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I am not a teacher but an awakener. ~ Robert Frost

The dream begins, most of the time, with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you on to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called truth. ~ Dan Rather

Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher. ~ Japanese proverb

It’s that time of year when notebooks and knapsacks abound and all sorts of new beginnings and nerves are in the air, bringing with it the possibilities and excitement that arrive with the start of an academic year. Whether or not you find yourself in an actual classroom this Fall, we are all students in this school called Life, which means that anyone and any situation can be our teacher, and education can come in all shapes and forms.

It is often those who are closest to us who teach us the exact lessons we never knew we needed (or wanted) to learn – either directly, like my six year old niece, who in her own words very calmly told my brother she wished he hadn’t found the prescription sunglasses he lost for the umpteenth time because he needed to learn to pay better attention to his personal possessions and the harsher consequences of their non-recovery; or indirectly, like a co-worker, friend or family member who likes to talk a lot forces you to be a better listener, have more patience and/or set boundaries

And whatever ‘class’ you are in, sometimes you must first fail miserably in order to then pass with flying colors, because we can’t learn a thing without making a few mistakes, a little trial and error to perfect that which we need to master. Hopefully you can figure out that the experience itself was the teacher, or have someone around to help glean what you need to learn and grow as a result. The good news is that you will never repeat a ‘class’ when you’ve truly learned the lesson the hard way, and if you’re lucky, sometimes you can even have a teacher who helps you skip several grades.

Whether you think like Pink Floyd or feel like Lauryn Hill, learning is a lifelong process and everything serves its purpose in the bigger picture for you to graduate at the end of your life with honors.

So this September be grateful for all those amazing teachers you’ve had both inside the classroom and out. Thank the role models, mentors and instructors who serve as great examples of achievement and inspiration as well as the challenging bosses, employees and clients, the bullies and mean girls, the tough coach, your current or ex-boy/girlfriend/partner/spouse, your pain in the neck big or little brother or sister; anyone who gave you a hard time, and especially those difficult ‘tests’ you endured because they, too, helped form your character, and are all opportunities to make you a better you.

Need to repeat (or stop repeating) a few classes or get a little tutoring to bring you closer to the grade you deserve? Give me a buzz and I’ll be sure you get a gold star or A+ on that project, because you can make your life much closer to a 4.0 than you could ever imagine!

**Be sure to take advantage of my special Back to School September discount offer!**

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on September 6, 2011)

A regular Personal Growth Gab (PGG) will be back here next week, but since September is another ‘New Year’ according to the school (and Jewish!) calendars it’s a great time to check in with yourself and your goals, so I’ll be offering a special discount for my coaching services throughout the month.  

CLICK HERE FOR SPECIAL COACHING DISCOUNTS FOR THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER

(Be sure to sign up to have PGG’s delivered in your mailbox each week using the “Join Our Email List” icon at the top of the page when the link opens!)

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace. ~ Jimi Hendrix

If you have been receiving PGGs for a while, or have worked with me individually or come to one of my group sessions, you know that I talk a lot about love. But the love that I talk about is not some airy-fairy, nambi-pambi, hippie-dippy notion or one that has been misused, watered-down, misunderstood or simply lost its meaning with lip service.

Real love is the real deal. As Mahatma Gandhi says “Love is the strongest force the world possesses and yet it is the humblest imaginable.”  Fifty years ago we witnessed an era where our Civil Rights leaders and all those who were part of that struggle dug deep and called upon this force within themselves to withstand the immense opposition and cruelty they experienced on a daily basis in order to transform society as it existed at the time.

More recently we could not have had a more immediate, direct and tangible example of this phenomenon when one single woman, Antoinette Tuff, used it to save the lives of over 800 people, most of them children, from a lone, heavily loaded mentally ill gunman in Decatur, Georgia.  If you do not know the story, or haven’t seen this extraordinary woman talk about what happened, you must learn about her. (Google the numerous stories, or watch this interview and  listen to the entire 911 call).

