are very few absolutes in life, and extremism in thought, word or deed is never the route to go. Like the Buddha says of a string on the sitar, if it’s too tight it will break, too loose and you won’t get any sound from it. Either way, the music dies. Life does not exist in black or white, but in fact is found in the many shades between.

Everyone has ways to escape or numb, whether from current circumstances and the daily grind, or from unresolved pain of the past. And when there is no awareness around the suffering and its source, the turmoil is turned inward as unhealthy behaviors, addiction or abuse, or directed outward as jealousy, hatred or violence in its many forms toward “others.”

In this era of plasticsurgery-photoshopping-selfie-celebrityworshopping-heylookatmyfabulouslife culture, it’s easy to think the grass is always greener, or that everyone but you has their act together or has an easy-breezy life. As someone who works intimately with hundreds of folks for a living, I can tell you that no one has it all together. Everyone has issues. It’s just which issues, in which department (relationships, money, sex, career, family, physical, mental and/or emotional health), and to what extent. And if you didn’t have the issue you have, you would have different one. But you’d have one. Or two, or three, generally all connected. It’s just the way it works.

The question is: How well do you acknowledge, accept, and then begin the process of addressing them?

The idea that there is some level of “perfection” that we can attain in our lives, in our mates, our work, our bodies, our lifestyle, is fiction. It doesn’t exist. No one is perfect. The mere fact that we are human beings means that we exist in order to heal and grow. It means that we are inherently flawed and are expressly alive to learn certain lessons and make whole the various parts of our mind, body and soul that are dis-eased.

When you come to terms with the fact that you are a beautifully imperfect being and become aware of the imperfections, love yourself in spite of them; then with compassion and discipline, set out to improve or change what you can. Then, and only then, are we able to start accepting one another: our family, our neighbors, our enemies, or anyone who is simply different from us in color or creed. Remember that fellow humans might be having a harder time recognizing and dealing with their own problems and pain right now — we all wake up to our humanness at our own pace, sometimes not of our own choosing. This is why we need a steady flow and heaping amounts of patience, empathy and kindness in our world.

Just as the journey is more important than the destination, the striving is more important than the actual perfection. It means we are constantly evolving into the best, most kick-ass, peaceful versions of ourselves, accentuating the positive and mitigating or transmuting the not-so-positive. The daily choices we make, the love that we give and receive, the joy and the sadness and anger and passion we allow ourselves to feel, knowing that it is not going to be the same emotion every day all day. There are sunny days and there are cloudy days, and we appreciate both equally. As we experience our challenges, we know that victory is right around the corner, and in those moments of happiness we know at some point we will again feel sadness or disappointment. It’s just the way it works.

How can we move toward a balanced, healthy life without knowing where we need to focus in order to heal and grow? Use this time the way a med student would study the body, inside and out: Truly see all of who you are and embrace it. Accept it. Love it. Then take a look at those around you and do the same. Then you can make an honest assessment about what needs a little therapy, a little remedy, or perhaps even surgery.

Think you might need someone in Private Practice to make sense of it all? Give me a buzz and I’ll help you avoid a soul-sucking Scandal and prove you most certainly cannot Get Away With Murder, preventing you from killing the dream of a prosperous, fulfilled life you absolutely can and deserve to have!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on February 12, 2015)

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Those of you who have known or worked with me for a while are aware that I have never been comfortable being the center of attention and am an introvert by nature. But I do have something to say, and have been saying stuff in public now for many years!

As I mention in my seminars, Eleanor Roosevelt, one of my heroes, famously encouraged us to do the thing you fear the most. One of those things for me, besides being “on stage” is being in front of the camera. Another thing I talk about is once you figure out who you are, own it. I’m also always saying that we teach what we need to learn (and write what we need to read), and since I do my best to walk my talk and practice what I preach…

This month [February 2014] I had someone videotape my Who Are You and What Are You Supposed to Be Doing with Your Life? seminar at SIBL. They very kindly put together this little excerpt, so for this week’s PGG I thought I would share it here. What can you do today to own who you are?

