***Please note:  I realize this is much (way) longer and perhaps more political than my average PGG – apparently I had to get a few things off my chest! So bear with me, will be back to more regular fare next week…

 Wisdom and folly both are like meats that are wholesome and unwholesome, and courtly or simple words are like town-made or rustic vessels – both kinds of food may be served in either kind of dish.

The inclination to seek the truth is safer than the presumption which regards unknown things as known.

We sin when we have our loves out of order.

~ All quotes courtesy of St. Augustine of Hippo (last one paraphrased via David Brooks)

Once again these past few weeks it feels like we’ve been kicked in the gut, bamboozled and sucker-punched. We have been experiencing an assault on our senses that takes extreme discipline and vigilance to filter and sift through, lest we become casualties of a different sort; reacting out of fear, being dragged into a divisive tornado, or simply unable to function due to the overwhelm of it all which affects us physically, emotionally and/or mentally. Or we pretend nothing is happening because it’s just too much.  We can’t seem to catch a break.

We are interconnected and impacted by each other more than ever; events everywhere are harder to ignore even if we wanted to, as social media only amplifies all that is happening. On the other hand, there are legions and layers of news – or narratives – that barely, if ever get to see the light of day from whatever story has hijacked the news cycle. And for a while now that’s been a revolving door of mass shootings, climate change/extreme weather, police brutality/racism, reproductive rights, domestic and foreign terrorism, refugees, and a Kardashian – interspersed with ads telling us to buy, buy, buy, now, now, now – all having their moments interchangeably ad nauseam. The fear-and-war-mongering is relentless.

It’s easy to feel powerless during these times but we can do our part as I always say, to “create peace in our piece of the pie.”  The first thing you can do is check your own thoughts and perceptions and consider the source of the information we are receiving, what is behind, what is underneath what has occurred – look beyond face value and put yourself on both sides of the equation:

Just because you behaved badly doesn’t mean you are a bad person; perhaps your behavior is controlling you due to an addiction, personality, disorder or mental illness.

Just because you are Muslim doesn’t mean you are fundamental extremist, and just because you are a Christian doesn’t mean that you are not.

Just because you are a police officer doesn’t mean you are innocent, and just because you are a poor person of color doesn’t meant that you’re not.

Just because you don’t have an abortion doesn’t mean that you are pro-life and just because you did doesn’t mean that you aren’t.

Just because you were incarcerated for a crime doesn’t mean that you were, or still are, a criminal.

Just because you have a lot of money or a fancy title doesn’t mean you are right, and just because are poor or uneducated doesn’t mean that you’re not.

…….

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The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. ~ J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Growing up is hard, love. Otherwise everyone would do it. ~ Kim Harrison, Pale Demon

It is our responsibility as nations and citizens to take care of each other and this planet we inhabit. But all too often it seems we forget that we have any say or power or control over our lives and environment as we go along in our daily routines – Mother Nature has her way with us; radical terrorists and out-of-control law enforcement use violence in extreme ways to threaten us physically and psychologically here and abroad; our government legislates what we should eat, think, and do with our bodies; and corporations use advertising, lobbying and Hollywood tell us who we are, what we should buy, believe in, and vote for, and what we should or should not be doing with our time, money and energy.

And in our private lives, we tend to rely on others – whether your parents, spouses and partners, friends, doctors, teachers, boss, news outlets and conventional wisdom – more than we should, and are more overwhelmed and distracted than ever with the consumption of digital media via accompanying gadgets/appendages. As a result, we forget we can have a unique opinion, make more conscious decisions that go against the grain, and above all think for ourselves rather than just absorb and digest (literally and metaphorically) what is being offered, served, or shoved down our throats.

When you’re a child, you generally have no choice or don’t know better and have to accept the status quo of whatever the adults around you say goes, but as you get older it’s time to check in and ask yourself, Who’s Your Daddy now?

Relationships are the glue that hold the world together and gives meaning to our lives; they include our relationship to ourselves, each other, our country, the Earth, and the Universe/God/Higher Power/ Nature.  But when we allow a relationship to anyone or anything outside ourselves to be the ultimate authority over us – whether with a parent, child, friend, the government, social media or zeitgeist – we are giving up our individual power to control our destiny and prevent ourselves from emotionally maturing. These are the types of unhealthy dependent relationships, rather than healthy interdependent ones, that are causing our planet to fall apart.

Growing up means taking responsibility for every aspect of your life. Many of us prefer to remain in a half-baked adulthood that never really evolves to its full potential because we are too busy or distracted to see who is really in control – and because it’s easier to pop a pill or let someone else take care of it. But it requires courage, elbow grease, and internal effort every step of the way to be who we are truly meant to be.

