There is a deeper world than this

That you don’t understand

There is a deeper world than this

Tugging at your hand

~ Sting, Love is the Seventh Wave

Besides what we hear about the 1% and the increasing disparity between the rich and poor, there is a growing epidemic of another kind of poverty that has nothing to do with the amount of money in a bank account: a lack of connection to ourselves, each other, the world around us, and something greater that holds it all together.

I’ve been noticing a trend in my clients lately, many considered millennials or “digital natives” (essentially those who have never lived during a time without PCs, texting and social media), who are rife with angst and a level of discontent and self-doubt usually reserved for those in the midst of a midlife crisis, empty-nest syndrome, or more dire circumstances.

And it’s not just young people who are dealing with this; it simply shows up in a more pronounced way. On the surface they seem to have everything going for them — they are highly educated and have decent first or second jobs, they have good health and no major responsibilities like kids or a mortgage — but somehow they feel they haven’t achieved enough, they are bored or are missing something but can’t quite put their finger on it. In older folks it comes through as unspecified anxiety, career or relationship frustration, mental scatteredness or erratic communication, an inability to sit still or relax deeply, or a feeling of “Is this all there is?” when thinking about the rest of their life.

And no matter what your age, because of our now 24/7 and 360 degree digital lifestyle, there is severe FMO and a (mostly) subconscious habit of comparing ourselves to each other that is self-sabotaging, making us feel “less than” or deficient in some way — whether it’s about the hot boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse you’ll never attract, the dream job that alluded you, the baby you do or don’t yet have, the great vacations you can’t afford, all the amazing friends you never hang out with or “like” your Facebook posts or Instagram photos … etc. You get the #nofilter picture.

Underneath it all seems to be a deep-seated fear of the unknown and feeling of powerlessness over our lives and a world that is rapidly transforming before our eyes in ways that are not always positive or hopeful. The worry and rudderlessness is often magnified by social media and all else that is vying for our attention, time and energy.

Does any of the above sound like you? If so, take a moment to do a reality check. My guess is that you likely have what I am now dubbing “life dysmorphia” — meaning your sense of your life and how “bad” you presume it to be is either highly distorted or simply not true, and the reasons you are unhappy or stuck are not what you might think.

As in my coaching sessions, seminars and previous PGGs, my solution for this is always to GO DEEP, as technology keeps us on superficial ground. Detach from the virtual world and plunge into the depths of your own thoughts, feelings, relationships and the mysteries of the Universe.

Whether you are 25, 65 or somewhere in between — and I have worked with all ages — the antidote to this unsettled, dissatisfied existential state is to be SELF-centered in a foundation of worthiness and value; find purpose and meaning in your work; express yourself creatively; demonstrate faith and trust in yourself, the process and the Universe; and be open to giving and receiving LOVE. And stay in your own lane.

Most important, as I say in nearly all of my talks and to my clients: Get out of your head and into your body — which means operating from your gut and heart — and be grounded in who you are.

It’s about staying present and standing where your feet are at. It’s about having conversations IRL. It’s about being congenial, forming community and raising consciousness. It’s about taking the time to spend with actual people; to commune with yourself, others and the world around you. To feel alive in flesh and blood, not just in our minds projected and framed into an online existence. It’s about creating instead of consuming. It’s about remembering we are humans, not robots or avatars in a fantasy version of reality.

And cultivate relationships. Relationships to every kind of person, family or stranger, friend or lover, store clerk or sibling, and whatever you want to call that force greater than ourselves. When you go deeper into yourself and can truly relax and be present, you free up more internal space for love to flow between you and yourself or any of the people in your life, and yes, even those you just met, because we are all part of the same brother/sister/gender-neutral ‘hood.

