Synergy – the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously. ~ Mark Twain

I find it curious that the words desperate and disparate sound so similar; and although their meanings are distinct and technically have nothing to do with each other, I think there is a correlation.

A well known strategy used by one group to influence power over another is to ‘divide and conquer’; to keep people, things, countries, ideas, religions, and feelings separate and often opposed to one another.  This way they are unable to come together as a unified force and therefore have strength to accomplish their goals and objectives, which dis-empowers them. Regardless of whether the power desired or deserved outcome on either end is good or bad, it is a tactic that is extremely effective.

The most obvious place to observe this happening is in the military and political arenas, but there are more subtle ways that this truth can affect us in our everyday lives – within our families, at our jobs, in our neighborhoods, in the media and entertainment we consume  and often, within ourselves.

Lately I’ve noticed a lot of folks are feeling disjointed, fragmented and compartmentalized at best; discombobulated or defeated at worst.  Everywhere we turn there seems to be  a sledgehammer creating wedges and a myriad of distractions coming at us from all sides: it’s us against them, head against heart, black vs. white, profit versus purpose, logic battling intuition, young vs. old;  material values vs. spiritual ones, mental vs. emotional health vs. physical health.

As the saying goes, we can’t serve two masters – we must be unified in that which we revere and honor, integrate our disparate parts and connect to who we are, so that we can connect to others for the greater good.  Because when we don’t, we  feel lost and alone, which when not addressed, can lead to feeling desperate. And that is never a good place to be – because decisions made from fear and desperation are never the best choices.

So if you’re having a little trouble synthesizing your yin with your yang, make sure you take some quality time with yourself and/or give me a buzz; just like Stevie and Paul’s piano, I’ll help arrange all your internal and external parts in a way that you, too, can live with yourself, and others, in perfect harmony.

Leadership expert Steven Covey says, “When we listen with the intent to understand others, rather than with the intent to reply, we begin true communication building.”

While sitting in Bryant Park recently, two bright young lads approached me and asked some very personal questions about my thoughts on life.  Although they didn’t come right out and say it, turns out they were missionaries for the Unification Church, otherwise known as the Moonies.

The funny thing is that the very day before I had watched an interview with the creators of the highly acclaimed new musical, Book of Mormon and the topic of missionaries and religion was top of mind, so I was more open than usual to engage with them while soaking up some sun.

Instead of automatically dismissing them, I asked questions about where they were from, what they had experienced since they’d been in NYC and what they hoped to gain while here. I did offer my opinion about how trying to convince people of what to believe was a pretty fruitless endeavor, that each individual is on their own path and needs to come to their own understanding of religion, spirituality etc in their own way, in their own time.

I suggested that they should just do what they love, be the best version of themselves they can be and that in itself would do more than anything else. I hoped that they would savor this experience of traveling and meeting so many different types of people from themselves (one was from Wyoming, the other from Washington State), which would do more to enrich their lives and connection to humanity than actually recruiting others to their belief system.

It was a pleasant and respectful conversation, and I think we each came away feeling it was a positive interaction.  And I did ask about some of the principles and mission of the church, which I did not necessarily disagree with, as I can always find points of connection with just about anyone – because there is a little bit of all of us in each other and a little bit of truth in everything if you listen and look for it, and we have much more in common than we think we do.

With so much anti-Muslim sentiment and political divisiveness these days, on top of a crumbling planet and economy, Brotherly (& Sisterly!) Love, under whatever label you’d like to call it, is the only glue that will hold together a planet currently patched together, to coin a good friend’s term, with ‘bubble gum and rubber bands.’

So if you’re feeling like Humpty Dumpty, Little Bo Peep’s lost sheep or Michael Stipe, give me a buzz and I’ll proselytize you to yourself, converting you into your biggest believer, so you can get out there and make your corner of the world a little brighter for us all!

I woke up Saturday morning and turned on the TV to find out that foreign military action had begun in Libya. What?!? I had missed the quickie UN Resolution that took place on Friday and watched live as the media was scrambling trying to decipher what was going on and all the time I’m thinking, is this really happening, again?

