I am not a teacher but an awakener. ~ Robert Frost

The dream begins, most of the time, with a teacher who believes in you, who tugs and pushes and leads you on to the next plateau, sometimes poking you with a sharp stick called truth. ~ Dan Rather

Better than a thousand days of diligent study is one day with a great teacher. ~ Japanese proverb

It’s that time of year when notebooks and knapsacks abound and all sorts of new beginnings and nerves are in the air, bringing with it the possibilities and excitement that arrive with the start of an academic year.  Whether or not you find yourself in an actual classroom this Fall, we are all students in this school called Life, which means that anyone and any situation can be our teacher, and education can come in all shapes and forms.

It is often those who are closest to us who teach us the exact lessons we never knew we needed (or wanted) to learn – either directly, like my six year old niece, who in her own words very calmly told my brother she wished he hadn’t found the prescription sunglasses he lost for the umpteenth time because he needed to learn to pay better attention to his personal possessions and the harsher consequences of their non-recovery; or indirectly, like a co-worker, friend or family member who likes to talk a lot forces you to be a better listener, have more patience and/or set boundaries.

Whatever ‘class’ you are in, sometimes you must first fail miserably in order to then pass with flying colors, because we can’t learn a thing without making a few mistakes, a little trial and error to perfect that which we need to master…  Hopefully you can figure out that the experience itself was the teacher, or have someone around to help  glean what you need to learn and grow as a result.  The good news is that you will never repeat a ‘class’ when you’ve truly learned the lesson the hard way,  and if you’re lucky, sometimes you can even have a teacher who helps you skip several grades.

Whether you think like Pink Floyd or feel like Lauryn Hill,  learning is a lifelong process and everything serves its purpose in the bigger picture for you to graduate at the end of your life with honors.

So this September be grateful for all those amazing teachers you’ve had both inside the classroom and out.  Thank the role models, mentors and instructors who serve as great examples of achievement and inspiration as well as the challenging bosses, employees and clients, the bullies and mean girls, the tough coach, your current or ex boy/girlfriend/partner/spouse, your pain in the neck big or little brother or sister; anyone who gave you a hard time, and especially those difficult ‘tests’ you endured because they, too, helped form your character, and are all opportunities to make you a better you.

Need to repeat (or stop repeating) a few classes or get a little tutoring to bring you closer to the grade you deserve?  Give me a buzz and I’ll be sure you get a gold star or A+ on that project, because you can make your life much closer to a 4.0 than you could ever imagine!

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. ~ FDR

Do the thing you fear the most and the death of fear is certain. ~ Mark Twain

It used to be that scary movies only came out around Halloween, and there were just a handful at that.  Nowadays they seem to be released throughout the year in waves and are more creepy, disturbing and bloody than ever.

Besides the usual monster mashes and alien invasions, there are the stories that prey on our defenselessness to natural disasters, biological vulnerabilities and other such forces beyond our control. And then there are the films and shows that simply glamorize and cool-ify violence and revenge, and types of people who are clearly negative, like serial killers, drug dealers, vampires, ghosts and witches to name a few.  That last group scares me the most, as they are slowly but surely desensitizing us to characters with qualities we should not want to be chummy or fall in love with.  But I digress…

When it comes to our ‘real’ lives, there are all sorts of metaphoric and literal things that go bump in the night, but the biggest one and root cause of all the others is the fear of the unknown. Whether wondering what that noise in the basement is, what havoc a major hurricane, earthquake or terrorist attack will wreak, to being unsure of where your next meal, paycheck or retirement income will come from, or what happens when you have to speak in front of a crowd or after you take your last breath…. all the possibilities that can run rampant in your head boils down to one outcome: not knowing what the outcome is.

Most humans, especially Americans, and particularly New Yorkers, like to control everything. And because we are constantly active and living in this 21st century distraction-filled and overstimulated world, the paradox and irony of the antidote to the fear of the unknown is for many the biggest fear of all: knowing ourselves.

The best way to deal with any fear and anxiety (no, not grabbing for a xanax) is by being in the present deal and with what is right now, not what was or what could be.  And to be in the present you have to be with yourself.

