When author and self-help/relationship guru Iyanla Vanzant was asked what her prayer is, she answered that she had three. The first one is “Help!” The second one is “Help Now!” And the third one is: “Thank you.”

Yesterday I went to return a bunch of DVD’s to the library and there was a ridiculously long, slow moving line. At the end of a hot and humid workday, when all you want to do is get home and sit in front of the fan or A/C, the patience of many was being tested.  But rather than succumbing to the apparent frustration of the situation, I instead turned to my practice of gratitude to keep me calm, cool and collected.  “Thank goodness the library even exists,” I thought to myself, “thank goodness for all the free movies I’ve watched – many I hadn’t even heard of but because they do not cost me anything I took a chance and discovered a variety of films that I have thoroughly enjoyed and been inspired by.” Suddenly waiting on the line was not such a big deal after all.

As the temperature starts rising, and NYC tempers start rising with it, it’s good to keep that superpower (as I described it to my ninth graders) in your back pocket to use throughout the day, and cultivate an attitude of gratitude as part of your overall M.O. Many studies and notable folks have promoted the benefits and magic that the energy of gratitude unleashes; whether writing a daily list, speaking it to others in your life, or silently acknowledging everything you are thankful for as they arise in and around you, gratitude opens your heart and is the best way to celebrate your life, stay grounded and reduce your stress no matter what.

Yes we all know that Oprah keeps a gratitude journal, but even tough guy media mogul and bison king Ted Turner, in some of his darkest hours in the midst of a huge corporate mess and painful divorce, said that’s what kept him going. Every night before he went to sleep he would think about all the things in life he was grateful for and that helped get him through to another day.

Of course it’s easy to be grateful when things are going your way, got lucky or received an answer to your prayers, but what about in the midst of a difficult situation or for the things we take for granted and hardly even notice anymore?

It’s not always easy when you’re in the moment, but just try breaking out some appreciation when dealing with serious challenges and/or their aftermath (i.e. taking care of a sick/aging parent, being laid off from your job, breaking up with a long time partner, facing a debilitating illness or physical disaster), and focus on whatever good the scenario is allowing you to experience right then and there. Remember to think about other hard times you’ve gone through in the past – in hindsight you were always glad they happened, right?

There are so many ways and moments in which to use gratitude, not the least of which is in our everyday interactions – whether with friends, family, foe or stranger, the common courtesies of “please” and “thank you” go a long way and are indeed deposits in the gratitude account.

And the little things and everyday surroundings we take for granted are not to be overlooked since this truly is the stuff of life: “Thank you for the roof over my head, my functioning brain, my ability to dance and listen to music, all the work I’ve done on myself to get to this point. The fresh air, sunshine and easy access to the ocean as well as to the mountains; the rain that makes the leaves green and the air that those leaves create so I can breathe; for the good friends and people who support me and make me laugh”… you get the idea.

It’s even become automatic now that when I sit down to eat a meal, I briefly pause to silently thank the fact that I have food before me and appreciate the nourishment it gives, the miracle of nature, the variety of options available to me; for all the hard work it took to get it here, for the people at the farmer’s market and grocery store, for the fact that I had the money buy it and my ability to cook, see, smell, taste and digest it, for the pleasure it gives me – it only takes a few seconds to encompass that recognition and all of those thoughts into one acknowledging feeling, because when you really think about it, it truly is a blessing. (P.S. I LOVE food.)

And, as I approach completing my seventh year as a professional coach, I am beyond grateful to all my clients, who trust me with your time, energy, journey and dollars, and allow me the opportunity to do something I truly love that helps you to grow and heal your lives, which in turn has helped me to grow and heal mine.  And for my readers of this blog who allow me to express myself in a creative way that you find beneficial and entertaining:  Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

It’s true that “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” so if you can’t quite see the silver lining in the clouds around you, give me a buzz and I’ll help you taste the rainbow of your life.

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Our founding fathers, mothers, cousins and friends infused our nation with extraordinary concepts of human evolution and the ideals of true freedom, and we have much to thank them for.