A sinking feeling came over me; yes I was happy that Lindsay Lohan was out of the news, but to be replaced by coverage of another US multilateral intervention!?  Yikes. Spring has most certainly sprung.

One thing we know for sure is that history, unfortunately, often repeats itself. War is rarely simple or justified. We’ve had so many movies and video games laden with violence that as a society we’ve become de-sensitized. What we see on the big screen is now starting to unfold in reality on the small;  even still there has been so much massive tragedy and destruction the last several years, both natural and man-made, it doesn’t even phase us as much as it should. As long as we still have our DWTS, American Idol and Jersey Shore we can numb ourselves and tune out.  When will we ever learn??

Because we’ve been lulled into such a state of complacency and so many are dealing with financial survival, the gravity of what happened this weekend is barely registering our richter scale. But if you can’t comprehend and connect globally, then at least reflect and act locally.

There’s a old song that says “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.” So the question is: Are you at war with yourself? Is your head battling your heart and gut as to the direction it wants to go, or your body struggling with your mind and not doing what you need it to?  Where in your life is history repeating itself? What conflicts are constantly being re-created with different uniforms, labels, scenarios and countries?

As Bob Marley sang, we don’t need No More Trouble, not only with our multi-front wars in the Middle East, but our wars at home on the middle class,  women’s health, Muslims, and homosexuals to name a few. Right now we’re  Rock in the Casbah but at the end of the day All You Need is Love , so start by learning to Love the One You’re With – yourself and those closest to you. Then, and only then, can we start to truly stand united and break the chains of our past.

As Yogi Berra famously said, ‘It ain’t over til it’s over’, so if you’re feeling like you’ve been stuck in a Nick at Nite  M*A*S*H marathon loop, give me a buzz and we’ll pull the plug, launch Operation Open Heart and finish this thing once and for all.

As we watch with heartbreak and compassion the devastating aftermath of the earthquake in Japan, it’s a good time to reflect on (or react to) where that tectonic plate is in your life that needs to be released of its tension? Where do you need to prevent a tsunami or nuclear fallout from occurring (or recover from one that just did)?

We all have areas of life that we tend to neglect more than others and allow things to build up over time. Like Mother Nature’s need to release her pent up pressure through a variety of earth and weather based events, our unbalanced energy has to go somewhere – and when not addressed it gets buried within us as fat or addictions, crushing debt, unhelathy relationships, dead-end jobs, physical or mental illness, or a general malaise, until one day the walls come a tumblin’ down – because if you don’t take care of it, the Universe eventually will.

As the saying goes, we often need to have a breakdown before we can have a breakthrough – it’s just life showing you where change is required.  What emotions have been repressed that need to be released with a good cry or a sweaty workout?  Is your mind about to crack (hopefully not like Charlie Sheen, which on the surface appears entertaining but is no joking matter); is a relationship or career or job search or your finances beyond repair or in need of a big ole tune-up; is your body giving you a hard time?

Change is one thing that is certain in life, and it is most definitely in the air at the moment. Embracing it and going with the flow makes dealing  with change easier and less stressful, so heed the wisdom from a certain ’70’s hit TV show, when Peter was going through puberty and the Brady kids sang ,very groovily I might add, ‘…when it’s time to change, then it’s time to change – don’t fight the tide, come along for the ride.’ It means that ‘…you’ve got to re-arrange who you are into what you’re gonna be.’ (Try getting that song out of your head now…sha na na na na)

Change is always good if we respond to it in the right way: by accepting our state of affairs, our responsibility in its creation, and facing the fears about what actions are necessary to confront it –  all the while knowing that we will be better, stronger, and wiser for having done so. And, we need to deal with the reality of the situation as it is, not as we would like it to be.

Not sure where the seismic activity or cresting river is in your life?  You can always use the force like Luke Skywalker or Jamiroquai, or give me a buzz and I’ll read the warning signs and provide rescue, relief and/or recovery to help you avoid a full-on meltdown and instead enjoy the ride!