I’m a big hugger (see the PGG Six Seconds :). I often hug people I don’t have a lot history with or even know well or at all, but if there is that spark of connection or some wavelength I click with, dig or admire in another, because I am “primed,” it allows positive energy to be exchanged through an embrace. That is real, and much, much more powerful and nourishing than a “like” on FB. Also, when the internal pipes are blocked or lie dormant, not only can your love not flow, but your creativity can’t be expressed, which is another surefire way to feel disconnected from your own vitality. So don’t be afraid to open the floodgates!

Not sure how to become less Fragile in these disorienting times? Before you send an SOS to the world, give me a buzz and I will help tear down that Fortress Around Your Heart so you can Send Your Love to yourself and others. As humans, that’s the best way We’ll Be Together, and you’ll be doing your part in creating a Brand New Day for us all!

(Today’s PGG was originally published August 11, 2017)

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Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

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An oak tree is just a small nut that persevered against the taunts of doubt and fear.~ Matshona Dhliwayo

Giant oak trees… have deep root systems that can extend two-and-one-half times their height. Such trees rarely are blown down regardless of how violent the storms may be. ~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

The Universe works in mysterious ways. I shot this video in August 2018. Exactly nine months later (oh, just the normal gestation period for a human), who knew I’d be standing in the shade of a 500-year-old oak, one of the oldest trees of its kind in our country!

The first half of 2018 was a season of doubt and fear for me in a way that I had not previously experienced. By allowing myself to be patient with the cycle, to process whatever thoughts and emotions I was presented with, and confront my fears, I ultimately became more sure of and secure in myself.

As a result of those growing pains, I now feel (most of the time!) as if I am rooted in the center of the Earth – and grounded in myself and my connection to humanity more than ever. This has given me a renewed inner strength and confidence in who I am and what I do, despite outer circumstances.

I’m always saying “the acorn doesn’t become an oak tree overnight,” but I never really thought about what it takes for that oak tree to continue to grow and withstand the multitude of external forces once it becomes a tree.

Can you imagine what it has required for any living thing to be alive for almost half a millennium? What it has survived and been witness to?

I believe in the soul’s evolution through many lifetimes, so perhaps we don’t live that long biologically, but it can be interesting to think about our lives as part of a broader trajectory and understand the big-picture journey we are on, the lessons we need to learn, and the past experiences we need to heal.

Thank you Angel Oak for being a tangible reminder of it all. 🙏🏻🌳

Looking for a little support and fertilizer for your inner acorn? Give me a buzz and I’ll help you find the meaningful mojo to persist and withstand whatever nature brings your way!

Click here for my Instagram post that includes a video of the Angel Oak where you can see it in it’s full majesty!

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

Click here for a video that explains some ways I can help you as a coach

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

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Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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A few years ago I attended a workshop with Erica Jong, who implored us to write the story we absolutely had to tell or we would die. She also taught us to write something that unlocks who we are, encouraged us to be ourselves, and told us to discover and write in our own voice. But how do you know what your voice is if you never use it?

You don’t need to be an aspiring blogger, poet or novelist to heed these wise words. I always recommend that folks write as much as they can in order to get in touch with their inner selves; a journal is a place where you can be truly free to express who you are and what you need to say. When you’ve connected honestly and often enough to that internal, emotional voice, you will begin to reveal who you are and what is important to you – whether in career, relationships or life in general. We write what we need to read.

A journal is a place to clarify your feelings, share your ideas and experiences, release the past, and make plans for the future, all without judgment. Your journal is your best friend. At the very least it is a to-do list, for items big and small. The act of writing something down makes it real and tangible and helps crystallize the hurricane of thoughts and emotions we often have swirling around inside us.

The process of putting it all on the page can make us more effective in communicating what we need or want from others or ourselves – and actually make sense doing so! I also suggest using a pen and paper whenever possible. It’s more organic and raw when you take out the technological middle man.

If you access your authentic voice in writing, then, as Erica said, “being an author makes you an authority.”

You don’t have to be the next Maya Angelou, JD Salinger or Danielle Steele to be the author of your own life and truth. Just start by putting pen to paper, and you’ll soon be on the way to your own personal best-seller list before you can say Pulitzer Prize!

