Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival . ~ C.S. Lewis

Despite what Simon & Garfunkel once sang, we are neither rocks, nor islands, as many of us (especially those drawn to live in the metropolis that is New York!) might want to be. The irony of course is that the very nature of being human means we are part of a greater whole and must interact with other human beings on many levels. Yet a sense of connection and belonging doesn’t always come from the family, tribe or culture we are born into so we must create that connection authentically, first within ourselves and then with others.

Relationships are one of the most difficult areas for us homo sapiens to navigate, and they are the biggest source of our pleasure as well as our pain.  The past three years or so we have had an advanced course in them; I for one can say as difficult as it’s been, have learned some new and deeper versions of lessons I know will serve me well in the future, all of which culminated in a super-summer intensive, with this harvest season reaping the wisdom culled from that journey.

Some of those nuggets include: finding the balance between losing ourselves/being co-dependent versus isolating and becoming a monk (or a psychopath); having boundaries and not taking on/feeling responsible for another’s emotional or other type of well-being; nurturing yourself, no one can know exactly what you need but you; seeing people and relationships as they really are, not how you’d like them to be. And regarding those close/intimate relationships that are more difficult or challenging, keep in mind that that person – whether parent, boss, spouse, sibling, lover, friend, child – is just the actor playing a role in a scenario you have created in order to heal and grow.

Lastly, the people you choose to allow into your life – friends/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner- should meet certain criteria. The word ‘friend’ especially has been so diluted and watered down with the use of Facebook and social media you need to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff and discern the Apples and Oranges.

The foundation of a relationship with anyone deserving of your time and energy must include understanding, appreciation and respect. You should be able to check off at least two of these to be considered a friend, and if you are fortunate to have someone in your life who truly understands, appreciates and respects you, then you are very, very lucky and should treasure and honor that relationship for the special gem that it is.

The bottom line is, You Gotta Have Friends, and making time for friendships and your most important relationships is not a luxury but a necessity. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to -day busyness of life, but we need to discipline ourselves to create space for connecting with the people who love and accept us, who know and understand us, with whom we share interests and history, and have grown together, not apart.

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on October 2, 2012)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON

While walking down the street after a bizarre week of odd ‘coincidences’ and uncanny timings, I happened to look up and notice the announcement board of a synagogue with this quote by feminist/activist/author Robin Morgan, “Only she who attempts the absurd can achieve the impossible.”

One definition of the word absurd is “inconsistent with reason or logic or common sense,” which means that any decisions or actions deemed as such perhaps come from a place that we can’t always understand, but know is from somewhere deep within us.

The presidents whose holiday we just celebrated had a bit of that going on: George Washington’s advisers seriously questioned his determination to cross the frozen Delaware, and he intuitively knew how to present himself as a leader for this new country; Abraham Lincoln’s life is full of examples of how he went against conventional wisdom and popular opinion.  Both men defied the odds by listening to their own conscience, inner voice and moral compass, and because of that became the great men we honor now..

Part of maturing is learning how to trust your own gut despite outside influences.  While advice can be helpful, when we are honest with ourselves, we are usually our own best counsel. Others might not know who we really are or may not have our best interests at heart. And I’m sure we can all remember times when we’ve dealt with the consequences of not heeding the wisdom of our gut…

My guess is that Adam Sandler trusts his intuition as to what is funny or not regardless of what the Hollywood suits might say, and from his start back in the SNL days, he expressed a unique kind of silly humor that had yet to be considered commercially viable.  Well, we all know how that turned out!

When I meet with clients, often I am simply validating and confirming what they already know but were too embarrassed, in denial, doubtful or repressed to pursue or even admit.  If when a complete stranger is able to tell you that the “crazy” idea you have, that thing you’ve always wanted to do, the life that you always dreamed of, is exactly the direction you should be going in – based on the dots I’ve connected in less than two hours and without you specifically divulging what it was –  then just go with it! It’s the green light you’ve been waiting for to produce that smash box-office hit starring none other than YOU!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on February 22, 2011)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON

We are cursed with the blessing of consciousness and choice, a two-edged sword that both divides us and can help us become whole… The divided life may be endemic, but wholeness is always a choice. ~ Parker Palmer

When interviewed on Super Soul Sunday, spiritual thought leader and author Marianne Williamson, who recently ran for Congress but lost in the primary, said the higher purpose of democracy is that all people are “guaranteed the opportunity to self-actualize.”

I was riveted by her comments right at the end of the interview, because she was able to articulate so succinctly my philosophy about and understanding of this country, which I embody in my talks like “Who Are You and What Are You Supposed to Be Doing with Your Life?” and “Use Your Freedom to Create the Life of Your Dreams”. It is why I have always believed in and loved being American, even if I haven’t always been proud of it.