Their “greatest social experiment in history” has had its ups and downs, and our culture is in constant motion – good, bad or otherwise – because of it.  Although we no longer exist beneath the thumb of our former rulers across the pond, we all live to some extent under the control of something or someone.

July then is a great time to step back, reflect upon and extricate yourself from whatever that might be – whether technology, bright shiny things, outdated relationships or ways of thinking, food or other substances and the illusion of connectedness and fulfillment that they all give. Find your voice among all the white noise and distractions and replace them with the enlightened, revolutionary spirit this country was founded on: your definition and assertion of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

These times they are a changin’, so in the Spirit of ’76 take this month to also perform your own experiment and declare independence from blind obedience to conventional wisdom that may no longer be conventional or wise.

If you can’t quite see through the rockets’ red glare, give me a buzz and I will show how you do indeed live in the land of the free, and can make your life a home of the brave!

                                                HAPPY  INDEPENDENCE  DAY!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on July 6, 2010)

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Years ago I had a friend going through a major transition trying to figure out what to do next, how to reconcile his past and secure his future; he was doing a lot of soul-searching excavating his talents, skills and passions. While he was in the process of shedding that old skin I suggested he let go of his action-oriented descriptions, telling him, “You need to decide who you want TO BE not what you want TO DO.”

I am always recommending that folks spend time in and learn from Nature because Nature Just IS. When talking about patience and process, my favorite saying is ‘the acorn does not become an oak tree overnight’. Also, remember that an acorn has the inherent DNA to become an oak tree – it doesn’t question it. It just unfolds and grows as it should, but will look and feel different at every stage of the process.

Many of my clients have recently had to confront being with being with people they had bad experiences with in the past or doing things they simply didn’t like or enjoy, two, ten or fifteen years ago. I let them know, however, that like those old clothes in the closet that you’ve outgrown or perhaps bought but never wore, or that simply don’t suit you anymore – who you were then is not who you are now.

I have witnessed the transformations my clients have made.  Because they have done the work I know they will approach, interact with and experience things in a vastly different way going forward, if only to show themselves that they have indeed changed.

So if you’re not quite sure if you’re an elm tree or an oak, or if you’re thinking about doing something you’ve been fearful of in the past, I can be like Christopher Lloyd’s time machine and help you go Back to the Future to dig around, let go of certain things and adjust your outlook to make your present the very best it can be!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on November 2, 2010)

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There’s just me. ~ Jill Scott 

The number one has always garnered a lot of attention – all that talk about the 1%, who came in first place and what or who gets to be number one on which list.

It only takes one person to change the world (for good or bad), and whether conscious of it or not, we all strive to have those blissful moments of becoming one with something or someone outside ourselves; it can happen with your loved one, but also with your dance partner, your paintbrush, your horse,  your golf club, your violin, with Nature and the whole of humanity.

We also need to take care number one, because if you don’t who will? How can you help anyone else if you haven’t first cared for yourself?  And hey, if you’re happy there’s a much greater chance of everyone around you being happy too, just like the pebble thrown in a pond whose ripples go out far beyond…

One doesn’t have to be the Loneliest Number, because at the end of the day you’re the only one you’ve got – no one else can inhabit your body, mind and spirit and experience your challenges and successes. You are ultimately responsible for your joy and fulfillment, how you relate to the world and make the most of what you’ve been given.

We only have One Live to Live, so how can you know and love who you are and what you think, feel and desire if you don’t spend some quality alone time with yourself on a regular basis?

The proverbial saying tells us a journey of a thousand miles begins with one single step, so now is as potent a time as any to finally make some effort, take some action towards a goal or way of being that you want to achieve and/or be open to discover new, unimagined opportunities and vistas that may bring you out of your comfort zone but closer to your best life.

As Bono sings, we’re One, but we’re not the same; we’ve got to carry each other, so give me a buzz and I’ll help you figure out how there’s just One in a Million You, show you what should be Numero Uno in your life right now and move you towards feeling One Love more than ever!