By being in touch and comfortable with who you are and what you know and are capable of, you can take control of your life in a healthy way and come to trust in the process of a Universe that is always conspiring for your good. At the same time you must be vigilant and discerning as to what might be posing an actual threat or leading you astray.  The goal is to balance that faith and trust with information, knowledge and understanding by being practical, realistic and prepared without becoming or succumbing to an alarmist, getting caught up in others fears or letting your imagination run wild – because it’s almost never as bad as we think it will be.

There is a school of thought that says the opposite of love is fear, which makes sense since the way to overcome fear is with courage, a word whose Latin root means ‘heart’, the muscle we use to express – you got it: love. So whatever it is you are currently afraid of, Put a Little Love in Your Heart and notice the fear starts to melt away.

Feeling like the Lion in the Land of Oz?  Give me a buzz and I’ll show you what fears are real and imagined, and help you develop the courage to move forward on your own personal yellow brick road. I promise you’ll be stronger, braver and wiser for having made the leap of faith to a new normal where you will wonder ‘what was I so afraid of in the first place’? 

This Friday, August 26th is Women’s Equality Day, the anniversary of the women’s vote and which the liberation movement of the 70’s declared an official holiday to recognize the full human rights of women in every area of life.

Many women who were too young or not yet born before that time take much of how we exist and the choices we have for granted, not realizing the struggles so many before us endured to get this far.   We’ve come a long way here in America, and more recently around the globe, thanks to the dedication and sacrifice of thousands of feminists and human rights activists.  But we’re not there yet.

Although we’ve made legal advances on the books, there is still a lot to be accomplished culturally, which is a more insidious, challenging fight. Ironically, this Friday August 26th there is a movie called Colombiana coming out – the premise and their marketing of it is quite deceiving with its gorgeous star and tagline “Revenge is Beautiful.” It’s the most current and blatant in a series of a trend in films and tv shows written and directed by men glorifying extreme male behavior by casting the protaginist as an attractive woman.

These are not feminine roles although they are cast with women, which gives us a false sense of progress.

This past weekend a celebrity wedding took place with much ado made about it although I’m not sure why.  Famous for being famous, flaunting their extravagance while most are struggling to make ends meet, and treating each other disrespectfully, these alluring beautiful women earn their money by selling a voyeuristic view to their lives and are quick to add fuel to the fantasy fairytale notion of weddings without showing, at least to the world, any true understanding about the real meaning of marriage.

In NYC, lately everywhere you look women are wearing shoes that they can barely walk in; the heels, platforms and wedges keep getting higher and higher. Along with bra-burning this was one of the things women’s libbers protested against.  I do love a good shoe (although I am six feet tall and would look slightly scary in four inch platforms) and am as fond of fashion as the next gal, but not being able to walk is pushing it a bit too far and literally defines the saying being a ‘slave to fashion’.

So yes, women are getting ahead in many ways, but when you put them in shoes that are meant for a different kind of street walking, they can barely move.

Men are not the enemy and women are certainly not perfect. But we have to be careful when we see women being used as masks to the negative ways men operate or exaggerated versions of the way men would like us to be and think we have advanced.  And there are more women in leaderships positions than ever, but it doesn’t mean anything if they are just behaving with a male agenda and perspective.  We need a balanced, positive dose of the best of both worlds.

Know you should be liberated but not quite feelin’ free?  Whether male or female, give me a buzz and I’ll show you where you may be getting duped or taken advantage of by “the man” and how you can make the most of your masculine and feminine sides by asserting yourself with grace and compassion.

In 2009, Southern Australia experienced some of the worst bushfires in over 20 years.  But the climate and landscape make them a regular occurrence, and many flora and fauna have adapted over time to use these periodic blazes to fertilize its soil, spread their seed and regenerate more quickly. New species that can thrive in such conditions have been introduced and folks in many places have even used controlled forest fires to remove underbrush and clear land for other constructive uses.

So with all the heartache and devastation that accompanies such incidents, it’s important to remember that there is a positive and negative aspect to everything; even disasters can ultimately be productive and have a silver lining.  One thing is for sure: you cannot ignore a fire. 