Regardless of what stage of growth our nation is in its own personal growth, the US is still a special place that allows us to become the highest and best versions of ourselves, the ease of which is tempered by varying degrees of circumstance, luck and justice.  Not only can we elect our government representatives, but we can elect ourselves to run our own personal life race, and make an infinite number of choices that enable us to be who we are meant to be due to a more palpable, if not literal, freedom than most, if not any, other country on this planet.

But no matter where you are citizen, we have more of a say in our lives than the external world of politics, religion, and capitalism would have us (or want us) to believe.  If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll realize that your life at this very moment is a culmination and sum total of every choice you’ve ever made.  Depending on whether or not you like where you’re at, meaning if you don’t like it or want to make it even better, you can make different choices to result in a different direction.

If we summon the political will to use the power that really is in our hands, we can elect to react to any situation with love or fear, anger or compassion, understanding or hate. We can choose when and where to get involved outside of ourselves and make decisions that bring us either closer to or further from our authentic self and goals.  I know where my vote goes!

We cast our internal ballot to either stew in a sea of what ifs, and shoulda coulda wouldas, or instead deal with the reality of what’s in front of us as it stands, taking responsibility and the appropriate action in order to plow forward and create a more favorable outcome.  Try not to have any hanging chads here….

We can choose our thoughts, making sure they are positive and expansive; we can acknowledge our feelings and allow ourselves to feel everything – good bad or ugly – so we can govern them once we accept and learn from the awareness they are bringing to our attention. I’ve been campaigning for this for years!

In other words, we have the right to vote with our consciousness and use it accordingly no matter what the circumstance. Make sure you are exercising this fundamental liberty in every area of your life – your work, your relationships, your health, and your community.

Need a little help getting comfortable with your own personal polling place? Give me a buzz, and I’ll keep you honest in towing the party line of YOU, knowing that your victory will benefit a constituency that includes your family, friends, neighbors and perhaps even the world!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on November 4, 2014)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON

It’s that time of year when the president of the United States delivers his annual address to Congress and the country, reflecting on the reality of where we are now and the direction he plans for us to go over the coming year and beyond.  It’s a snapshot of what’s happening at this point and time in our history; it’s a laundry list of the tasks that lie ahead which is meant to be both specific and visionary.

Since we’re 13 days into the new year, it’s still a good time to think about what you want in the coming 353 (it’s a leap year..), so why not take these chilly days to snuggle up with a journal and write a personal state of the union for your life?

How are your unique gifts, talents and abilities uniting with your work?  If not utilized in your current job, how you do express them in your everyday life? How are you connecting and uniting with the people around you – be them family, friends, co-workers or strangers?  How is the internal vision of you are and what you want uniting with the reality of your life at this moment? If you could freeze-frame your life right now and look at it 10 years from now, what would you think? What would you tweak?  What concrete things do you want to achieve and what is your overall vision for 2016 and beyond?

If you don’t yet have all the answers, a great way to start is by using these questions as a guide, , or simply give me a buzz and we’ll explore, evaluate, organize and come up with a plan to lobby for and legislate all that you want to accomplish in your own personal corner of the world.  And when you’re done you can do a little dance to the J.Geils Band catchy hit tune which you will then not be able to get out of your head.    

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on January 25, 2011)

CLICK HERE FOR INFO ABOUT MY NEW YEAR, NEW YOU PRIVATE COACHING OFFER

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON

I always have a hard time explaining to folks what I do, even as I enter my ninth(!) year of coaching professionally. Over time I have come up with some language that helps (scroll down for that…), but last year I happened to catch the end of one of those PBS specials where the speaker, Lissa Rankin, author of Mind Over Medicine, was talking about how a doctor’s communication is critical to the healing of the patient. In fact, the physician can have a placebo effect, and therefore become the medicine itself.  That sparked an a-ha moment for me – I realized that I’m not a doctor, but through my writing, speaking and especially coaching, I am medicine, and strong medicine at that! 

I like to call myself a “holistic career coach” or “life chiropractor” because an individual’s work is my entree into looking at their entire life. This is because our jobs/careers are generally where we spend the most time and energy, so if that’s “off” many other things like health and relationships will be “off” as well, and vice versa. When I meet with clients, I get in there with my x-ray vision and supersonic hearing and connect the dots, see what is out of wack and give you an adjustment along with tools and resources to put you back in alignment.

“Treatment” could take the form of specific tasks and homework, my prescriptions so to speak, but sometimes it is simply me seeing you in a way that you’ve never looked at yourself before, which gives you new insights about who you are, where you should be going and how best to be using your time and energy. Most folks come away with a different perspective that is profoundly healing and motivates them to move forward in a positive direction, however long a process that might take.  Everyone is re-awakened to the person they know themselves to be.