(Today’s PGG  was originally published on August 31, 2010)

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

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Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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One of my current clients has done a tremendous amount of work in a very short time: She has had major revelations in noticing past patterns, stripped away unhealthy relationships and is beginning to tap into who she really is, not who she became to please everyone else. It takes an immense amount of effort to do this.

For the caterpillar, transformation literally means disintegrating its old form to become ‘goop’ while protected in the cocoon prior to emerging as a butterfly. You can imagine the energy required to do so, and it can’t be very comfortable being formless and not able to see much, if it can see at all — it’s not easy being goop!

Conscious or not of its eventual destiny, the old self, having served its purpose, is dying a type of death and a natural grieving process occurs. In consoling my client about letting go of her past, I mentioned how Cher had a hard time because intellectually she had grasped what was happening, but she became very upset when she realized the voice of her child was changing; her daughter was now becoming a son. And although the person that she gave birth to was very much still there, she was losing Chastity in order to welcome Chaz.

Chaz Bono, and anyone who is transgender, has to deal with perhaps the most extreme of identity issues. The amount of courage it takes to make such a transition, especially in the public eye, is truly inspiring. Not only did Chaz have to know and be comfortable enough with himself to make such a seemingly drastic decision, but he also had the poise and confidence to articulate so graciously and effectively how and why he needed to do what he did, demonstrating a profound lesson for us all in ultimate self-awareness and love.

Chaz’s story is an important and powerful one because no matter how we identify ourselves, we all go through various forms of transformation throughout our lives – some more internal, others more external – in order to evolve into the best and fullest versions of our own humanity. His experience teaches us to be true to ourselves, accept and honor all of who we are, and trust that those who sincerely care for us will do so as well, even if it does take some time to adjust. Chaz is more content in his new body and his new life than he has ever been; the more of us who get to that place, the better off we all are.

Whether you want to find your voice, be more comfortable in your body, or express more of your Sal or Sally, I can be a mirror and guide for you in the process, peeling back the layers and providing a cocoon of support and space for you to go from goop to glorious, like a Butterfly!

(Today’s PGG  was originally published on May 27, 2011)

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

Click here for a video that explains some ways I can help you as a coach

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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The other half of the question of what there is to celebrate is what mothered and mothers you, how you mother yourself, how you celebrate and recognize what cares for you and takes care of you, and what you care for in return.  ~ Rebecca Solnit

On this day and forever more, we will be reminded that peace is not just the absence of war. It is the presence of mothering.  ~ Gloria Steinem

Because I knew in my early 20s I did not want to become a mother in the traditional/noun sense, I’ve never felt left out of Mother’s Day. As a human being, I have a right to this choice; however, as a woman in the 21st century, I do not take this for granted and I’m ever-grateful for the time, culture and place I live in, as well as for those who have fought for and given their lives in order for me to exercise this right without (much) prejudice or persecution.

I’ve also never felt left out because of much of what Gloria writes here. I have never given birth to or chosen to adopt and be responsible for the survival and well-being of another human, which is unfathomable to me — I give all of you who do so tremendous credit and am in complete awe of the undertaking. But I have experienced, and continue to experience, mothering the verb in so many ways.

I gave birth to The Women’s Mosaic and took care of it for over 10 years; I birthed a book of 131 essays and I’m creating more PGGs every month [well not lately, but I am working on my second book!]. I felt like a mother worrying about a teenage daughter when my mom was out partying and having fun with the boys late at night, then experienced care-giving when she was too ill to take care of herself, then honored and cared for her possessions when she was gone.

Over the past [18?!] years and counting, I have been a mentor and provider of loving guidance to the growth and development of countless interns, volunteers and clients, who are often young enough to be my sons or daughters, and I consider many of them as such, regardless of their age. I like to think that I’m a nurturing friend and sibling, and I care deeply for those who are in my life. I feel a responsibility for and have dedicated my life to contributing to peace and harmony on the planet in whatever way I can.