(A version of today’s PGG was originally published on November 8, 2011)

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If a human being dreams a great dream, or dares to love someone, dares to be bigger than the condition into which he or she was born, then so can you… I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me. ~Maya Angelou

And what a human she was!  Dr. Maya Angelou possessed and cultivated a creative and brilliant mind, a powerful and compassionate heart, a flair for the dramatic, a serious sense of humor and a thorough appetite for all aspects of life. She was a phenomenal woman who spent every breath of her 86 years consciously striving to express the fullest embodiment of what it means to exist as a spiritual being in this physical world.

To me, this is her greatest legacy. Like my other six foot tall heroine Eleanor Roosevelt, she walked her talk, and therefore we all benefited. She served as an example for all she stood for and knew to be Universally true; she espoused the unity and dignity of people of every race and creed, recognizing that “we are more alike than we are unalike.”

And she was very aware that she was indeed human, and knew how dangerous it is to make people, like a Martin Luther King, Gandhi, or Mother Teresa larger than life – they were all human beings and when we idolize or put them on a pedestal they become inaccessible and we think we can never be like them. Instead they should inspire us to be extraordinary in our own way.

In our youth obsessed and advertising driven culture, it is unfortunate that we give so little airtime to our elders like Dr. Angelou, Nelson Mandela or Grace Lee Boggs, because when we listen to the wisdom that nearly nine decades of being a person who has chosen to love, forgive, learn and grow, who allowed themselves to reflect, observe and evolve, they teach us how to live. They are lighthouses that remind us who we really are and where we should be going, and these days especially when one is extinguished it feels like an even bigger loss because they are rare gems and we wonder who is coming up the rear to replace them.

In my work I have the honor and privilege of helping you discover that no matter how old you are or where you are from, you have a unique way of leaving our planet a little better off than when you arrived – even if it is simply by virtue of your own healed life.

Some of my clients have already gone on as a result of our meeting to win Tonys and Fulbrights, or are on their way to becoming a media moguls, best-selling authors, cutting edge inventors, or warriors for justice; whether they have an Ivy League background, were formerly incarcerated or are a ninth grade NYC public school student, every one of them has something to offer, an opportunity to improve their own world, a way to be the most human they can be.

Not quite convinced that you, too, can be a giant among us? Give me a buzz and I’ll show you how like those Redwoods of California, you are one of hundreds of special trees that make up a forest of awe-inspiring majesty and beauty, living in harmony with one another and Earth, and the very Nature of Life itself.

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Every January the President of the United States delivers his annual address to Congress and the country, reflecting on the reality of where we are and the direction he plans for us to go over the coming year and beyond. It’s a snapshot of what’s happening at this point and time in our history; it’s a laundry list of the tasks that lie ahead which is meant to be both specific and visionary.

Since we’re about halfway into the year it’s a good time to think about what you want over the next six months, so why not take these warmer days to sit in the park or at the beach with a journal and write a personal State of the Union for your life?

How are your unique gifts, talents and abilities uniting with your work?  If not utilized in your current job, how you do express them in your everyday life?  How are you connecting and uniting with the people around you – be them family, friends, co-workers or strangers?  How is the internal vision of you are and what you want uniting with the reality of your life at this particular moment?

If you could freeze frame your life right now and look at it 10 years from now, what would you think, what would you tweak?  What concrete things do you want to achieve and what is your overall vision for 2014 and beyond?

If you don’t yet have all the answers, a great way to start is by using these questions as a guide, or simply give me a buzz and we’ll explore, evaluate, organize and come up with a plan to lobby for and legislate all that you want to accomplish in your own personal corner of the world.

And when you’re done you can do a little dance to the J.Geils Band catchy hit tune which you will then not be able to get out of your head.

(A version of today’s PGG was originally published on January 25, 2011)

P.S. For those of you who didn’t get the reference to last week’s post You, Me & Dupree, here is the wiki link.  Also, be sure to click on the image in that post for a funny video. 🙂

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If you are like me, my clients, family, friends and the rest of the world, you’ve been through some stuff the past six months (well more like the past two years, oh heck, since the Fall of 2008!) that has tested, stretched, stressed and made you confront some not-so-pleasant realities about your self, your life and the people in it.