We all have to do our part to take ownership of our environment, health, and happiness in mind, body and spirit. No one else can do this for us. By becoming stronger in who you are you can then use our full power and potential to help those who cannot yet help themselves, and create structures and systems from microcosm to macrocosm that will support a sustainable and peaceful life no matter who you are or where you are from.

Still feeling like a Toys ‘R Us kid?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you mature into a full-fledged self-mama or self-papa (without losing that essential childlike sense of play!) so that we can create a global village of audacious authentic adults.

(*A version of today’s PGG was originally posted on September 25, 2014)

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When author and self-help/relationship guru Iyanla Vanzant was asked what her prayer is, she answered that she had three. The first one is “Help!” The second is “Help Now!” And the third is: “Thank you.”

Many studies and notable folks have promoted the benefits and magic that the energy of gratitude unleashes; whether writing a daily list, speaking it to others in your life, or silently acknowledging everything you are thankful for as they arise in and around you, gratitude opens your heart and is the best way to celebrate your life, stay grounded and reduce your stress no matter what.

Yes, we all know that Oprah keeps a gratitude journal, but even tough guy media mogul and bison king Ted Turner, in some of his darkest hours in the midst of a huge corporate mess and painful divorce, said that’s what kept him going. Every night before he went to sleep he would think about everything in life he was grateful for, and that helped get him through to another day.

Of course it’s easy to be grateful when things are going your way, got lucky or you prayers were answered, but what about in the midst of a difficult situation or for the things we take for granted and hardly even notice anymore?

It’s not always easy when you’re in the moment, but just try breaking out some appreciation when dealing with serious challenges and/or their aftermath (i.e. taking care of a sick/aging parent, being laid off from your job, breaking up with a longtime partner, facing a debilitating illness or physical disaster), and focus on whatever good the situation is allowing you to experience right then and there. Remember to think about other hard times you’ve gone through in the past – in hindsight you were always glad they happened, right?

There are so many ways and moments that we can use gratitude, not the least of which is in our everyday interactions – whether with friends, family, foe or stranger, the common courtesies of “please” and “thank you” go a long way and are indeed deposits in the gratitude account.

And the little things and everyday surroundings we take for granted are not to be overlooked; this truly is the stuff of life: “Thank you for the roof over my head, my functioning brain, my ability to dance and listen to music, all the work I’ve done on myself to get to this point. The fresh air, sunshine and easy access to the ocean as well as to the mountains; the rain that makes the leaves green and the air that those leaves create so I can breathe; for the good friends and people who support me and make me laugh…” you get the idea.

It’s even become automatic now that when I sit down to eat a meal, I briefly pause to silently give thanks for the fact that I have food before me and appreciate the nourishment it provides, the miracle of Nature, the variety of options available to me; for all the hard work it took to get it here; the people at the farmer’s market and grocery store; the fact that I had the money buy it and my ability to cook, see, smell, taste and digest it; for the pleasure it gives me. It takes only a few seconds to encompass that recognition and all of those thoughts into one acknowledging feeling, because when you really think about it, it truly is a blessing. (P.S. I LOVE food.)

And, as a professional coach, I am beyond grateful to all my clients, who trust me with your time, energy, journey and dollars, and allow me the opportunity to do something I truly love that helps you grow and heal your lives, which in turn has helped me to grow and heal mine.  And for my PGG readers who allow me to express myself in a creative way that you find beneficial and entertaining:  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

It’s true that “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” so if you can’t quite see the silver lining in the clouds around you, give me a buzz and I’ll help you taste the rainbow of your life.

Wishing you and your family peace and abundance this Thanksgiving holiday and beyond!

(*A version of today’s PGG was originally posted on July 8, 2014)

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These days it seems that ugly is the status quo. We are bombarded with so many negative events, factual and fictional – both served up as entertainment- that we have simply become used to it. In these days of doom and gloom I encourage you all to imagine the opposite: What if Beauty became the norm?

And when I talk about Beauty, I don’t mean a two-dimensional feast for the eyes, or pleasure for pleasure’s sake, although that is part of it.  True beauty is three-dimensional; it is something to be felt and experienced, not just superficially appreciated.  Beauty happens inside and out.  It is never just cosmetic. It is something to be absorbed by every fiber of your being, whether admiring a work of art, listening to music, observing Nature in its magnificent glory, witnessing an act of courage or compassion or enjoying a person’s human expression at its best.