As humans we are all built from the same stuff.  Love doesn’t know race, sexual orientation or religion – if you are human you can love.  If you are human you respond to love.  As Antoinette and Michael Stipe say, Everybody Hurts sometimes. Everyone needs connection and affection.  Compassion and empathy are palpable and are the best antidotes to fear and pain.

If you’ve seen me speak, you know I am always mentioning the fact that the root of the word for courage is Latin for ‘heart’.  Which means that true bravery is about connecting to that part of yourself, knowing its innate power, and having faith in a force greater and wiser than yourself (or beyond your ego/brain).

So the next time you find yourself in a challenging situation or being attacked in some form, whether it be mental, emotional, or yes, sometimes even physical, instead of using violence to counteract violence, why not call upon the most powerful weapon at your disposal: L.O.V.E.  

Need a little help harnessing the heft of your heart? Give me a buzz and I will show you how to give it a good work-out, because at the end of the day love like is a muscle – the more you use it, the stronger it will become – and who knows what miracles will occur in your life or the lives of others because of it!

Click here for a pretty version of my Personal Growth Gab (PGG) eblast with this post and lots more info! You can also sign up to have them land in your inbox every week!

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Do you have the discipline to be a free spirit? ~ Gabrielle Roth

In the movie Silver Linings Playbook, the main characters Pat and Tiffany are in training for a big dance competition that turns out to be much more than a fancy booty shaking contest. A unique romantic dramedy, it’s a film that shows there is a fine line between sanity and insanity, acceptable versus unacceptable behavior, and the beauty of living life to the beat of your own drum.

In the movie The Sessions, Mark O’Brien is confined to an iron lung 20 hours a day, existing on a gurney unable to move from the neck down, and yet he writes poetry, is a professional journalist and decides to hire a sex surrogate so he can experience the most human of experiences. We go along on his journey (based on a true story!) and find him to be one of the most alive, loving and liberated individuals to have ever lived despite such extreme physical limitations.

And as seen in the movie Lincoln, our 16th president is clearly not your Average Joe. He was always thinking out of the box, used his quirky sense of humor to diffuse or illuminate situations, and took numerous risks throughout the most heart-wrenching circumstances our country has endured. He stretched the Constitution to its limit, working within an established framework while implementing his own interpretation and/or bending the rules based on his hard-earned wisdom, keen observations and superior judgment as unprecedented needs arose and critical decisions had to be made in order for progress to occur.

In the conscious movement class I take, we are told to ‘dance it your way’ and have breaks of ‘free dance’ where we boogie as we see fit; it’s not chaotic because there is an organized structure and unity contained within the flow as we come back together intermittently as a group throughout the hour. It’s a super-small class because for many people, when given the opportunity to move and think for themselves, even for just a few moments, is a daunting and uncomfortable feeling; it’s an empowering exercise that requires more effort and less inhibition, and many simply don’t know what to do if they are not following the instructor. And that, my friends, is indicative of a larger problem with implications reaching much farther than a gym studio.

Spielberg’s Lincoln asks, “Do you think we choose to be born? Or are we fitted to the times we’re born into?” As citizens of the 21st century, we are certainly living in extraordinary times that will require us to become the fullest and most unique beings we are meant to be. We each have something that needs to be expressed, something that no other person on this planet, no one who has come before or will come after can express. Right now we need new ways of looking at old problems and to change old ways in order deal with new problems, so it’s more important than ever for you to do your own thang, because there is no other way to generate inspiration and birth innovation.

In any era it’s easy to get stuck in past habits and sucked into the zeitgeist of the day. Resist the urge to follow the herd, fight to honor yourself, think and speak your own thoughts and begin to know and create yourself anew every moment of every day instead of getting swept up by social media, news, commercials, and even your peer groups, work and ethnic cultures or family and friends who are all, consciously or not, forces that can easily grab hold of your mind, body, spirit and/or bank account. Don’t let your physical characteristics, family roots or societal dictates squash all the rhythms inside you that might be quite different from what those outside influences might have you believe, say or do.