Sometimes we get to the place where destruction is required for something to be addressed/corrected/acknowledged and/or given the opportunity for that which is new and improved to exist.  The riots in London, the stock market and debt ceiling madness, the crises in Syria and Somalia, extreme weather and other ‘fires’ both here and around the world are ablaze, calling us to pay attention to them in one way or another. It’s up to us to know what needs to hosed down, and what needs to simply burn baby burn.

In many ancient cultures, it is said the immortal mythical phoenix dies many deaths by bursting into flames only to return once again, rising from its own ashes for all eternity.  As you look upon the landscape of your own life, what needs to be consumed and let go of in its current form in order to be reborn anew more magnificently?

Can’t quite see through the smoke or feel the heat? Give me a buzz and I’ll show you which fires need to be put out, which need to be stoked and where one might need to be consciously lit under your butt so that something better can sprout up in its place and you can move forward in any area of your life.  I’ll either be that spark to Light Your Fire or help you with Burning Down the House…

When things aren’t quite going your way, it’s easy to fall into the grass is always greener syndrome. But as the saying goes, before you judge a man (or covet his life), walk a mile in his shoes.

You don’t have to turn back the clock , eat a magical fortune cookie, ride in a souped up DeLorean or relieve yourself in an enchanted fountain to discover your life and relationships are exactly as they should be, or get the kick in the butt to make them better.

The fact is our lives are the sum total of all the choices we’ve ever made up until this point – a combination unique unto ourselves, which means we have created the situation that on some level we’ve wanted or needed in order to learn and grow on this journey called life.

So whatever your state of affairs, take full responsibility for it. The good news is that if you don’t like it,  because you got yourself into it, you totally have the power to get out of it!

A lot of my clients right now are at the point of no return –  where there’s no turning back or delaying the inevitable any longer.  They’ve gotten to a place where the only thing to do is to go through – there is no way round, there is no way back – they need to make a change or take action in a certain direction because at this point there really is no other alternative, whether because of forced external realities or an internal malaise and dissatisfaction that they can no longer withstand.

Why changes haven’t been made up to now is a more complicated and varied topic for another time; often it’s a stronger sense of obligation to others and what they would want or would make them happy that prevents us from moving forward to the beat of our own drum. But contrary to Hollywood plots, we are the ones who have to live in our bodies, so it’s up to us to do what needs to be done. It’s time to go big or go home.

Not fully convinced you don’t have to go all topsy turvy or time-travelly to get it right? Give me a buzz and I’ll be the freaky fictional device that helps you wake up and smell the coffee. You’ll understand and appreciate where you’re at and what changes you can make in order to learn and experience whatever you need to be the best you can be, Right Here, Right Now.

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure ~ Peter Marshall

In case you haven’t noticed, my Personal Growth Gab eblasts which for well over a year have been arriving in your inbox every Tuesday without fail have been a bit erratic as of late.  I have been juggling several balls and doing the best I can, in the time I have, with the resources at my disposal, and frankly for the most part have been kickin’ some butt managing it all.

Sometimes life gets to be too much all at the same time, and something’s gotta give.  Although I currently get no direct monetary compensation for sending these things out, the overwhelmingly positive response I’ve gotten from so many provides a level of satisfaction, joy and sense of obligation for me to consistently give you some food for thought, inspiration and perhaps a chuckle to start your week.

The good news is that these times are always temporary, and the world certainly will not end if I don’t get my blast to you on a Tuesday, or even skip a week without letting you know….but I promise it won’t become a habit!

When I was in Tunisia during Ramadan a few years ago, our guide could not eat or drink the entire day he was educating us about the history and architecture of his country and taking care of all our needs. When I expressed my concern for him working under such conditions, he replied in the calmest, most zen way only a person who is fasting while working 10-12 hours a day in the heat could say “There are no problems, only opportunities.” 

Between the extreme summer temperatures, the public pressure felt from the debt ceiling and other world problems looming, the many decisions and twists of fate that have been thrown my way all while trying to throw a celebration of the last ten years of my life was an exercise in self-worth, focus and discipline. Let’s just say a few of my carbon atoms have definitely transformed into diamonds, or at least crystallized!

I’ve chosen a journey that includes many challenging situations, having to prove myself, my tenacity, putting everything I preach into practice, be able to turn on a dime, process things quickly and ask for help.  I’ve been getting quite the workout that’s for sure and have felt like a ninja warrior most recently, but am so grateful, as I am stronger and better for having gone through it all.