So, where do we begin, how do we do this? It’s tempting to just tune out and distract ourselves with whatever we can, and hope that the problems of the world instantly vanish or some drug company creates a pill for peace.  But the truth is that the more disconnected and desensitized we become, the more problems we will have.

Most people are walking around emotionally constipated. We need to keep our senses alive, intact, ebbing and flowing in a balanced way – yet not letting them run the show or allowing any external images or situations grab control of us. We need to be able to respond from the deepest human level so we can know how to react, when to take action, when to pick up the phone, when to tweet or post something, when to set boundaries or ask for help, and when to turn off the TV or computer.

Brene Brown, in her now-famous Ted Talk on vulnerablity, tells us that when we numb the bad, we numb the good too.  So you can’t just shut yourself off if you want to feel love, compassion, empathy, kindness, and yes even feel beauty.   Feeling means we are alive.  If not, then what are we?

Duality is a fact of life: in order to appreciate the sunshine, you need the rain. Once you are able to connect with and feel ALL of what is going on within you, with a little regular detox of  laughter and tears, you can deal with the not-so-pleasant emotions as they come up, let go of them more easily, and conversely take hold of and relish in the positive, ecstatic and joyous ones even longer – expanding and benefiting from that energy more profoundly.

Look for Beauty everywhere and let in the Beauty to overpower the beast. Allow the darkness, anger, pain and shame to move through you so that you can then use that same vehicle to embody and express supreme joy and love when they abound. You can then more accurately observe and call out injustice because you know in your heart what truth, justice, goodness and beauty look and feel like.

Not quite sure how to go from Blah to Bliss? Give me a buzz, and I’ll show you how living life as a fully-fledged member of the human race has its rewards, and being able to FEEL Truth, Freedom, Beauty & Love are by far the best!

(A version of today’s PGG was originally posted on August 20, 2014)

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We don’t want to hear about the process because we want everything to be instantaneous. Process in life always comes before the promotion. ~ T.D. Jakes

Now so much I know that things just don’t grow if you don’t bless them with your patience. ~ ‘Emmylou’ by First Aid Kit

As a professional coach for over eight years now, I find this a major theme that comes up over and over with most everyone I work with.  Everybody wants answers and results overnight; they want action steps and bullet points to go from A to B to C.  And they get very frustrated when I tell them it doesn’t work like that!

But if they listen, do the ‘homework’ and begin to understand and internalize what I have to say, it is inevitable that they will get answers, rediscover and connect to themselves, see light at the end of the tunnel, feel an inner shift, gain a new perspective, land their dream job, increase their self-esteem, are more integrated and fulfilled than they could have ever imagined.  And more times than not, at the end of the day, month, year(s), I get a begrudging….”You were right!”

For any lasting growth and change to occur you have to embrace the three Ps – process, patience, and persistence. Depending what you are working on, you could see or feel results after one session, six weeks, six months, or three years; some shifts are big and external, but most are subtle and more internal because they are still ‘cooking’ so to speak.  Remember we are always evolving, and the acorn does not become the oak tree overnight!

Certain times of the year inspire more focus on change than others, whether organic or collectively agreed upon with, say, a Western calendar….The change of seasons and turning back of the clock is one of the many shifts we are now working with.

So no matter what time of year, before you go galloping into the future all willy-nilly, be s ure you are implementing the changes that you truly desire and are going in the best direction at this time in your life, or perhaps make a course correction. Either way, you want to harness that energy to make the most of the months ahead and if you need some help, give me a buzz – I’ll be the Horse Whisperer that will guide you to the clarity, balance and direction you need in any area of your life to make it the best it can be!

(*A version of today’s PGG was originally posted on January 28, 2014)

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The American poet and educator Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said “Great is the art of beginning, but greater is the art of ending.”

A marathon like the famous one NYC just held is a fantastic metaphor for life and how to accomplish what you want in it.  It begins with a commitment, after which you must prepare and discipline yourself with dedication and enthusiasm. You must travel lean – lighten your load of physical, mental and/or emotional baggage along the way.  There will be moments where you feel you can’t go on, but someone, even a complete stranger, will say or do something that will spur and cheer you on. You must have faith in yourself and know there is indeed light at the end of the tunnel.

I have a client who after being laid off from his corporate job realized he wanted to have his own business to be more in control his future.  With a deep belief in himself and a lot of trial and error, blood, sweat and tears, a year and a half later he is now a top national producer.  He keeps his eye on the prize, paces himself, and with stamina and persistence is able to get the job done (and continues to attend our weekly Thursdays at Three group to stay on track, stay balanced and gain support!).