Not sure exactly what your groove thing is? Give me a buzz and I’ll get you started with some basic choreography and point you in the right direction, because ultimately You Should Be Dancing your own steps throughout life, hopefully with a fun disco floor beneath your feet along the way!

Today’s PGG was originally posted on November 28, 2012

If you’re anything like me, many of my clients, and millions of humans, you are often your own worst enemy and harshest critic.  Perhaps you set imaginary limits and keep yourself from experiencing all that life has to offer, holding back for ‘rational’ reasons or subconscious thoughts based on irrational fears and silly untruths.

Since I can’t clone myself (yet!?), I, too, sometimes need an outside brain to get a little perspective and see things I can’t quite perceive within myself.  And because the majority of my work as a coach is listening, sometimes I, like all humans, just need to talk and be heard.

Therefore, I am ever-grateful for my closest friends and un-official therapists who support me in various ways and set me straight (whether they know it or not!) with additional insights and tools I need to become unblocked, make adjustments and move forward.  

Because I spend an extraordinary amount of quality time with myself and practice what I preach/write, one thing I most definitely am is self-aware.  So when I get to a point when I gain even more awareness of things I probably should have been aware of in the first place, I can get into a cycle of beating myself up for not being aware enough!  As my holistic healer friend Noga says, “Ah, the problems of being a conscious person!”

Along with a new awareness I recently gained came feelings of ickiness, shame, stupidity, and all around disgust for allowing things not to have clicked for me in a certain way up until this point. This did not feel good, but in a twisted way felt right, because I was punishing myself, which seemed appropriate for the transgression against yours truly.  Oh, how the ego loves that!

As I always say, your time and energy is your most precious resource.  I can tell you this: punishing and beating yourself up is a waste of that precious commodity and serves no purpose whatsoever (besides the fact that it can greatly adversely affect your health)!  So what do you do?

I normally have a few tools in my toolbox to process such a spell, but thanks to Noga was introduced to a new one:  pretend the feeling is like holding a pen in your hand, and just drop it.  DONE. GONE. ARRIVEDERCI.  Since I have developed quite the strong muscle for being in the present and monitoring my thoughts, I simply needed to transfer this skill to eliminating useless, unproductive, and destructive emotions!  And guess what?  It works!

So for this week’s PGG, I really just wanted to share that.  And for all of you out there who could use a little more awareness yourself, need someone to talk to (with x-ray vision and supersonic hearing) who can offer you some insights and tools, or simply need a little help developing your own ‘presence’ muscle, give me a buzz.  I will be there to meet you wherever you are at in da funky club of life!

For related thoughts on this topic, check out my posts Mommie Dearest and The Present of Presence

Every life we have some trouble, but when you worry you make it double. ~ Bobby McFerrin

As the saying goes, there are three things that are certain in life: death, taxes and change. Change comes in all shapes and sizes, some more scary than others. Climate change, career change, graduations, marriages and relationships changes, TV changes, sex changes, change of residences, and regime change to name a few – and June seems chock full of them!

The reality is that time keeps on slippin’ into the future, so we have no choice in the matter of change, because like Kevin James’ dancing in Hitch [ff to 2:10], “You can’t stop this, you cannnoottt stop it… ”

Most folks have a hard time with change. We’d rather stay comfy and/or miserable rather than letting go of our crutches and seeing what else life might have in store us. We cannot control things but we can control how we respond to them: we can resist and go kicking and screaming or we can accept that change happens, and just go with the flow.

Going with the flow means listening to yourself, and giving yourself what you need at any particular moment. The best way to navigate change is to trust in yourself and be your own best counsel, so it’s important to have that ‘muscle’ in place as you go over the white water rapids of feelings that come with this thing called life.

Change is not always fun, but it’s almost always for the better, because change forces growth and growth is good. And once the change happens, we can’t be like a goldfish who lived in a fishbowl his whole life but then when put into the ocean still swims around in a little circle as if he were still in a bowl!

