It’s that time of year when the President of the United States delivers his annual address to Congress and the country, reflecting on the reality of where we are now and the direction he plans for us to go over the coming year and beyond.  It’s a snapshot of what’s happening at this point and time in our history; it’s a laundry list of the tasks that lie ahead which is meant to be both specific and visionary.

Since we’re only 25 days into the new year it’s still a good time to think about what you want in the coming 340, so why not take these chilly days to snuggle up with a journal and write a personal state of the union for your life? How are your unique gifts, talents and abilities uniting with your work?  If not utilized in your current job, how you do express them in your everyday life?

How are you connecting and uniting with the people around you – be them family, friends, co-workers or strangers?  How is the internal vision of you are and what you want uniting with the reality of your life at this particular moment? If you could freeze frame your life right now and look at it 10 years from now, what would you think, what would you tweak?  What concrete things do you want to achieve and what is your overall vision for 2011 and beyond?

If you don’t yet have all the answers, a great way to start is by using these questions as a guide, attend the upcoming Visioning Workshop on Feb 5th, or simply give me a buzz and we’ll explore, evaluate, organize and come up with a plan to lobby for and legislate all that you want to accomplish in your own personal corner of the world.  And when you’re done you can do a little dance to the J.Geils Band catchy hit tune which you will then not be able to get out of your head.

“Life’s most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?”  Martin Luther King, Jr.

One of the most common desires I hear from clients when embarking on a new career or making a transition is that they want to be doing something with meaning, something that helps people.

My approach is to ask them,  “What is the thing that makes you, you? What you are passionate about; when do you lose track of time?” I inquire as to what their fantasy job would be, and very rarely does that answer have to do with becoming a social worker or joining the Peace Corps.

You don’t have to become the next Mother Teresa, Gandhi or MLK to make a difference and live your life in service to others. Perhaps that may be your path, but as Dr. King also said, “Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve.” Running for public office or volunteering on a regular basis can certainly fill that role, but service can be expressed in a myriad of forms that aren’t always so obvious or grandiose. Just being yourself and doing your best at YOU allows us to benefit from whatever unique gifts and talents you possess.

When one’s work is done with love and integrity, every job is one of service. MLK day is also about celebrating diversity, which can refer to many things including occupation.  We all have jobs that make the world go round. Whether it’s the super taking care of your building, the bus driver making sure you get to your destination safely, the guy who makes your coffee and bagel every morning, the janitor that cleans the public restrooms you use, the designer of the clothes you are wearing, the comedian that made you laugh last night, the singer whose song you enjoyed on your Ipod, writer whose novel you devoured over the weekend – no occupation is too insignificant, as long as it is done to the best of one’s ability, you can see how any of those people have served you on some level.

And regardless of your job, there is also the service you can provide by smiling at someone when you’re walking down the street, or showing a kindness to a stranger, and notice how for moment you made someone happy or uplifted them in some way.

The thing that I enjoy most and lose track of time doing is talking to folks about their life’s work and helping them make their everyday existence as meaningful and peaceful as possible. I would love the opportunity to help you connect the dots of your life, create more work/life balance and recognize the value in whatever you do,  so just give me a buzz as I am always here, at your service!

Some days you wake up and your computer decides to not work.  A snow storm hits and your flight is canceled or the sanitation department neglects to plow your street. Your internet goes down for three days. There are millions of things each day that are literally out of our control.

A good way to handle situations like these is to know that something positive will come as a result – the saying ‘there are no problems, only opportunities’ is a good mantra to lean on. Being snowed in allows us to catch up on sleep, spend more time with ourselves and/or our family and clean our apartment; having to live unplugged and actually pick up the phone can be refreshing, or the hard drive being replaced solves other mysterious problems the computer was having!

Our goal is to use our time and energy in ways that suit us best when we have the freedom and choice to do so. And when we don’t have that option, it’s about making the best of it because the things we do have control over are our reactions, thoughts, words and deeds in whatever situation we find ourselves in that may or may not be to our liking. Unfortunately in extreme cases where people don’t or are unable to control them, other influences can easily penetrate, and in a worst case scenario can lead to devastating effects like we recently saw in Tucson, the lessons of which we have yet to fully understand.

Over the break I read a book about Nelson Mandela who spent 27 years in prison, and whose tiny cell I saw with my own eyes when I visited Robben Island.  Talk about having a controlled and measured response! Being incarcerated as a famous political prisoner, he could not change his circumstances, but could decide how he maneuvered within them. By doing so he sharpened his character, perceptions and strategy so that when he was freed and went on to govern and unite the country, he was more than prepared to do so, and did it in a spirit of reconciliation and forgiveness to boot!

One way to take control of your life is by asking for help. Because we live in our heads so much, having an unbiased, supportive person to talk to about where you’re at can give you a fresh perspective and new ideas so that you can respond more effectively to whatever’s happening around you – and it signals to the Universe that you are ready to make changes for the better so it can do its part, too.  Id’ love to be that person, but if not you can always get a hit song like Janet Jackson did back in the day and rock it out…

I recently read that “a person’s success in life can usually be measured by the amount of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.” Most people begin a new exercise or other routine in the New Year which can have you feeling sore or out of sorts, and doing this with our patterns of interaction and communication can reap rewards as well.  Like any muscle, growth happens outside of your comfort zone.