But most important, and especially having gone through the loss of both parents now, I am constantly giving birth to myself — I have learned, and continue to learn, how to take care of my mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs and to give myself permission to express the fullest version of who I am, which is a work in progress.

Mothering oneself and others is essential to both inner and outer peace, so no matter who you are, or what your status or gender, all of us can strive for and celebrate being the best mothers we can be.

Read the inspiration for this post from Gloria Steinem’s “MOTHER AS A VERB” essay here

Read Rebecca Solnit’s post (quoted above) about Mother’s Day here

(Today’s PGG was originally published on May 10, 2016)

***CLICK HERE FOR MY MEANINGFUL MAY POWER HOUR COACHING OFFER Good through May 31st! ***

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

Click here for a video that explains some ways I can help you as a coach

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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I recently received in my actual (not email) mailbox a beautiful Thank You card with a handwritten note from a lovely young man who had attended several of my talks, some of the contents of which I excerpt here:

First off, I’d like to say thank you for the work you do and the value you provide. You are as genuine and authentic as it gets and that is very refreshing especially nowadays. …. Keep doing what you’re doing. The world needs more people like you!

As many of you know, it’s been a journey for me to be able to stand in front of a room of people to share my ideas regarding work and life. I’m an introvert by nature who used to be, and at times still is, quite shy. I would get stiff necks and have coughing fits prior to presentations. I am much more a behind the scenes kind of gal; my comfort zone and where I excel is working with folks one on one. I utter tons of “umms, you knows, sort of, likes” etc., use more hand gestures than your old Italian uncle, don’t (know how or) use PowerPoint, tend to ramble or go off on tangents, and the words I am looking for often escape me.

But I had something to say, which overruled any trepidation or limitations I thought I had about public speaking, and the feedback I always received was positive regardless how I thought I did, so I kept doing it. My passion for what I wanted to communicate was stronger than any fear I had about the technical aspects of how I was communicating it; ironically it turns out how I communicated was often what people liked and responded to the most!

In January 2010 I was frustrated with all the New Year’s messaging out there and felt compelled to say something. I also needed a newsletter for my at the time two and a half year-old coaching business, so I thought, why not combine the two?

Didn’t know what I was doing. Barely had a website. Don’t really read. Am slightly dyslexic. Terrible at grammar. Have limited vocabulary/not a wordsmith or was even someone who appreciates words or writers or, like I said, reads books.

But I just put it out there. And people liked it. The feedback was encouragingly good. Who knew I was a …writer? (Still have a hard time calling myself one). I committed to writing every week (each PGG taking 8-12 hours to complete) which I did for two years straight, until I realized I could re-run some of them (duh). The writing and design improved, I found my voice and continued to receive positive feedback. I enjoyed getting into the groove of their creation and consider them my art.

So [almost 12] years and 150+ original essays and a published book later, here I am. Apparently this whole other part of me needed to be born, and I allowed it to be.

In response to my year-end request for feedback on my PGGs, I found a generous and thoughtful Amazon review posted on January 2nd (thanks to whoever wrote it!), a portion of which I quote here:

It’s very different than others, but Kristina’s method really builds up a strong foundation in an individual by first solving the deep issues then growing from there…..Kristina is really unique and I’m very grateful she’s out there.

My point in sharing all this with you for some inspiration is twofold:

1. DO YOU. If you’re inspired or want to do something, don’t think you have to know exactly what you’re doing or need to make it “perfect” or do it like anyone else. Express yourself in your own way – you never know where it will lead or who you might be helping as a result. Don’t be afraid of the unknown and allow yourself to unfold naturally. You will grow and surprise yourself, no doubt.
2. Never, ever, underestimate the power and impact of letting someone know how their work, their assistance, their understanding, their EXISTENCE has impacted you in a positive way. You can’t possibly imagine how the expression of appreciation – the more personal the better, in the simplest of sentiments or grandest of gestures – can make or break someone’s day, life, journey; how that can encourage them to keep on keepin’ on even when things get tough, so that they can be who they are and do what they do, and impact even more people in a positive way. And we need positive impact more than ever.