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Today is the 100 year anniversary of International Women’s Day so in honor of this occasion I’d like to give a special shout-out to all the men out there and encourage you to celebrate all the ways in which women make your lives better (i.e.check out my post from last week), acknowledge what you can learn from us, and inspire you to get in touch with your feminine side with unabashed pride.

Dan Abrams just came out with a book called Man Down, a tome that provides extensive research proving how women are pretty much better at everything than men. Whether you believed that or not already, the key here is to remember that we are not in a Battle of the Sexes, but more that everyone, regardless of which gender you are identified or associate with, needs to demonstrate the best characteristics of both worlds.

But the reality is that most men have a problem expressing emotion, long considered a girly trait. The amazing irony is that as I am literally in the midst of writing this post (which has been planned for more than a day) I flip the channel to see the end of Charlie Rose interviewing David Brooks about his new book The Social Animal. Charlie, who is clearly an exception to this rule, admits how important it is for people to have the “power to express yourself and have emotional intelligence.” David comments how he, and most men, struggle with this and how he admires Bruce Springsteen as someone who is a ‘manly working class guy who can be emotional in a respectable way.’  (Thanks fellas for validating my post right as I type it!)

Most men will never know What It Feels Like For a Girl, so since this year the day also falls on Mardi Gras, what better excuse is there than to ‘dress’ in drag metaphorically and try your woman-like alter ego on for size.  I don’t mean like a full-on Tootsie or Ms. Doubtfire, but more like the guys in I Love You, Man or The Boss in all his glory; allow yourself to be just a little more sensitive, intuitive, creative, and expressive of what it is you’re feeling.

Whether your birth announcement was pink or blue, we all need to balance our Mickey with our Minnie, so give me a buzz and I’ll give you an opportunity and show you the way to make the most of all of who you are, without having to shave your legs, put on a fake moustache or become like SNL’s Pat

Besides coming in like a lion and out like a lamb, March brings with it a month long celebration of women’s history and accomplishments.  2011 is both an exciting and confusing time for women, as we’ve come very far in many ways (Hillary Clinton, Justices Sotomayor & Kagan), and not so far in others (Real Housewives, Kardashians and the recent attack on Planned Parenthood).

In the US, girls and young women have advanced incredibly and are doing well, if not better, educationally than their male counterparts and make up more than half the workforce. Many women today take for granted the struggle that so many of our predecessors endured until now, and enjoy the fruits of their labor. Or do we?

According to the panelists at  Building a Pipeline to Women’s Leadership, although we have had victory in terms of legislating equal rights and the institution of policies and procedures at corporations and governments that uphold them, the day to day reality is another story.

We tell our girls and young women that the sky is the limit, that they have the freedom to pursue their dreams, but women often hit a brick wall when it comes to the top. With an average of less than 15% of the top leadership positions across all sectors, a glass ceiling continues to still exists, and for a variety of reasons, mostly that those already in those positions are too threatened or unsure of how inclusion will positively impact the bottom line, and that the demands of such jobs can’t accommodate all the demands put on women as primary caretakers.  A transformational cultural change is what needs to take place.

The good news is that wall is being taken down slowly bit by bit, old replacing new; another type of Changing of the Guard initiated by women requiring more work/life balance, and now almost demanded from the bottom up, as the millennials and great talent expect to have a certain amount of flexibility and freedom as part of the status quo and will seek it elsewhere if not found.

More and more studies are showing that as the world adapts to and honors the needs of women, everyone will benefit. This approach, combined with the various types of technology now at our disposal, is truly revolutionizing the way in which we work regardless of our gender.

So how to navigate your career in the midst of such change with the economy as precarious and unpredictable at best?  We can’t possibly imagine what jobs will look like in 2, 4 or 10 years (remember just 5 years ago we barely had smartphones, wi-fi, facebook and twitter!)  The only thing to do is to get in touch with and know what it is you offer and be the best at it, continually growing and evolving into the fullest version of yourself.