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on February 4, 2014)

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Don’t have time to watch the whole thing? Here is a part where I talk specifically about owning who I am and what I do (45:05), including my experience of being tall (47:50) 🙂

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I always have a hard time explaining to folks what I do, even as I enter my [13th!] year of coaching professionally.

Over time I have come up with some language that helps, but last year I happened to catch the end of one of those PBS specials where the speaker, Lissa Rankin, author of Mind Over Medicine, was talking about how a doctor’s communication is critical to the healing of the patient. In fact, the physician can have a placebo effect, and therefore become the medicine itself. That sparked an a-ha moment for me -I realized that I’m not a doctor, but through my writing, speaking and especially coaching, I am medicine, and strong medicine at that!

I like to call myself a “holistic career coach” or “life chiropractor” because an individual’s work is my entree into looking at their entire life. This is because our jobs/careers are generally where we spend the most time and energy, so if that’s “off” many other things like health and relationships will be “off” as well, and vice versa. When I meet with clients, I get in there with my x-ray vision and supersonic hearing and connect the dots, see what is out of wack and give you an adjustment along with tools and resources to put you back in alignment.

“Treatment” could take the form of specific tasks and homework, my prescriptions so to speak, but sometimes it is simply me seeing you in a way that you’ve never looked at yourself before, which gives you new insights about who you are, where you should be going and how best to be using your time and energy. Most folks come away with a different perspective that is profoundly healing and motivates them to move forward in a positive direction, however long a process that might take. Everyone is re-awakened to the person they know themselves to be.

In other words, you get a good dose of special sauce to do the things you need to do that will create purpose, meaning and balance in every area of your life! Often this is a one-time injection and you’re re-calibrated and on your way; other folks are in the midst of a deeper transformation and need more guidance over a period of time. Although there are most certainly phases when we all need outside expertise and support, it is always my goal to empower you to ultimately become your own coach and trusted counsel.

We are humans, and we bring our whole human selves with our entire characteristics, experiences, limitations, talents, stresses and passions to wherever we are, whatever we are doing and whomever we are with. This resonates now more than ever with our 24/7 accessibility, increasingly virtual workplaces and the overall blurring of lines between our personal and professional lives, so we need to learn how to manage, balance and integrate it all!

I’m here to help. Yes, I’m strong medicine, but I always deliver with a spoonful of sugar, so don’t be afraid to contact me whenever you’re ready for a little remedy to what ails you. And, this week I’m sweetening things up even more with this special one-hour session offer so be sure to click here to check it out!

Whether it makes you think of Catholic school nuns, dog training, or your struggle with diet and exercise, discipline — of the mind and body — is what we are certainly witnessing when we watch the Winter Olympics. Any form of excellence requires it, and these amazing athletes show what can happen when you are singularly focused on and dedicated to a particular goal.

I admit that for most of my life, I associated the word with limitation — something negative, bad or oppressive. Over the past several years I have learned that instead, discipline is a positive attitude and approach that can actually be quite liberating. When used in the right way, it is an extreme act of self-love.

For example, realizing that I needed to stop working 24/7 and make time for activities that are fun, pleasurable and social is something I am now very conscious about. I even include going to the gym in that category! It has become a discipline of mine that has made my life a lot less stressful and much more enjoyable.

As they say, “One man’s pleasure is another man’s pain” — and I say what you may consider a pain for yourself, can often turn into a pleasure once you discipline yourself in that area and reap the benefits!

Discipline means you care so deeply about yourself that you want to improve or create balance wherever you need it. No matter what goals you are working toward, you are doing something every day to make yourself the best you can be.

But sometimes we can’t do it alone. Like those Olympic athletes, who are able to stay on that razor-edge track with the help of their coaches, think of me as one of them, guiding and supporting you to a personal Gold Medal in whatever area of life you choose!

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(Today’s PGG was originally published on February 23, 2010)

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