Maybe that conversation needs to be with your boss, that contact for your dream gig, your partner, a parent, your neighbor, that cute guy/girl you’ve been eyeing, that celebrity you’d love to talk with, or just putting yourself in a foreign social situation.   But it’s also that honest conversation you need to have with yourself in order to face the reality about your life as it is versus how you’d like it to be; because the one common denominator in your life is YOU, and taking responsibility for why it is the way it is is paramount, if not always pleasant.

The good news is that if you do have a chat with yourself on a regular basis then you can know what changes you need to make to get your life closer to your ideal!

Not quite feeling it?  I say ‘fake it till you make it.’ I’ve also quoted Einstein’s definition in a past post that ‘insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results’ so if things aren’t going your way, why not try a slightly different approach from your usual m.o.? Or you can go whole hog and be like  George Costanza in the Seinfeld episode where he does the exact opposite of what he would normally do, to some hilarious effects and success!

So this year resolve to have those challenging conversations, care less about what people think, try new things without worrying if you’ll look foolish, stand out in a crowd, and be okay with not being perfect. (well, those were some of mine…just insert whatever makes you uncomfortable)

Wondering how to get from here to there? Give me a buzz and I’ll be your personal trainer to stretch those inner muscles, help you have that heart to heart with yourself and make your discomfort as comfortable as possible along the way!

Click here for my 2011 New Year’s Coaching Kick-off!

Hope you are enjoying the holidays! As mentioned last week, I thought I’d offer a look back at some Personal Growth Gab fan favorites from 2010:

Girl Power

Polar Shift

Lost?

Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle

Write or Die

Labor Pains

Leap of Faith

It’s been quite a year, so don’t forget to take some time to review all that you’ve accomplished and learned internally and externally throughout the past twelve months, and think about what you’d like to do in the next twelve!

If you’d like some one-on-one guidance and support going forward, I’d love to meet with you next week during my
2011 New Year’s Coaching Kick-off!

Wishing you a Happy Healthy & Prosperous New Year!

Last night we experienced a rare occurrence of the Winter Solstice and a Total Lunar Eclipse overlapping; this means the shortest day of the year combined with the cover-up of a full moon gave us a double dose of darkness. Although there is some debate and lots of myths about what effects these sorts of things have on people, after the year and especially past couple of months we’ve had, my interpretation is that “It’s always darkest before dawn.”

The good news is from now on the days will be getting progressively longer and bright. It’s important at this time of year to get all the literal sunlight in you can – think of the rays as vitamins for your mind, body, spirit and soul, a lack of which can  alter our moods as anyone with SAD will attest.  In addition to the actual light, it’s also a good idea to keep things as ‘light’ as possible – do a little dancing (even if just around the house) or Zumba and laugh a lot.  At the very least you will make others smile when they see you sunbathing in 29 degree weather!

As we approach the end of 2010, it’s also a good time to shed some light on what you’ve accomplished this past year. Many of my clients are in career transition, so it’s easy for it to seem like nothing has happened or if you are just going about your business from day to day, to lose track of what has actually transpired over the past 12 months.

So make sure you take at least a couple of hours with your journal and calendar to jog your memory to see what external things you experienced and accomplished this year, big or small. Then let them help you recall how you have grown and what has changed internally for you as well. What mental, emotional shifts have occurred, in terms of your perceptions of yourself, your life, your work, your relationships, and how has that impacted some of the external actions you took or that happened to you?

Having a little trouble seeing the proof in the pudding of how far you’ve come along? I can be a flood light, offer an objective point of view and a little push for you to see where you’ve been and where you want to go in 2011 and beyond. Just give me a buzz, meet with me during my ‘office hours’ and/or attend my upcoming workshop on January 22nd and I’ll light the way to a more peaceful and prosperous new you!

P.S.This is my last Personal Growth Gab original post of the year – who knew that I would be disciplined enough to write every week (50 out of 52 weeks!) – and that people would actually read them?!  It’s one of my best accomplishments of 2010.  I’ll be off for the holidays but tomorrow you will get an email with upcoming opportunities to start the New Year off on the right foot,  and next week will send you links to some favorite posts based on feedback I’ve received over the past year.

As a career/life coach I have a unique vantage point to observe all types of people and notice certain trends and patterns that emerge. In addition to my clients, there is my circle of friends and family as well as my own personal experience, since I, too, am not immune to it all!

Lately the theme has been that of warrior being challenged in one or more areas of life, confronting unpleasant people or situations, dealing with loss, or relentlessly fighting a seemingly uphill battle at every turn. If you’ve been feeling tested (or testy) in the areas of relationships (all kinds), work (too much or not enough of it), finances (‘nough said), or having a health or identity crisis – essentially, the stuff of life – raise your hand and know that you are not the only one that’s been beaten up these past couple months.