As I tell my clients and attendees, new opportunities, scenarios, companies and functions are sprouting up daily, so trust that the right opening will find you or you will recognize it when you see it. In the meantime, stay true to who you are, be the exception to every rule until it becomes the norm, and know that at the end of the day, it really is about a journey that we will someday be able to tell both our daughters and our sons what a long way we indeed have come.

P.S. I know this was a bit longer than usual, I’ll go back to my shorter, snappier version next week!

While walking down the street after a bizarre week of odd ‘coincidences’ and uncanny timings, I happened to look up and notice the announcement board of a synagogue with this quote by feminist/activist/author Robin Morgan, “Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible.”

One definition of the word absurd is “inconsistent with reason or logic or common sense,” which means that any decisions or actions deemed as such perhaps come from a place that we can’t always understand, but know is from somewhere deep within us.

The presidents whose holiday we celebrated yesterday had a bit of that going on…George Washington’s advisors seriously questioned his determination to cross the frozen Delaware, and he intuitively knew how to present himself as a leader for this new country; Abraham Lincoln’s life is filled with examples of how he went against conventional wisdom and popular opinion.  Both men defied the odds by listening to their own conscience, inner voice and moral compass, and because of that became the great men we honor today.

Part of maturing is learning how to trust your own gut despite any outside influences.  While it can be  helpful to get advice, when we are honest with ourselves, we are usually our own best counsel. Others might not know who we really are or may not have our best interests at heart. And I’m sure we can all remember times when we’ve dealt with the consequences of not heeding the wisdom of our gut.

My guess is that Adam Sandler trusts his intuition as to what is funny or not regardless of what the Hollywood suits might say, and from his start back in the SNL days, he expressed a unique kind of silly humor that had yet to be considered commercially viable.  Well, we all know how that turned out!

When I meet with clients, often I am simply validating and confirming what they already know themselves but were too embarrassed, in denial, doubtful or repressed about to pursue or even admit.  If when a complete stranger in less than two hours, without you specifically divulging it, tells you that the ‘crazy’ idea you have, that thing you always wanted to do, the life that you always dreamed of, is exactly the direction you should be going in based on the dots I’ve connected, just go with it – it’s the green light you’ve been waiting for to produce that smash box office hit starring none other than YOU!

It always seems a little off to me that Valentine’s Day takes place in the astrological sign of liberty-loving, independent, eccentric Aquarius, characteristics which are more suited to a people’s revolution or Grammy Red Carpet.  With all that kind of energy in the air lately,  freedom looks as good on Egyptians as it does on Lady Gaga.

Right now we’re in the midst of Fashion Week in NYC.  To many people it is a seemingly frivolous and fun affair, but the reality is that as long as there are options in what is acceptable for us to wear, there exists freedom in other areas – think of Mao suits and corsets, burkas and beards. Every since we decided to not walk around in our birthday suits, if we’re lucky, we can have varying degrees of expression in how we cover our naked bodies.

It’s been twenty years since George Michael’s classic video, when we knew the models names, they had meat on their bones and the artist was nowhere in sight, wanting to liberate himself from the bubble gum image of his Wham! days. Today it’s the designers who are more the rock stars, and perhaps appropriately so.

Devil Wears Prada masterminding and Fashion Police citations aside, the fashion industry is its own version of freedom fighters, providing us with the garments we need to protect and express who we are, which in turn fuels an environment to pursue work we are passionate about, breeds a culture that is inclusive, gives us permission to love whoever we want, and most of all enables us the freedom to be ourselves.

Pop stars and celebrities can take this to the extreme, as it requires a more courageous soul to carry off a Cee-lo or Nikki Minaj ensemble, but the more they push the boundaries of self-expression, the more they give us all permission to do so. Not sure if your style is more Bieber or Beyonce, Rock n’ Roll or Rihanna?  Give me a buzz and we’ll uncover and unleash an inner you reflected in an outer style that makes the most of who you are, inside and out!

