When traveling by myself in Cape Town, South Africa in 2001, just seven years after the end of apartheid, I had a major aha moment while having tea in the lobby of the historic, old-world luxury Mount Nelson Hotel.

Feeling somewhat awkward in my solo budget travel state, I was in the midst of sipping Earl Grey when something clicked within me on the most profound of levels. It occurred to me that due to the mere fact my skin was white – with the bonus of having blonde hair at the time – I was essentially given free rein to go wherever I desired and do whatever I wanted, and no one would ever question me, look at me strangely, or think I didn’t belong.

Yes, I was in one of the most segregated countries on the planet, but it really struck me that this applied in a broader context – no matter where I go, simply because of the color of my skin, along with being tall and dressing reasonably well, in addition to being educated and American, I enjoy a certain level of trust, respect (well, this was just before 9/11) and service, and almost always inadvertently avoid outright discrimination and bodily harm, even as a woman (which itself is topic for another discussion, since that is only a very recent phenomena and may apply to less places, but I digress…).

Suddenly the phrase “carte blanche,” which literally translates as “white card,” came into my head and I immediately made the connection to the District Six Museum’s display of various ID cards for citizens under that classified system:  White, Coloured, Black, and Indian.  In the United States, and in a global sense, it is an invisible card I carry that gives me entree, ease and yes, a certain unearned privilege, to live a life free of so many stresses, layers of misperceptions, institutionalized prejudice, fear, bias and/or hatred the majority of those of darker shades must endure, and are too often endangered by.

I realize in telling you this story I may sound naive, but you have to know this came at a time to someone who from childhood in theory, and more than ten years prior to that moment in practice, was not only quite aware of, but particularly passionate about, the issue of racial inequality and had many interpersonal experiences, observations and relationships informing a significant understanding of the complexities all that entails – earlier that year I had even started a non-profit organization to dispel stereotypes and bigotry in order to bring women together to “Recognize Our Unity” and “Celebrate Our Diversity”. 

But being in a place where racism had so recently been explicitly acknowledged and addressed in such a direct manner brought this concept home to me in a way that up until that point in my life, because I am White, had only been subtly perceptible, and even then, only because I was sensitive to the issue.

A couple of years later while waiting in the cold for an MTA bus on First Avenue in the East Village I got to experience this overtness in reverse. Two Black women chose to ditch the delayed public transportation, and I watched in disbelief as two, three, five, six open taxis passed by as they tried to hail them; disgusted, I asked if they needed help, and of course the next cab stopped for me but when the driver realized the Black women, not me, were getting in, he drove away.  Finally I asked where they were going; I was so appalled I decided I would just get in and share it with them. Of course the irony was that they were only going to 78th between First and Second, probably one of the whitest blocks in the city…It was perhaps the closest I will come to know what it must feel like to deal with race on a daily basis, simply trying to accomplish the most mundane of tasks.

Fast forward to February 2012. After my talk at the NY Science, Industry and Business Library a young Black man came up to thank me for what I had shared, how it made him think differently about his life, and pointed out to me what he had written down so he could make positive change going forward. He then said he had recently been released from federal prison, would I be willing to work with people like him?  Well, this began a journey in which I learned more specifically about the consequences of race and the criminal justice system, the roots of mass incarceration and the many barriers to re-entry. It has since widened and deepened my understanding of the unhealed wounds, scars and repercussions of our country’s history of slavery.

What we are dealing with in the aftermath of injustice after injustice against people of color are symptoms of a very sick system that is made up of people, and people are crying out for transformation and healing. It is not a Black problem; it is not a White problem. It is a human problem. No matter what card-carrying member of our race you proclaim (or are deemed) to be, we’re all in this man-made mess together – and we will only solve it one story, one interaction, one aha moment at a time.

(Click here for a fancy color version of today’s PGG)

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This has been a challenging year for many, both personally, professionally and beyond; the end of the year seems to be going out with a ‘bang’ as well…so if you, like me and many others I know, find yourself in the midst of getting a good squeeze from the Universe, just keep asking: “What is it that I am supposed to learn from this struggle/pain/stress? How is it that I am meant to grow?”  and trust the answer will come exactly when and as it should.  In the meantime, be sure to have an Attitude of Gratitude! (check out my thoughts on that here).

I am so grateful to all my clients and readers – you allow me to express myself in a deep, fulfilling way and to experience my own personal growth, as we write what we need to read and teach what we need to learn. 🙂 Many thanks to you all and enjoy the holiday weekend! Kristina

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Whenever the fourth Thursday in November rolls around, we are meant to reflect on all the blessings in our lives. Traditionally that would imply appreciating all that is good or positive and bring us joy and happiness or that we could not live without.