As difficult as it may be, the key is to acknowledge and recognize through all the discomfort/frustration/stress where growth has occurred, understanding has transpired, and wisdom will eventually come. Don’t spend too much time figuring out why things have been going the way they are – instead save your energy for ‘what can I do and learn as a result of what I’ve been through and how can I incorporate these new found strengths moving forward’?

‘Misery loves company’ is a phrase we’ve all heard. It’s not a concept that I would normally promote, but in these times of technological isolation and the era of social media’s “Look at my fabulous life” updates and photos, there is comfort in knowing we’re not the only one struggling and that it’s okay to share the truth of how we’re really doing.

The trick is not to have a pity party but to find community and provide mutual support; to take a collective heavy sigh and deep breath and have a good laugh about it knowing that we’re all in a similar boat and do what we can to make things better.  At end of the day, we are human and can offer one another a hug and a smile to get us through the hard times, which are always temporary.

But if you want to dig a little deeper and sort out the who, what, why, when, where and how of what’s been going on, give me a buzz and I’ll help you see the lesson in the lickin’ and the light at the end of the tunnel.

This time of year with its emphasis on excessive merry-making and gift-giving combined with cold weather, shorter days and a challenging economy (with a Mercury retrograde thrown in this year, too!) would cause even the jolliest of Santas to pack their sack and head back to the North Pole to hibernate just like their grizzly neighbors so wisely do.

All our focus is on parties and socializing, yet our natural tendency is to go inward for the winter; we are pulled to do all of these external things in a very short amount of time when we should be winding down and checking in with ourselves and preparing for the new year to come…and therefore find ourselves off balance in a big way.  It’s no wonder anxiety and stress levels are skyrocketing and everyone is just doing their best not to crack under the pressure of the ho ho ho!

So how to make it through the holidaze in tact?  We need to be extra-mindful, stay centered and connected to ourselves and not go to extremes or make any major decisions. Have an extra dose of patience with yourself and others, take deep breaths, laugh it off, do lots of yoga, tai-chi and meditation, use Rescue Remedy, have a massage,  make soup, get some fresh air, spend quality time with good friends, cuddle with your loved ones, and most of all be kind and gentle to yourself.

Another idea is to give yourself the gift of having a session with someone who can offer an unbiased positive perspective with adjustments and solutions that will put you back on track and in balance wherever you need it.  I’d love to be able to help and get whatever is going on in your head out of it so that you can enjoy a truly peaceful and joyous  holiday season!

One of my favorite artists from back in the day, Howard Jones, once sang  “The old man said to me, don’t always take life so seriously….Try and enjoy the here and now, the future will take care of itself somehow.” And happily cautions in the chorus, “Don’t try to life your life in one day, don’t go speed your time away.”

Over the long weekend I came into a newfound appreciation for the wisdom of his pop songs beyond what the catchy tunes, a cute face and big orange eighties mohawk hairdo did for me back then.

Fashion and music always comes around again in slightly different forms. Nowadays with this economy everyone is cutting back and having to scale down and tap into whatever material and personal resources they have.  It’s a good time to reflect on what facets within you can be recycled and refurbished.  What things about yourself, someone else or situation can you look at and see with new eyes, appreciate and/or put to use in a totally different way? What blasts from your past – whether a song, piece of clothing, relationship or talent in yourself can you relish in now but in a more profound way?

Not sure what gems you might have forgotten about that can be dug up and polished off for your greater good? Give me a buzz and I’ll help you do some excavating to resurrect those parts of your life that have been dormant far too long and show you by doing so that indeed, “Things can only get better”!

Whenever the fourth Thursday in November rolls around, we are meant to reflect on all the blessings in our lives. Traditionally that would imply appreciating all that is good or positive and bring us joy and happiness or that we could not live without. While that is certainly warranted, why not also be grateful for the funky, not-so-positive, annoying and pain-in-the-you-know- where stuff as well: the people, things and situations that challenge us, push our buttons or make us feel uncomfortable.

There is a saying that “There are no problems, only opportunities.” Our crises and difficulties are chances for us to test our mettle, see what we’re made of, and to become stronger and wiser for it. They are occasions for us to make course corrections, adjustments, tune-ups and put ourselves back in balance or on track, or perhaps a different, better track. If things went great all the time you wouldn’t have to dig deep, really look at yourself, search within for answers, find new creative ways of doing things.  Innovation is problem solving at its most basic level  (just watch those Dyson commercials), so where would we be without all the problems we’ve had?

Whether unemployed, having a health crisis or trouble in your personal or professional relationships, take a step back and see what is the Universe trying to show/teach you?  Remember those carbon atoms wouldn’t become diamonds without  extreme high pressure and heat.

So this year, be thankful not only for the bird that you are about to eat (or tofurkey if that is more your style) but for all those ‘turkeys’ in your life: those folks and circumstances that have given you stress and grief but allowed you to go through and overcome whatever you needed to in order to grow and become the person that you are today.  And if you need a little help seeing how the cr*p in your life is really cool, give me a buzz and we’ll figure  out what should be basted and tasted, and what is simply a little fat that needs to be trimmed.  Happy Thanksgiving!