When I was in sixth grade, my elementary school presented the Norma Gold Human Relations Award to three students out of our class of about 100.  To my shock, my name was called and to this day it’s one of my proudest achievements – mostly because I had absolutely no idea the award existed or that I had done anything special that warranted attention.  I was just very involved and always gave my all to whatever I did; at that age I unconsciously expressed the best version of who I was and got recognized for it.

I am not a competitive person and although athletic, in fact never wanted to play school sports for that very reason. But sometimes we need to have that extra bit of eyes on the prize attitude to take us to the next level. In the movie Remember the Titans, a racially integrated football team came together to be undefeated champs in their division, a victory that was symbolic of so much more in a newly de-segregated south.  Denzel Washington, playing Coach Boone prior to the final game declared, “I’m a winner. I’m going to win”

Every field has its pinnacle of achievement and recognition so why not set your sights on one?   In the midst of this season with the Grammy’s and Academy Awards on their way, it’s a good time to think about what is the equivalent of the Superbowl, Olympic Medal, Emmy or Tony in your life; your version of the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize? And if there is none, what would your criteria be and what would you call it?  Define for yourself in every area of life what is your standard of excellence that makes you a champion.Set that goal for yourself in 2011 or your bucket list – whether you ever attain it or not, raising the bar for yourself can only make you better in every way.

The next step is to believe that you are worthy of the accomplishment.  When Tango Diva held a contest for their 2007 Diva Visionary Award, at the last minute I decided to nominate myself. I then found out after the fact that -gulp- I would have to ask people to vote for me in addition to being judged….the whole process made me incredibly uncomfortable, but I realized at some point I had to decide that I wanted to win – and that decision took but a minute.I figured I deserved it as much as anyone else and had to just go for it.  And lo and behold, I WON!

Sometimes you have to seek the recognition (remember producers run Oscar campaigns), make the commitment to it and push until you win, and sometimes it’s a surprise that just falls in your lap.  Regardless of how it comes, neither would occur without the intention of doing and being our best. And, as you prove yourself and are honored along the way, remember that once you win it, you must own it.

Don’t think you have any horn to toot or mirror ball trophy to win? Everyone has some area they excel in, so give me a buzz and I’ll help promote your hidden superstar and find an arena for your MVP to shine!

Congress ushered in a new Speaker of the House, Queen Elizabeth is thinking about abdicating so that Prince William may actually get a shot at being King; Tunisia did, and now Egypt is on the brink of overthrowing their longtime leaders; American television staples Larry King, Regis Philbin and ET’s Mary Hart, whose careers took off around the same time as Hosni Mubarak came into power, are all retiring as well. What is the world coming to?!

Change is certainly in the air and tomorrow is the Lunar New Year, so it’s another good time to start fresh for the next twelve months. What are you ferociously guarding in your life- and is it worthy of protecting, or are you just doing so because it’s been that way for the past 30 years? What people, ideas, jobs, things, ways of thinking might you be holding on to that are old, stagnant, outdated, served their purpose, overstayed their welcome or just need to step down so that something better and fresher can take their place?

What about that old persona you’ve been wearing?  We’re usually our own worst enemies, so maybe it’s time to take a look at the dictator who rules our lives – benevolent or not – and see how we might be restricting ourselves or abusing our power; where we’ve gotten into a rut, how we might have outgrown our ‘schtick’, or perhaps need a new audience to reflect back to us different facets of who we are.

Often things are so ingrained in us we can’t easily recognize them ourselves, so we need some deep reflection and outside perspective. After participating in a Visioning Workshop and then working with me the following four months, a client has completely turned her perspective around, resurrected the true essence of who she is, embraced her new direction, and in turn literally looks like a different person and ten years younger!

Need a little help toppling your own personal outdated regime? Give me a buzz and I’ll help all the repressed parts or yourself rise up to have more say in governing your world, or at least get higher ratings.