Feeling a little Under Pressure yourself?  Give me a buzz and I can show you how to get through the fire and become a lean, mean, diamond-making machine.  We’ll figure out what the heck and why and what the benefit of all that was – knowing that everything happens in time and on time to keep you going and growing in the direction of becoming the mighty oak that you are!

No man is an island, entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee. ~ John Donne

There’s a place in Hell reserved for women who don’t support other women ~ Madeline Albright

Whether you’re playing in the World Cup Final (or Quidditch Match), negotiating the debt ceiling, or trying to get a promotion, we all rely on, communicate and have to work with others.  Life is a team sport.

One of the reasons why all those TV talent shows are so popular is because at the end of the day, we all want to see each other succeed.  And the voting component means that we have a certain amount of power to help: we believe in them and advocate for their victory.

Yesterday I was honored to be a facilitator at Working Mother Media’s Multicultural Women’s Conference, (hence the delayed eblast…) and the one theme that resonated above all was that one woman’s success should always include another’s – everyone is in a position to help someone else along the way to advance in their career and life.  This takes self awareness, understanding and each of us to do our part.

There is always satisfaction in contributing to someone else’s growth –giving is always of benefit to the giver either directly or indirectly. And hey, you never know where that person’s journey takes them, which could in fact be a place where they could someday advocate for you.  (This of course applies to men, too!)

I created The Women’s Mosaic(R) to provide opportunities for women to connect with themselves each other and the world around them; so that they would  “recognize our unity and celebrate our diversity,” because we all are made of some version of the same stuff. I believe that social transformation is a result of personal transformation, so my work as a coach and inspirational speaker will always encourage you to take care of and be your best self, which will then allow you to most effortlessly serve and work with others to create positive change in all areas of life.

Still thinking WIIFM?   No matter who you are or what you do, you have to depend on others to a achieve a goal on the soccer field, Capitol Hill, or in the board room, so why not make it the most pleasant experience possible for everyone involved? Give me a buzz and I’ll show you how to get from where you are to where you want to go when you try With A Little Help from Your Friends.

We’re having a fundraiser for the 10th Anniversary of The Women’s Mosaic(R), the organization I founded as a result of my search to be who I am and do what I do.  My coaching and speaking has been a natural evolution and growth from TWM, which has informed me in so many ways.  Please celebrate with me on July 26th! 

Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy. ~ Kahlil Gibran 

Years ago while watching Project Runway I was very impressed by the then unknown Christian Siriano, who as a finalist was preparing a collection for Fashion Week in his apartment – an itty bitty shoebox of a place that only had room for his sewing machine and creations.  There was no furniture; he slept in a sleeping bag on the floor of the closet/hallway.  Now a successful and respected designer, because he lived, breathed and loved what he does, Christian surely found a way to Make It Work!

Many of my clients in career transition find that this time is usually accompanied by or is a result of an identity crisis. Either their job has consumed them so much that forgot who they were, or their only sense of self came from the title and salary they received, and now that it’s gone they are a bit lost; or they are not sure how they ended up doing what they were doing in the first place and don’t want to do the same thing going forward.

Therefore, with unemployment at its highest in many years, we are reaching an epidemic proportion of people who are quite disoriented. BUT, the good news is that if you use this opportunity to do some internal work you can really get yourself on the right track to the livelihood that you were meant to have all along.

Much of what I do is help people discover that you are not your job, however, when you discover who you are, your labor is just a natural extension of yourself, of what you do, what you bring to this table of life.  In other words, being employed and doing your work are two different things that may or may not coincide at any particular time.  The most important thing is to constantly allow yourself to evolve and do what you do, regardless of a paycheck or the environment.

For me, the only way I could exist would be to make them coincide; it’s not a path for the faint of heart, as it has, and continues to be, a fascinating, challenging yet thoroughly rewarding journey to do so.  But with all the ups and downs and unknowns, at the end of the day, just about every day, I know I am doing my work and the love of that work fuels every area of my life.  This is the true American dream. 

So this month, why not  Show Me What You Got with the ingenuity of Missy Elliott  and the attitude of Snow White.  Not sure what it is or how to find a way to do the work that makes you feel most alive no matter what?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you create a life that is a pure labor of love!