While that is certainly warranted, why not also be grateful for the funky, not-so-positive, annoying and pain-in-the-you-know- where stuff as well – the people, things and situations that challenge us, push our buttons or make us feel uncomfortable.

As the saying goes, “There are no problems, only opportunities.” Our crises and difficulties are chances for us to test our mettle, see what we’re made of, and to become stronger and wiser for it. They are occasions for us to make course corrections, adjustments, tune-ups and put ourselves back in balance or on track, or perhaps a different, better track. If things went smoothly all the time you wouldn’t have to dig deep, really look at yourself, search within for answers, or find new creative ways of doing things.  Innovation is problem solving at its most basic level  (just watch those Dyson commercials), so where would we be without all the problems we’ve had?

Whether unemployed, having a health crisis or trouble in your personal or professional relationships, take a step back and see what is the Universe trying to show/teach you?  Remember those carbon atoms wouldn’t become diamonds without extreme high pressure and heat.

So this year, be thankful not only for the bird that you are about to eat (or tofurkey if that is more your style) but for all those ‘turkeys’ in your life – the folks and circumstances that gave you stress and grief but also compelled you to overcome those obstacles and become the person  you are today.

Need a little help seeing how the cr*p in your life is really cool, give me a buzz and we’ll figure out what should be basted and tasted, and what is simply a little fat that needs to be trimmed….  Happy Thanksgiving!

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In the best-selling book Eat, Pray, Love, author Elizabeth Gilbert visits a holy man in Bali who gives her a meditation to smile in every part of her body, “Even in your liver.” This is a great way to activate the feelings of joy within. Just reading that makes you feel a little lighter and more relaxed, doesn’t it?

Well, if that doesn’t do it, then what will? Whatever the thought or image is, make sure you get a daily dose in order to keep yourself young, happy and at peace. Doing so has numerous health benefits and when identified and used properly, is cheaper and better than any diet pill, drug or food out there!

Whether savoring a scoop of gelato, relishing in a job well-done, experiencing a romantic moment, or watching an episode of Glee, recognize and cherish those moments you feel joyful. Try to sustain and bathe in those sensations for as long as you can and be able to recall them when you need them most.

I recently attended a friend’s musical, and for an hour and a half it had me smiling from ear to ear, and from my heart, gut and yes, even my liver. If he had not followed his calling to create, I would not have enjoyed the positive mental, physical and emotional benefits that came along with it.

Everyone has the capacity to bring joy to the world, or at least to someone else. If you don’t believe me or are not quite sure how, gimme a buzz -because my work gives me such joy, it would be my pleasure, literally, to help you figure it out!

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In that famous scene from the movie about Joan Crawford, the renowned actress declares in a rage to her daughter Christina,” No wire hangers – ever!”

Hopefully you did not grow up with that kind of extreme abusive relationship, but it is not so farfetched to think that as an adult you might be treating yourself like Cinderella’s evil stepmother on steroids from time to time, subtly, overtly or subconsciously beating yourself up about the most trivial or significant things. Until we recognize and do something about it, we are often our own harshest critics when we need to be our most compassionate caregivers. 

Do you speak nicely and are kind to yourself, especially in that tape that runs in your head? Do you take care of your body by eating healthy when you’re hungry, dressing appropriately for the weather, getting enough sleep, nursing yourself when sick, exercising, resting and playing on a regular basis? Do you allow yourself to express any emotion you are feeling – anger, sadness, frustration, joy, laughter – in an appropriate and timely manner? (Meaning, don’t walk around emotionally constipated!) And especially if you are a mother of young children, responsible for an aging parent, a teacher, healing professional or assumed the role of ‘official’ caregiver, are you taking care of yourself as much as you take care of others? 

Or perhaps on some level you operate like a neglected ‘orphan’, walking around searching outside yourself, doing anything for that feeling of warmth and nurturing (or a continuation of it if you did have it as a child). The bottom line is that we can’t rely on someone else – spouse, partner, boyfriend/girlfriends, parents- to provide this for us; as mature adults (which has nothing to do with age) we should strive to be emotionally, physically, financially, and intellectually self-sufficient, and most importantly, loving towards ourselves.

Whether or not you had a positive experience with whoever raised you, learn to nurture yourself as if you were your own precious child. When we are able to mother ourselves, it becomes a lot easier to give and receive love and compassion with those closest to us, and even with strangers. It doesn’t matter if you are ill, out of work, frustrated with a relationship or the state of the world – if we each commit to healing ourselves and take responsibility for our own well-being, we will begin to see positive change around us in big and small ways.

And to all the men out there, gender doesn’t matter – we each have a gentle feminine nature within us that we can call upon and develop, just like we also have a macho warrior spirit!