This meant lots of changes, whether forced upon you from the outside, i.e. having no choice but to move, getting laid off from your job, dealing with a divorce, break up, or loss of a loved one – or internally, i.e. you were so sick of yourself or your situation that you had to do something, not the least of which was to change your perspective, or finally accept the reality of how things are rather than how you imagined or wished them to be.

The more challenges you have and the more you resist, the worse things get. This has been a time of go with the flow, so whatever you’ve been through, know that it is exactly what you needed to make you stronger and get you to where you need to be next.

A lot of my work is about teaching you to trust yourself, have faith in the process and possess the patience to let life unfold as it should, even with those bumps in the road and unexpected twists and turns along the way. As long as you are intimate, honest and honoring with and of yourself while consistently being in action (which is sometimes non-action), whether internal or external, have confidence that things will shake out the way they are supposed to, in time and on time, in whatever form the Universe deems is best for you.

It all starts with knowing and owning who you are, where you’re at, what you truly want, and realizing you have the power to be the fullest, deepest expression of yourself if only you make it your responsibility and yours alone.  It means we have to grow up.

One of the tools I gave those ninth graders last month (I referred to it as a super power…) was to be grateful whenever things get a little rough. Like those magic words “Open Sesame!,” by simply focusing on something you can be thankful for, all of a sudden the pressure is lifted and a metaphorical door or window opens up to let in a cool breeze, provide an answer to that riddle, or reveal a hidden treasure.

So no matter what you’ve been through recently, make sure you see the gift in the gristle, which is GROWTH.  Give it up with a great big letting go of the past, and exhale heartfelt gratitude for whatever life handed to you, having gotten through it, and embrace all the good you’ve gained and have yet to experience as a result.

Need to survey the lay of the land as the dust settles to sort out who’s who and what’s what? Give me a buzz and I’ll help you thank that unexpected messy house guest who disrupted your home, but in the end left it better off than it was when he got there.

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When Lenny Kravitz came out with his anthem in 1989 the world was at once very different and exactly the same as it is now. The Cold War has been replaced by the War on Terror, the Middle East remains a mess, and there are still far too many people on the planet who live in the midst of hunger, disease and injustice.  Racism and religious bigotry are alive and well, and economies and the environment are in the tank.  Heavy sigh…when will we ever learn?

So what is little ole’ you to do? Well if as the saying goes, ‘peace begins with me’, then the question is, are you at war with yourself or with the people closest to you?

A loving relationship with yourself must come before you can be in one with another, or to even just get along with your family, neighbors or strangers on the subway. We have to take the time and energy to forgive and love ourselves and others. It’s our responsibility to dig deep to see what is going on inside us, understand it and then have the courage to communicate honestly and lovingly first to ourselves, and then to those around us when appropriate.

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe when used intelligently and intentionally; it can move mountains, heal, connect and transform.

What are you waiting for? There is no more important time than now to let love start ruling your world. Love of yourself, love of each other, love of your work, and love of life itself – the very breath and heartbeat that is allowing you to read this email.

Need a little mediation between your head and your heart, what you earn and what you’re worth, your desires and your reality, or you and your significant other? Give me a buzz and I’ll be the peacekeeping force that helps you reconcile all the conflict zones in your life and make love the law of the land!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on September 28, 2010 )

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My first job out of college was teaching Spanish to grades 7-11 at a private school in New Jersey.  I started right before I turned 22.  I left way before I turned 23.

Fast forward many, many moons and this past month I found myself in a high school classroom again, this time in one NYC public school’s 9th grade to talk about social media. 

Don’t ask. Those of you who know me will find this laughable since I am a recovering technophobe who does the bare minimum online only because in my type of work I kinda have to.

It all happened very quickly – I was asked on a Wednesday if I would start the first of six classes the following Monday, and without much thinking said yes, I guess because I trusted the person and wanted to see if I could now handle the critters that gave me so much grief way back when.  Besides, I’ve been speaking/teaching for years, and I remember ninth grade being my favorite at the time, so why not? Social media? Apparently the entire curriculum would be provided, I just had to deliver it. 