In other words, you get a good dose of special sauce to do the things you need to do that will create purpose, meaning and balance in every area of your life!  Often this is a one-time injection and you’re re-calibrated and on your way; other folks are in the midst of a deeper transformation and need more guidance over a period of time.  Although there are most certainly phases when we all need outside expertise and support, it is always my goal to empower you to ultimately become your own coach and trusted counsel. 

We are humans, and we bring our whole human selves with our entire characteristics, experiences, limitations, talents, stresses and passions to wherever we are, whatever we are doing and whomever we are with. This resonates now more than ever with our 24/7 accessibility, increasingly virtual workplaces and the overall blurring of lines between our personal and professional lives, so we need to learn how to manage, balance and integrate it all!

I’m here to help. Yes, I’m strong medicine, but I always deliver with a spoonful of sugar, so don’t be afraid to contact me whenever you’re ready for a little remedy to what ails you.  And, this month I’m sweetening things up even more by offering you a discount on my services, so be sure to click here to check it out! 🙂

Whether we work together directly or not, I’m so very glad you’re here and hope you enjoy my regular PGG essays which will be back next week. Here’s to your Peace, Prosperity and Purpose in 2016 and beyond!

Click here for full PGG with discount offer

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON

Whew!  We made it.  Another year under our belts – and what a year it was! I found it really interesting to go back over and compile this list of PGGs written in 2015 (the others you receive are recycled from past years); I had forgotten about many of them and was wondering who wrote these?!?

It hasn’t been an easy 12 months from microcosm to macrocosm, and these PGG’s reflect the intensity and urgency of where we are as a culture, nation and planet.  I highly encourage you to take some time to read them over the next few days to provide a reflective start to your new year!

As many of you know, this has been a challenging year of immense stress, sadness and transition for me due to my mother’s illness and passing, and everything that entails. At the same time I have experienced great healing, growth and even joy as a result of having gone (and still going) through the process in a vulnerable, healthy way and it’s been so special to connect with people through the meaningful interactions that this brings out in both friends and strangers.  Perhaps you experienced loss too, whether a loved one, job, divorce or other big event; if not you might be acutely attuned to the world’s crisis and loss of life around the globe and found yourself having to adjust to a new version of reality.

But with death always comes birth, so one bright spot for me was certainly my PGG:The Book being released into the world with all the wonderful feedback so many of you offered. I’ve included those PGG’s here as well in case you missed that coming out. (And of course, be sure to grab yourself a copy and tell a friend if you haven’t already done so! )

What about your 2015? This is a great time to take a look at your calendars, journals, datebooks and even social media pages to do your own year in review – it is incredibly gratifying and enlightening to see what you have accomplished, been through and experienced – the good, the bad and the ugly – to see how much you’ve grown, where you are now, and who and where you want to be in the months and years ahead before you pop-open the bubbly!

I also wanted to take a moment to sincerely express my gratitude to everyone here for all of your support of me and what I do – whether you attended a seminar, became a coaching client, or simply read a PGG every now and then – THANK YOU for allowing me to be who I am, and to express myself in all of these ways!  I am so honored by your presence, attention and love and it allows me to keep on keepin’ on even when the going gets tough!

Wishing you the most Productive, Positive and Peaceful New Year you can possibly imagine and then some!  Please know I am always here for you and would be happy to help you realize the best possible version of who you are in 2016 and beyond!

Big hug, Kristina

2015 PGG Links & Excerpts:

 Radiohead 

 “…why not think about detoxing and tuning-up your mental and emotional diets, adjusting your atmosphere and exercising a more positive attitude towards yourself and others?”

Grey’s Anatomy

“Like the Buddha says of a string on the sitar, if it’s too tight it will break, too loose and you won’t get any sound from it.  Either way the music dies. Life does not exist in black or white, but in fact found in the many shades between.”

The Fog of War

“The most dangerous threat we all faced, and continue to face, is that of ‘divide and conquer’; of thinking we are the lone soldier out in the battlefield and that we have to suffer in silence…. We cannot isolate in our trenches – we must reach out to our platoon – that is what they are there for!”

PGG: The Book!

“…a book of insightful essays (injected with fun and humor) to help guide, inspire, and make sense of life’s daily challenges and milestones alike. If you need a mood booster or helping hand, check it out!”

Tomorrow is Now

“One antidote to this anxiety is remembering that everyone has a gift to offer and when you both discover and use that gift in the present, it is much easier to trust what may come tomorrow.”

Green Means Go

“Think about how the trees and plants are always there, evolving, growing, moving towards life, no matter what they’re handed or how much they suffer – they remain steadfast in supporting and healing us. By giving thanks perhaps we can counteract some of the abuse we has humans have doled out!”

Peace Out

“It is not easy to watch someone die, let alone someone you love, and someone who was such a force of nature.”

Things that make you go hmmmm....