We are entering an era where you will be more urgently required to express your highest and best potential, to be who you are and do the thing you are meant to do, and above all, be as human as possible and acknowledge the beauty and spirit of each others’ existence as graciously and as often as possible. We must remember who we are to ourselves, and to each other.

Not sure how you can express the creativity and passion within you? Give me a buzz and I’ll help you to trust that a 5-star review starts with the courage to take a groovy walk down whatever path is right for you, accompanied by a little funk a long the way!

The true harvest of my daily life is somewhat intangible..It is a little star-dust caught, a segment of the rainbow which I have clutched.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

There is no question that there is an unseen world. The problem is, how far is it from Midtown and how late is it open? ~ Woody Allen

Ah, the paradox between poetry and practicality, art and accounting, beauty and bottom line, meaning and metrics. Especially in the results-oriented, materially-focused, high-powered metropolis that is New York, it’s often challenging to communicate the value of things we are unable to touch, see or precisely measure.

I recently assigned some journaling to a client, and she seemed perplexed and not too happy about it.  Her concern, she said, was that it would be difficult for her, an MIT graduate, not to have any sort of metrics or immediate tangible outcome to guide her or let her know she was doing it “correctly”, which her perfectionist self needed in order to be validated in the exercise.  She was not the first to be challenged by or to question the effectiveness of the solution I offered, just the first to articulate it so well!

This type of scenario has been the bane of my existence. The world of the intangible has been my field of expertise and the “meat” of my work for most of my professional life – teaching  or speaking, creating programs that promote intercultural understanding and women’s empowerment, individual and group coaching, even writing these little essays.  Most everything  I do is impactful on an internal level, enabling shifts in perception and healing to take place, so my challenge has always been how to grade, evaluate, measure or assure the merit of such things: How do you quantify understanding, inspiration, identity, and transformation?

With flowers and trees now blooming all around us, remember that they didn’t just magically appear overnight, as unseen forces were at work during the barren winter months. The result is tangible, but the process itself is something, too.  Fertile soil, sunshine, water, time and Nature’s mysterious special sauce work consistently in harmony behind the scenes, making it all come together for us to once again enjoy the gorgeous potpourri of colors and shapes.

Feeling like your Spring needs to be sprung?  You might just need a little professional tending to your garden, fertilizing it with process, presence and patience – along with some Xray vision – so give me a buzz, I’ll help  bring on the blossom and have Everything Coming Up Roses for you again!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on April 26, 2011)

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

Click here for a video that explains some ways I can help you as a coach

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over fifty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

Join Mailing List

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. ~ C.S. Lewis

Despite what Simon & Garfunkel once sang, we are neither rocks, nor islands, as many of us (especially those drawn to live in the metropolis that is New York!) might want to be. The irony of course is that the very nature of being human means we are part of a greater whole and must interact with other human beings on many levels. Yet a sense of connection and belonging doesn’t always come from the family, tribe or culture we are born into so we must create that connection authentically, first within ourselves and then with others.

Relationships are one of the most difficult areas for us homo sapiens to navigate, and they are the biggest source of our pleasure as well as our pain. The past several years we have had an advanced course in them; I for one can say as difficult as it’s been, have learned some new and deeper versions of lessons I know will serve me well in the future, all of which culminated in a super-summer intensive, with this harvest season reaping the wisdom culled from that journey.

Some of those nuggets include: finding the balance between losing ourselves/being co-dependent versus isolating and becoming a monk (or a psychopath); having boundaries and not taking on/feeling responsible for another’s emotional or other type of well-being; nurturing yourself, no one can know exactly what you need but you; seeing people and relationships as they really are, not how you’d like them to be. And regarding those close/intimate relationships that are more difficult or challenging, keep in mind that that person – whether parent, boss, spouse, sibling, lover, friend, child – is just the actor playing a role in a scenario you have created in order to heal and grow.