Even with the uncertainty that it brings, he is infinitely happier than when he was working 9-5 with a steady paycheck.  Because he knew what he wanted, made the internal decision and took the necessary external steps, he now reaps the immediate and tangible results of his efforts.

Whether a tortoise or a hare, slow and steady generally wins the race, no matter how long it takes. As long as you start and finish it there is satisfaction because the journey is just as if not more significant than the goal. The important thing is not to compare yourself to others – because we are all at different places in this marathon called life; you need to know your own personal best in any area you are focusing on.

No one can run that race for you, but whether beginner or pro, give me a buzz and I’ll be a super-coach to get you to the finish line via the most direct and satisfying route, guiding, cheering and providing some motivational Gatorade every step of the way!

(*Today’s PGG was originally posted on November 9, 2010)

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With Halloween approaching, we are bombarded with spooky images and haunted houses to remind us it’s that time of year to face our deepest fears. But the majority of things that frightens us isn’t conjured from external forces. Like the creepiness that comes from being in a house of mirrors, what usually freaks people out the most is seeing themselves multiplied a hundred times!

When in your own personal house of horrors, no matter how many cobwebs and shadows you find, know that we all have darker aspects of our personality, and we’re never confronted with anything we can’t handle, so we should never be afraid. Whether your fears and ugly parts are real or imagined, the key is not to run from them. The only thing to do is to shed light on the source of our anxieties and perceived inadequacies, get to their roots and make adjustments that will bring us closer to the most fulfilled and peaceful versions of ourselves.

And like the end of a scary movie, it comes down to you and only you to fight for your life.  There is no magic formula or genie in a bottle, no Calgon or knight in shining armor to take you away. Taking responsibility for your life centers you in who you are and what you want – fantasy and illusion, or simply ignoring things, move you farther away. It’s up to you to create your own happiness and what you want in your life, and ask for help along the way.

So if you need to do a little exorcising of your inner ghouls and goblins, who ya gonna call?  Like Ghostbusters or those meddling kids in Scooby-Doo, I will expose and expel the real cause of your heebie-jeebies and things that go bump in the night so you can move forward and make the changes you need to be all of who you are in the bright light of day!

(*Today’s PGG was originally posted on October 26, 2010)

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Tell me what’s wrong with having a little faith in what you’re feelin’ in your heart.  – The Dixie Chicks (via Patty Griffin)

I try not to think as much as possible. This serves me well for many reasons. First of all, I am somewhat dyslexic, so the more I stay out of my head, the clearer things are for me. And forget about speaking; whenever I do my seminars what I say has to come from my heart and gut, otherwise I would get super-confused and choke from stage fright and the fear of sounding stupid. I have learned to operate this way more and more; it reduces stress by keeping me connected to myself and in the flow of life, in harmony with who I am and what I need or want at any given moment. It is the best motivational, decision-making and communications tool I possess, because I have harnessed and developed it as such.

In the movie Jerry Maguire, Tom Cruise confronts Cuba Gooding, Jr . about why he has not yet been offered a $10 million dollar contract, citing that the way he is off the field is how he needs to be on the field. “You play with your head, not your heart. in your personal life? Heart….Play the game, play it from your heart and you know what, I will show you the kwan. That’s the truth man, can you handle it?” Jerry knew that if Rod did what he loved with love, then, and only then, would he be able to show him the money.

And that doesn’t just hold true in the movies. Steve Tisch, a proud owner of the NY Giants, declared that the key to their big victory this past weekend was that they ” …played with more heart, more passion, and more love for each other and for the game of football.” Does that negate, replace, or even diminish all the hard work, training, strategy, talent and skill necessary to achieve such great heights? No, of course not. But it’s the thing that will make the difference between a good team and a great team, a good life and a great one.

Most of us are taught to live by our heads, logic and ego, not by our hearts and guts. But only when we listen to our hearts and put love into everything are we our most authentic selves, which means living our truth. And when we are living our truth, we can then more easily speak our truth, and stand in our truth. And that is the best way to guarantee peace and prosperity in our lives, no matter what the circumstances.

Million dollar contract, Lombardi Trophy or not, we are all players the Super Bowl of Life – so are you playing with your head or your heart?  Give me a buzz and I’ll make sure that unlike Tom Cruise in his confrontation with Jack Nicholson , you can indeed handle the truth and start living in alignment with who you are and what you want to make happen both on the field and off!

(*Today’s PGG was originally posted on February 7, 2012)

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