P.S.  This month we’re throwing a party for the 10th Anniversary of The Women’s Mosaic(R), the organization I founded as a result of my search to be who I am and do what I do.  My coaching and speaking has been a natural evolution and growth from TWM, which has informed me in so many ways.  Please celebrate with me on July 26th!

Independence Day is one of my favorite holidays for a variety of reasons, and not just for the day off, barbeques and fireworks.  America’s birthday holds special place in my heart for the idealism it inspires and the respect and gratitude I have for the wisdom, sacrifice and most of all, courage, that our Founding Fathers displayed that fateful summer of 1776.

As I always mention in my seminars, the root of the word courage is ‘cor’ the Latin word for heart.  This means that anything requiring courage is something that comes from the heart, from a place of deep love, a passion for that which one is pushing oneself to do.

Their profound love for life, liberty and justice laid the foundation for the birth of a nation that promotes the growth of its most precious natural resource; the freedom of its citizens to use our time and energy as we see fit, expressing ourselves and living a life we choose that is without harm to others. Because of the diversity of the 13 colonies, each with their own interests and identities, unfortunately the ideal at the time had to be compromised regarding the institution of slavery in order to gain a unanimous vote for independence from England…but we had to start somewhere, otherwise we might really have been affected by Kate & Will’s nuptials across the pond, or all our TV hosts would be British…oh wait…

Our country is by no means perfect and will continue to have its ups and downs but at the end of the day it’s up to each of us to make it the best we can, so what will your contribution be to this great experiment?   How will you leave your symbolic “John Hancock” on history?

One thing we can all do is make the question Where is the Love? obsolete in our corner of the world.  Each of us can exercise that freedom 24/7 so be sure to consistently unleash your love on that special someone, your work, your friends and family, community, cause, nation, planet, strangers and life itself.

You say you want a Revolution?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you ring the Liberty Bell in your life because we are Free to Be … You and Me.

P.S. If you’d like to read more thoughts on this topic read last year’s Don’t Tread On Me , U.S.A.  and TWM’s Independence Day Blast

My apologies for last week’s eblast omission: technical challenges on the road could not guarantee the quality of posts you’ve come to expect. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, so hopefully you’re happy to see me back this week!

One of my favorite movies, Bottle Shock, is about the then nascent California wine industry’s victory over the French in a blind taste test celebrating the 1976 Bicentennial.  The film is based on the true story of a man who ditched his legal career to pursue a dream of making the best possible wine. Jim Barrett put his life into Chateau Montelena; to do so was a huge risk in which he had to have unwavering faith in himself and trust in the process of such a delicate, complex and time consuming task where the results were not necessarily guaranteed.

As with any such journey, there were many twist and turns and ups and downs along the way, but in the end he triumphed not only in beating the French at their proudest export, but because of it blew the field wide open for quality wine to be produced in countries around the globe, and the world has never been the same.

Orson Welles, in his famous commercials would say, “We will sell no wine before its time.”  It takes time for lasting success to develop, and there is no better activity than viticulture to demonstrate that. There are cycles of planting, pruning, harvesting, fermenting and numerous other magical alchemical things that need to happen for that perfect glass to arrive at your table.  As I always say in my seminars, remember that grapes do not turn into wine overnight!

With last week’s Solstice officially ushering in the summer, we are reminded that to Every Thing There is a Season.  The historic vote to legalize same-sex marriage in NY three days later was decades in the making; several societal changes and generations of progress had to occur in order to have the majority of the population now be ‘ripe’ for its acceptance, and we are all stronger and better for having gone through the process.

Since we are halfway through the year, be sure you are working internally and externally towards whatever goals you set for yourself; know that as long as you consistently do things that you love and care about you are fertilizing your life, making it as rich as possible. Focus your thoughts, words and deeds in the direction you want to be going, knowing that all will come to fruition with a perfect union of patience, persistence and perseverance – in time and on time.

You can’t put the cart before the horse, so if you’re feeling a little frustrated and impatient in pursuit of your passions, give me a buzz and I’ll be a future sommelier  explaining the uniqueness and quality of your vintage or the politician that casts the deciding vote to make your dream a reality!