Lastly, the people you choose to allow into your life – friends/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner- should meet certain criteria. The word ‘friend’ especially has been so diluted and watered down with the use of Facebook and social media you need to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff and discern the Apples and Oranges.

The foundation of a relationship with anyone deserving of your time and energy must include understanding, appreciation and respect. You should be able to check off at least two of these to be considered a friend, and if you are fortunate to have someone in your life who truly understands, appreciates and respects you, then you are very, very lucky and should treasure and honor that relationship for the special gem that it is.

The bottom line is, You Gotta Have Friends, and making time for friendships and your most important relationships is not a luxury but a necessity. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to -day busyness of life, but we need to discipline ourselves to create space for connecting with the people who love and accept us, who know and understand us, with whom we share interests and history, and have grown together, not apart.

(Today’s PGG was originally published on October 2, 2012.)

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

Click here for a video that explains some ways I can help you as a coach

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

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In every life we have some trouble / But when you worry you make it double. ~ Bobby McFerrin

As the saying goes, three things are certain in life: death, taxes and change. Change comes in all shapes and sizes, some scarier than others: climate change, career change, graduations, marriages, relationships, TV changes, sex changes, change of residences and regime change to name a few – and right now seems chock full of them!

The reality is that time keeps on slippin’ into the future, so we have no choice in the matter of change, because like Kevin James dancing in Hitch, “You can’t stop this, you cannnoottt stop it…”

Most folks have a hard time with change. We’d rather stay comfy and/or miserable rather than letting go of our crutches and seeing what else life might have in store us. We cannot control things but we can control how we respond to them: we can resist and go kicking and screaming or we can accept that change happens, and just go with the flow.

Going with the flow means listening to yourself, and giving yourself what you need at any particular moment. The best way to deal with change is to trust in yourself and be your own best counsel, so it’s important to have that “muscle” in place as you navigate the white water rapids of feelings that come with this thing called life.

Change is not always fun, but it’s almost always for the better because change forces growth and growth is good. And once the change happens, we can’t be like a goldfish that lived in a fishbowl its whole life and then when put into the ocean swims around in a little circle as if he were still in a bowl!

David Bowie tells us time may change you but you can’t trace time. So if you feel you are ready to be hatched, then fly, be free! Not quite like Mork’s egg, but more like Steve Miller’s Eagle or with the help of Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds and the wonder of that other Stevie who sings,  Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing 

But if you’re not quite ready to fly the coop, walk without those crutches, or swim in the big blue ocean, give me a buzz and you can Lean on Me until you get strong and carry on!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on June 7, 2011.)

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

Click here for a video that explains some ways I can help you as a coach

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

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Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final seven minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

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If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over fifty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

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Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others. ~ Brené Brown

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable. ~ James A. Garfield

We’ve had many truths exposed these past few weeks with the explosion of #metoo and a multitude of people coming out about the sexual abuse/harassment/assault they have experienced, particularly at the hands of someone who had power or authority over them in some way. Although shocking and beyond unpleasant to admit to as a society, this is a liberating, learning and healing moment and is best not filled with hate and vengeance.

Whether or not you have encountered such situations directly — on either side of the equation — there are ways we can all think about what’s happening and how we can apply it to our lives, because at the root of this issue is the concept of boundaries, which is something everyone deals with on many levels, not just sexual.

As whole, complete adults, one of the most important things we can do for our mental, emotional and physical health is know who we are and where, when or how we may or may not be compromised at the least, or invaded and violated at the worst. We can then find a way to assert or protect ourselves with integrity; doing so is an essential demonstration of self-love and self-care and can have many manifestations, in all aspects of our lives.