David Bowie tells us time can change you but you can’t trace time. So this summer, if you feel you are ready to be hatched, then fly, be free! Not quite like Mork’s egg, but more like Steve Miller’s Eagle or with the help of Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds and the wonder of that other Stevie who sings, Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing

But if you’re not quite ready to fly the coop, walk without those crutches, or swim in the big blue ocean, give me a buzz and you can Lean on Me until you get strong and carry on!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on June 7, 2011)

Click here for a pretty version of my Personal Growth Gab (PGG) eblast with this post and lots more info!  You can also sign up to have them land in your inbox every week

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Last week marked the 41st anniversary of the landing of Apollo 11 on the moon, where the famous words uttered by Neil Armstrong beamed down “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.” Most of us will not be able to have our feet touch the lunar landscape in our lifetime, but can you imagine what kind of step would be the equivalent of that for your life here on Earth?

When you’re on a tightrope or crossing over a stream you must be very conscious and super-present at every moment, as one wrong move would surely cause you harm. Each step serves its unique purpose to get you further to your destination, no matter if there are 200, 20, or a very special 12.

As the wise saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Sometimes we need to take baby steps, sometimes we have to take one giant step, and many times we seem to take two steps forward and one step back.

But most of all, from time to time, it’s important for us to step outside our comfort zone. If we don’t take the initiative to stretch ourselves here and there, then we often miss opportunities to learn and grow (and/or the Universe eventually ends up pushing us one way or another anyway)!

So if you are in transition or at a place where you feel like your footing is a little unsure, give me a buzz. I will help you get your bearings, hold your hand, keep you steady, and guide you along, one step at a time, to get from one side of the riverbank to the other or one moonbeam to the next.

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on July 20, 2010)

*Check out my latest article published in The Daily Muse:  5 Ways to Kick Start Your Job Search* 

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Synergy – the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously. ~ Mark Twain

I find it curious that the words desperate and disparate sound so similar; and although their meanings are distinct and technically have nothing to do with each other, I think there is a correlation.

A well know strategy used by one group to influence power over another is to ‘divide and conquer’; to keep people, things, countries, ideas, religions and feeling separate and often opposed to one another. This way they are unable to come together as a unified force and therefore have strength to accomplish their goals and objectives, which disempowers them. Regardless of whether the power desired or deserved outcome on either end is good or bad, it is a tactic that is extremely effective.

The most obvious place to observe this happening is in the military and political arenas, but there are more subtle ways that this truth can affect us in our everyday lives – within our families, at our jobs, in our neighborhoods, in the media and entertainment we consume, and often, within ourselves.

Lately I’ve noticed a lot of folks are feeling disjointed, fragmented and compartmentalized at best; discombobulated or defeated at worst. Everywhere we turn there seems to be a sledgehammer creating wedges and a myriad of distractions coming at us from all sides; it’s us against them, head against heart, black vs. white, profit versus people, logic battling intuition, young vs. old; material values vs. spiritual ones, mental vs. emotional health vs. physical health.

As the saying goes, we can’t serve two masters – we must be unified in that which we revere and honor, integrate our disparate parts and connect to who we are, so that we can connect to others for the greater good. Because when we don’t we feel lost and alone, which when not addressed, can lead to feeling desperate. And that is never a good place to be – because decisions made from fear and desperation are never the best choices.

So if you’re having a little trouble synthesizing your yin with your yang, make sure you take some quality time with yourself and/or give me a buzz; just like Stevie and Paul’s piano, I’ll help arrange all your internal and external parts in a way that you, too, can live with yourself, and others, in perfect harmony.

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on April 5, 2011)

One of the things I try to do when speaking to groups in career transition is put back the power in their hands and their hearts. I let you know you should not accept your fate as victims of a system or think you are subject to the whims of the economy, conventional wisdom, how things appear on the surface or any external voices; and that where there is a will there is a way.

I want you to find the connection, strength and truth of who you are, how you got to this moment, and then motivate you to make the changes necessary to grow and move forward in a positive direction in your career and life.  I ask you to take back control of your job search, trust in the process, and often end in a half-jokingly way with my fist up and the rally call ‘Power to the People’!