So tonight when you go to bed, tuck in that little girl or boy within you, maybe drink some tea, read a story and tell yourself you are sublimely cherished and grateful for all that you are, because as Lenny Kravitz’s Mama said  “Your life is a gift” and “Love’s all that matters.”

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on March 12,2013)

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We are cursed with the blessing of consciousness and choice, a two-edged sword that both divides us and can help us become whole… The divided life may be endemic, but wholeness is always a choice. ~ Parker Palmer

In her appearance on OWN this past Sunday, spiritual thought leader and author Marianne Williamson, who recently ran for Congress, said the higher purpose of democracy is that all people are “guaranteed the opportunity to self-actualize.”

I was riveted by her comments right at the end of the interview, because she was able to articulate so succinctly my philosophy about and understanding of this country, which I embody in my talks like Who Are You and What Are You Supposed to Be Doing with Your Life and Use Your Freedom to Create the Life of Your Dreams. It is why I have always believed in and loved being American, even if I haven’t always been proud of it.

Regardless of where our nation is in its own personal growth, the US is still a special place that allows us to become the highest and best versions of ourselves, the ease of which is tempered by varying degrees of circumstance, luck and justice.  Not only can we elect our government representatives, but we can elect ourselves to run our own personal life race, and make an infinite amount of choices that allow us to be who we are meant to be due to a more energetic, if not literal, freedom than most, if not any, other country on this planet.

But no matter where you are citizen, we have more of a say in our lives than the outside world of politics, religion, and capitalism would have us (or want us) to believe.  If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that your life at this very moment is a culmination and sum total of every choice you’ve ever made until now.  And depending on whether or not you like where you’re at, that means if you don’t like it or want to make it even better, you can make different choices to result in a different direction.

If we summon the political will to use the power that really is in our hands, we can elect to react to any situation with love or fear, anger or compassion, understanding or hate. We can choose when and where to get involved outside of ourselves and make decisions that bring us either closer to our authentic self and goals, or farther away.  I know where my vote goes!

We cast our internal ballot to either stew in a sea of what ifs, and shoulda coulda wouldas, or instead deal with the reality of what’s in front of us as it stands, taking responsibility and the appropriate action in order to plow forward and create a more favorable outcome.  Try not to have any hanging chads here….

We can choose our thoughts, making sure they are positive and expansive; we can acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves to feel everything – good bad or ugly – so we can govern them once we accept and learn from the awareness they are bringing to our attention. I’ve been campaigning for this for years!

In other words, we have the right to vote with our consciousness and use it accordingly no matter what the circumstance. Make sure you are exercising this fundamental liberty in every area of your life – your work, your relationships, your health, and your community.

Need a little help getting comfortable with your own personal polling place? Give me a buzz, and I’ll keep you honest in towing the party line of YOU, knowing that your victory will benefit a constituency that includes your family, friends, neighbors and perhaps even the world!

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Synergy – the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.~ Mark Twain

I find it curious that the words desperate and disparate sound so similar; and although their meanings are distinct and technically have nothing to do with each other, I think there is a correlation.

A well known strategy used by one group to influence power over another is to ‘divide and conquer’; it keeps people, things, countries, ideas, religions and feeling separate and often opposed to one another. This way they are unable to come together as a unified force and don’t have the strength to accomplish their goals and objectives, which disempowers them. It is an extremely effective tactic, regardless of whether the power desired or deserved outcome on either end is good or bad.

The most obvious place to observe this happening is in the military and political arenas, but there are more subtle ways that this truth can affect us in our everyday lives – within our families, at our jobs, in our neighborhoods, in the media and entertainment we consume, and often, within ourselves.

Lately I’ve noticed a lot of folks are feeling disjointed, fragmented and compartmentalized at best; discombobulated or defeated at worst. Everywhere we turn there seems to be a sledgehammer creating wedges, with myriad of distractions coming at us from all sides: It’s us against them, head against heart, black vs. white, profit vs. people, logic battling intuition, young vs. old; material values vs. spiritual ones, mental vs. emotional health vs. physical health.

As the saying goes, we can’t serve two masters. We must be unified in that which we revere and honor, integrate our disparate parts and connect connect to who we are in order to connect to others for the greater good. Because when we don’t we feel lost and alone, which can lead to feeling desperate. And that is not a place we want to be – because decisions made out of fear and desperation are never the best choices.

So if you’re having a little trouble synthesizing your yin with your yang, make sure you take some quality time with yourself and/or give me a buzz; just like Stevie and Paul’s piano, I’ll help arrange all your internal and external parts in a way that you, too, can live with yourself, and others, in perfect harmony.

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on April 5, 2011)

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It used to be that scary movies only came out around Halloween, and there were just a handful at that.  Nowadays they seem to be released throughout the year in waves and are more creepy, disturbing and bloody than ever.