The more subtle example is when someone crosses the boundaries of what you have determined to be your needs regarding your time and energy. As I say in every one of my talks and to all of my clients, your time and your energy is your most precious resource — so how are you using it, and/or how might you be letting others abuse or “steal” it from you?

We live in the School of Life and therefore there are tests — stresses and strains to help mold and shape us into who we are; they are the means by which we can uncover what is true for us. To give meaning and definition to our existence we need resistance, we need friction, we need to be challenged from time to time. We can then know ourselves even better and strengthen the core muscle of who we are. We become more integrated and we heal. So yes, others will test our boundaries, but tests are the grit of life and what ultimately inform us about our deepest sense of selves, create our reality and help us to grow and evolve.

When tested, you need to stand up for yourself, but first you need to know who that self is: What defines you? What makes you you? What constitutes your self-preservation? This is where boundaries come in. If someone is not respectful of them or your time and energy, you must be OK with walking away, you need to be OK with saying NO and dealing with the consequences. I realize this is easier said than done, especially when other factors like fear, intimidation, blackmail and/or violence are part of the equation. I am talking about having a baseline of self-worth and self-respect, that, when developed, can actually act as a preventive measure so that those types of situations will become less likely to occur because of your stronger internal foundation that then resonates as a more empowered external, and hence, immune vibration.

Anything you are going through is an opportunity for growth and healing for you and the other parties involved, depending on how each one relates to the process. What are you currently being confronted with? Is there something you need to change or something you need to defend?

This means it’s a time to stretch your muscles and question yourself — take an honest look at your behavior, beliefs and choices. How malleable can you be? Some things are not meant to be malleable if you have worked on them over time. Some things are, in fact, meant to be impermeable.

But this is not about being rigid — it’s about knowing your core values and taking a stand for them when necessary. It’s about not letting anyone question you or convince you otherwise after you’ve already explored/seen/experienced evidence and come to a conclusion, keeping in mind that perhaps there is room for growth, change, adjustment, or another point of view. Take some time to reflect, but if you are clear with yourself and you’ve done conscious work and have experience that proved to be true, then you are just being tested to see if you will unapologetically stand in that truth. This forms the foundation of who you are and cannot be shaken.

From microcosm to macrocosm, it’s important to know what is or isn’t acceptable to YOU — whether in your personal or professional relationships or in relation to the world and culture at large — and not be influenced by who is the loudest, meanest, most patronizing, or anyone trying to make it seem like you are unreasonable or crazy just because you are not going along with the crowd.

We are living in extraordinary times, and with social media our lives are now magnified, exaggerated, distorted and accelerated, so it is even more crucial that we know who we are and not be swayed by or swept up in the currents of the day. We have to find the balance between our individuality, relationships and the group mentality; when not to overstep; how to protect; and when to stretch our boundaries. And to understand that some things, like love, compassion and empathy know no boundaries.

Need a little help preparing for any upcoming exams or pop quizzes? Give me a buzz and I’ll be the tutor to provide the drills, exercises and shifts you need to find the strength to handle whatever life throws your way to see what you’re made of!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on November 23, 2017.)

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Click here for some testimonials from past clients 

Click here for a video that explains some ways I can help you as a coach

Follow me on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter for up to date posts, helpful articles and inspirational thoughts.  Slowly building my YouTube channel so you check that out and subscribe too!

Text CLEARLYKRISTINA to 22828 to be added to my mailing list and be in the loop with my coaching and workshops as well as have these essays delivered to your inbox!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Check out this very-roughly-edited-not-the-best-quality video of uninterrupted remarks wrapping up the workshop “Lead Yourself to Success (in Work & Life!)” In this excerpt covering the final ten minutes, I summarize my thoughts about confidence, being a leader in your own life, maintaining your individuality and humanity in the times we live in, and why the world is relying on you to be successful.

Click here to watch video

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today. 

Read over fifty 5-star “Yelp” style reviews here

Join Mailing List