It’s not that I ignore the cold hard reality of the way the world works these days and how that might impact job prospects or a fulfilling existence, but I do want to wake folks up to the fact that you are not passive participants in life, and that you have much more power over and responsibility for your situation than you might realize or want to admit, which means that you can’t blame anyone, and you probably just have to work a little harder and/or smarter to get the results you want.

We’ve collectively come to a crossroads where this could not be more true – we’ve allowed a variety of entities to take over, bombard and bamboozle our hearts and minds and bodies- whether governments, corporations, the military, Hollywood, or some combination of them all – to take advantage of our numbing tendencies, heads in the sand, electronic distractions and/or sheer need to survive the daily grind…how much longer can we take it?

With all the recent talk on spying, why not do some internal surveillance to observe and feel what’s going on in your life right now – what kind of tyranny is dictating your thoughts, words and deeds, consciously or subconsciously?  Where can you take action, even if only symbolic, to show that you, not your oppressor, is in charge? What is your version of Tahrir, Taksim or Brasilia?  What would Edith Windsor, Wendy Davis or Tim DeChristopher do in your situation? What Supreme Court  judgments do you need to overturn or restore in your heart? How can you bend the rules in your favor without breaking them or engage in civil disobedience when they are no longer (or never were) valid or have become corrupted? Where do you need more courage in your life?  What can you liberate yourself from?

As I always say, personal transformation is the key to social transformation, so if we want a better world we need to start with our own. Use that intelligence gathering to find something, someone or some idea in your life that is holding you back – keeping in mind that this is often our own ego or limiting beliefs! Perhaps it is simply letting go of an image of how you think you are supposed to be or were told you are, or approaching a health issue, relationship or unemployment with forgiveness and a new point of view that puts you in the driver’s seat. Or maybe the most radical thing you can do is love yourself unconditionally.

Need a little help Shaking the Tree?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you find the Strength, Courage and Wisdom to Use the Force and create the life you so deserve!

Tell me what’s wrong with having a little faith in what you’re feelin’ in your heart. – The Dixie Chicks (via Patty Griffin)

I try not to think as much as possible. This serves me well for many reasons. First of all, I am somewhat dyslexic, so the more I stay out of my head, the clearer things are for me. And forget about speaking; whenever I do my seminars what I say has to come from my heart and gut otherwise I would get super-confused and choke from stage fright and the fear of sounding stupid.

I have learned to operate this way more and more; it reduces stress by keeping me connected to myself and in the flow of life, in harmony with who I am and what I need or want at any given moment. It is the best source of motivation, decision-making and communications tool I possess because I have harnessed and developed it as such.

In the movie Jerry Maguire, Tom Cruise confronts Cuba Gooding, Jr. about why he hasn’t been offered a ten million dollar contract yet, citing that how he is off the field is how he needed to be on the field. “Right now you play with your head….in your personal life: heart….Play the game Rod, play it from your heart and you know what, I will show you the kwan. That’s the truth, can you handle it?” Jerry knew that if Rod did what he loved with love, then, and only then, would he be able to show him the money.

And that doesn’t just hold true in the movies. Steve Tisch, proud co-owner of the NY Giants declared that the key to their big victory this past weekend was that they “…played with heart, with passion, with love for each other and for the game of football.”

Does that negate, replace or even diminish all the hard work, training, strategy, talent and skill necessary to achieve such great heights? No, of course not. But it’s the thing that will make the difference between a good team and a great team, a good life and a great one.

Most of us are taught to live by our heads, logic and ego, not by our hearts and guts. But only when we listen to our hearts and put love into everything are we our most authentic selves, which means living our truth. And when we are living our truth, we can then more easily speak our truth, and stand in our truth. And that is the best way to guarantee peace and prosperity in our lives, no matter what the circumstances may be.

Million dollar contract, Lombardi Trophy or not, we are all players the Superbowl Game of Life – so are you playing with your head or your heart? Give me a buzz and I’ll make sure that unlike Tom Cruise’s confrontation with Jack Nicholson, you can indeed handle the truth and start living in alignment with who you are and what you want to make happen both on the field and off!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted February 7, 2012)