Besides the usual monster mashes and alien invasions, there are the stories that prey on our defenselessness to natural disasters, biological vulnerabilities and other such forces beyond our control. Then there are the films and shows that simply glamorize and cool-ify violence and revenge as well as people who are clearly negative, like serial killers, drug dealers, vampires, ghosts and witches to name a few.  That last group scares me the most, as they are slowly but surely desensitizing us to characters with qualities we should not want to be chummy or fall in love with.  But I digress…

When it comes to our ‘real’ lives, there are all sorts of metaphoric and literal things that go bump in the night, but the biggest one – and root cause of all the others – is the fear of the unknown. Whether wondering what that noise in the basement is; what havoc a major hurricane, earthquake or terrorist attack will wreak; to being unsure of where your next meal, paycheck or retirement income will come from; or what happens when you have to speak in front of a crowd or after you take your last breath….all the possibilities that can run rampant in your head boils down to one outcome: not knowing what the outcome is.

Most humans, especially Americans, and particularly New Yorkers, like to control everything. And because we are constantly active and living in this 21st century distraction-filled, overstimulated world, the paradox and irony of the antidote to the fear of the unknown is, for many, the biggest fear of all: knowing ourselves.

The best way to deal with any fear and anxiety (no, not grabbing a Xanax) is to be in the present and confront what is right now, not what was or what could be. And to be in the present, you have to be with yourself.

By being in touch and comfortable with who you are and what you know and are capable of, you can take control of your life in a healthy way and come to trust in the process of a Universe that is always conspiring for your good. At the same time you must be vigilant and discerning as to what might be posing an actual threat or leading you astray.The goal is to balance that faith and trust with information, knowledge and understanding by being practical, realistic and prepared without becoming or succumbing to an alarmist, getting caught up in others’ fears or letting your imagination run wild –because it’s almost never as bad as we think it will be.

There is a school of thought that says the opposite of love is fear, which makes sense since the way to overcome fear is with courage, a word whose Latin root means ‘heart’, the muscle we use to express – you got it: love. So whatever it is you are currently afraid of, Put a Little Love in Your Heart, and notice the fear starts to melt away.

Feeling like the Lion in the Land of Oz?  Give me a buzz and I’ll show you what fears are real and imagined, and help you develop the courage to move forward on your own personal yellow brick road. I promise you’ll be stronger, braver and wiser for having made the leap of faith to a new normal where you will wonder, What was I so afraid of in the first place?    

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on August 30, 2011)

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Tell me what’s wrong with having a little faith in what you’re feelin’ in your heart.  – The Dixie Chicks (via Patty Griffin)

I try not to think as much as possible. This serves me well for many reasons. First of all, I am somewhat dyslexic, so the more I stay out of my head, the clearer things are for me. And forget about speaking; whenever I do my seminars what I say has to come from my heart and gut otherwise I would get super-confused and choke from stage fright and the fear of sounding stupid. I  have learned to operate this way more and more; it reduces stress by keeping me connected to myself and in the flow of life, in harmony with who I am and what I need or want at any given moment. It is the best motivational, decision-making and communications tool I possess, because I have harnessed and developed it as such.

In the movie Jerry Maguire, Tom Cruise confronts Cuba Gooding, Jr . about why he hasn’t been offered a ten million dollar contract yet, citing that how he is off the field is how he needed to be on the field. “Right now you play with your head….in your personal life: heart….Play the game Rod, play it from your heart and you know what, I will show you the kwan. That’s the truth, can you handle it?” Jerry knew that if Rod did what he loved with love, then, and only then, would he be able to show him the money.

And that doesn’t just hold true in the movies. Steve Tisch, proud co-owner of the NY Giants declared that the key to their big victory this past weekend was that they ” …played with heart, with passion, with love for each other and for the game of football.” Does that negate, replace or even diminish all the hard work, training, strategy, talent and skill necessary to achieve such great heights? No, of course not. But it’s the thing that will make the difference between a good team and a great team, a good life and a great one.

Most of us are taught to live by our heads, logic and ego, not by our hearts and guts. But only when we listen to our hearts and put love into everything are we our most authentic selves, which means living our truth. And when we are living our truth, we can then more easily speak our truth, and stand in our truth. And that is the best way to guarantee peace and prosperity in our lives, no matter what the circumstances.

Million dollar contract, Lombardi Trophy or not, we are all players the Superbowl Game of Life – so are you playing with your head or your heart?  Give me a buzz and I’ll make sure that unlike Tom Cruise’s confrontation with Jack Nicholson , you can indeed handle the truth and start living in alignment with who you are and what you want to make happen both on the field and off!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on February 7, 2012) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

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Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something, and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.  ~ Marie Curie

Genius is two percent inspiration, 98 percent perspiration. ~ Thomas Alva Edison