HAH!  After the first day, with little to no preparation or training, it was like being thrown into a tank with 40 cranky sharks – what did I get myself into?!?!  I held my own, but nearly quit. Other days it was like wrangling cats. But there were a few days of pure magic.

After surveying the students and finding out they spend nearly 100% of their free time on social media, I realized that a., that’s the first problem.  And b., beyond the general predator and online reputation issues along with their celebrity obsession, when looked at through the lens of cyberbullying and the associated psychological and physical tolls – as in murders and suicides – it quickly occurred to me that having them understand the proper and positive use of social media, texting and the internet could not be a more important and serious assignment – and that it was quite literally a matter of life and death.  In other words, I realized that since they live most of their lives on social media, I was really there to teach them about life.

Ah-ha! Now that made sense, since that is what I do for my day job.  Let’s just say I tweaked the lesson plans I was provided.

It was an eye-opening experience to say the least. I could go on telling you how much I learned about kids, education, their future, our future, the culpability of adults, and the upsetting things I discovered about how they behave, what they think, what they do to each other and how they only care about being famous; how I tried in our short time together to turn some of those things upside down and instill them with completely new empowering ideas and perspectives (yes, the Golden Rule was one of the ‘new’ concepts introduced after you could hear crickets when asked if anyone could tell me what it was), and how I held their attention with my knowledge of Justin Bieber (yes, I saw Never Say Never and was impressed – don’t laugh – relevant how he used YouTube to become famous – but he is/was extremely talented and worked hard even though he’s having some trouble lately…not to mention second highest amount of followers on Twitter etc…..).

I know this is probably the first and only time some of these kids will hear about such things, and I’m pretty sure I reached at least a few who will now think a little differently about their lives and the consequences of their actions, both online and off.  But I know for sure there was at least one who truly got it.

After the third lesson, which was the first on cyberbullying and the aforementioned wrangling cats day, I was caught off-guard when after class a soft spoken but confident kid from the back of the room came up to me, shook my hand and said “Miss, I just wanna let you know I really appreciate you.”  He had me at appreciate!  But then he went on to say how disgusted he was with his classmates, that they weren’t taking this seriously and that he had been listening to a lot of Bob Marley lately and looking for his purpose, how he wanted to be a leader and that today he found his calling.  STOP THE PRESSES.  “Purpose” and “calling” were the exact words he used. I cannot make this up. And you can imagine to someone who does a talk called “Who Are You and What Are You Supposed to Be Doing with Your Life” it was like winning the lottery. 

My work was done, (or as my new friend Karim goes: Boom! While gesturing the dropping of a mic and exiting stage left.) even if no one else got it and they did not listen to the next three lessons!

Junior and I talked about how he might accomplish such a mission, and I asked if he would like to start by talking to the class.  Our final day together he did just that – the first time he ever spoke in front of a room – and an unlikely candidate to do so according to both him and his teachers who say he’s not a great student and he admittedly wasn’t even the best kid, but recently had a change of heart and my class helped to solidify and confirm his new direction.  With no coaching from anyone he spoke for almost 15 minutes about how his peers need to wake up and take life and education ‘fa real’ and do something that helps others. I couldn’t have been more inspired and proud, as I know for anyone, especially at that age, to get up in such an environment and speak his truth was quite remarkable.  It was one of the best days of my life.

I tell you all this because I did not do anything special – all I did was LISTEN TO MY GUT, SHOW UP, BE MYSELF and DO MY THING, which is all you can ever do, regardless of the context.  You never know what the bigger plan is and how affecting just one person can make a huge difference. The Universe knows what it’s doing – and what it had to do to get me in the same room with that 14 year old Black boy was nothing short of a miracle. 

Still not a Belieber? Whether you’re 15 or 51 you’re never too young or too old to take responsibility for your life, discover who you are and be confident enough to share it with the world.  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you offer more than just a #Selfie to have a positive impact in the Twitterverse and beyond.

P.S. Whew! If you’ve gotten to the end of this post – thanks for indulging me! I know it’s a little longer/different than normal but really wanted to share my story since it was a special experience for me.  Thanks again for reading! 🙂  

P.P.S. Remember my post All Roads, Same Place?  This could be an addendum to that one….

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