“….131 essays about self-care, career direction, transition, stress, feeling lost, going with the flow and more. They’re ideas, observations, and unique perspectives to make you think about yourself and your life in a new way, motivate you to make positive change, help ease those challenging times and perhaps have a chuckle or two.”

The Right Stuff 

“The more we can start looking at our own lives with the ‘overview effect’, the more we can plan for our highest and best exit when the inevitable day arrives.”

Hide and Seek

“Remember what themes spoke to you last week, what you and everyone around you innately responded to and was stimulated and stirred within: kindness, inclusion, healing, empathy.”

What Lies Beneath 

“Be generous in spirit, in time, money, health, love, compassion, presence and kindness. Let generosity, not greed, be your underlying force – and when looking at others’ actions try to understand theirs – it will give you much more information than appears and help you separate the wheat from the chaff.”

Read ALL 2015 PGG’s (and more!) By Visiting My Website

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON

No matter what the topic, I always talk about two things in my seminars: how can we expect to have peace on this planet if we don’t have peace in our own lives; and everyone should cook.  Ergo, we must have peace in our kitchens in order to have peace in our lives in order to have peace in the world.  

Whether you consider yourself the next Top Chef or think heating up leftovers in the microwave qualifies, my go-to recipe that gourmets and gauche gourmands alike can make is pea soup. Cooking in general, and especially something like soup, is extremely meditative and teaches us that life does not always function like an instant message; this forces you to slow down, be more present, have more patience and then literally enjoy the fruits of your labor.

One ingredient alone won’t cut it, and you can really make the recipe your own.  Each chopped up piece of onion, carrot, celery, garlic, (ham, kale, turnip, parsnip, sweet potato…whatever else you want to put in there) and of course split peas, ultimately blend together in an harmonious way; the whole meal is highly nutritious with many healthy benefits, and the subtle combination of these diverse components, over time, brings out the best in each other.  Yum.

The United States has been called a melting pot, and as a struggling global superpower, if that can truly be realized in its most positive sense, the rest of the world has a pretty good shot as well.  So, as you’re making the soup, perhaps visualize the ingredients as Red States and Blue States, the Rich and the Poor, White, Black, Muslim, Non-Muslim, Gay, Straight, Liberals and Conservatives – and why not throw in the countries of the European Union as well, since they need all the help they can get at the moment…

But if you really are a menace in the galley, you can always take a mental ride on the Peace Train or imagine yourself a member of the YouTube Symphony Orchestra, with 100 artists from over 30 countries playing more than two dozen diverse instruments, coming together to create that beautiful universal language known as music.

Still feel like your Jong is kind of Il?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help unite your body, relationships, career and life so they can be peas in a pod and you can make your contribution by experiencing a deeper sense of peace in your piece of the pie.  

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on December 20, 2011)

Wishing you and your family a peaceful holiday filled with
Light, Love and Laughter!

Looking for a great holiday gift for yourself or that special person? Check out PGG: The Book. Learn more by clicking here.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON

I recently attended the screening of a very cool documentary called Connected: An Autobiography About Love, Death & Technology.  An ambitious undertaking, filmmaker Tiffany Shlain has presented some interesting ideas and factoids in a unique visual way about the history of who we are and the connections we have to each other from the past, present and where we might be headed in the future.

One of the best tidbits I learned was that if you hug someone for six seconds or more, a dose of the feel-good hormone oxytocin is released.

Many of you who have worked with me individually, in a group or have talked to me after one of my workshops or seminars, know that I’m a big hugger.  In addition to hugging my clients and audience members, I tend to hug strangers after a meaningful conversation, and even in more professional situations, say after a meeting, which may or may not be kosher, but I can’t help it!  I often randomly hug friends, family members and co-workers because I somehow sense they need one, and I will occasionally request one myself (especially from a super-good hugger, like my bro!)

Why? I’ve actually never thought about it.  It’s just always been a natural extension of who I am, the work I do and my love of people in general.  If I had to intellectualize it, perhaps it’s about sealing an interaction in a “Yes, I see and hear you, you see and hear me, and we can show mutual love, respect and care for each other as human beings in the most tangible way.”

And let’s face it, who couldn’t use a hug now and then?  We should be able to give and receive hugs freely, but for those of you who need to justify your request, there’s a scientific explanation, because hey, who wouldn’t want to get a little shot of some naturally feel-good feelings?!  So forget about the economy and the internet, because the true currency of connection is the HUG, and the good news is that it’s available worldwide and abundant in infinite amounts.

Feeling a little stressed or simply need a boost to brighten your day?  Instead of reaching for that Twix bar or beer, have no fear, don’t you pout just say hello and hug it out! 

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on September 27, 2011)

Looking for a great holiday gift for yourself or that special person? Check out PGG: The Book. Learn more by clicking here.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!   Click on above links for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

Join Mailing List
 

CLICK HERE TO PURCHASE Personal Growth Gab (PGG) Volume One FROM AMAZON