Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. ~ C.S. Lewis

Despite what Simon & Garfunkel once sang, we are not rocks, nor islands, as many of us (especially those drawn to live in the metropolis that is New York) might want to be. The irony of course is that the very nature of being human means we are part of a greater whole and must interact with other human beings on many levels. Yet a sense of connection and belonging doesn’t always come from the family, tribe or culture we are born into so we must create that connection authentically first within ourselves and then with others.

Relationships are one of the most difficult areas for us homo sapiens to navigate, and they are the biggest source of our pleasure as well as our pain.  The past three years or so we have had an advanced course in them; I for one can say as difficult as it’s been, have learned some new and deeper versions of lessons I know will serve me well in the future, all of which culminated in a super-summer intensive, with this harvest season reaping the wisdom culled from that journey.

Some of those nuggets include: finding the balance between losing ourselves/being co-dependent versus isolating and becoming a monk (or a psychopath); having boundaries and not taking on/feeling responsible for another’s emotional or other type of well-being; nurture yourself, no one can know exactly what you need but you; see a person and a relationship as they really are, not how you’d like them to be. And regarding those close/intimate relationships that are more difficult or challenging, keep in mind that person – whether parent, boss, spouse, sibling, lover, friend, child – is just the actor playing the role in a scenario you have created in order to heal and grow.  

Lastly, the people you choose to allow into your life – your friends/boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner should meet certain criteria. The word ‘friend’ especially has been so diluted and watered down with the use of Facebook and social media you need to be able to separate the wheat from the chaff and discern the  Apples from Oranges.

The foundation of a relationship with anyone deserving of your time and energy must include understanding, appreciation and respect – you should be able to check off at least two of these to be considered a friend, and if you are fortunate to have someone in your life who truly understands, appreciates and respects you, you are very, very lucky and should treasure and honor that relationship for the special gem that it is.

The bottom line is, You Gotta Have Friends, and making time for friendships and your most important relationships is not a luxury but a necessity. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day busy-ness of life, but we need to discipline ourselves to create space for connecting with the people who love and accept us, who know and understand us, with whom we share interests and history, and have grown together, not apart.

Not sure who are your buds and who are the duds in your life? Give me a buzz and we’ll see which relationships are ripe for the pickin’ and which ones have taken a lickin’!

(Today’s PGG was originally published on October 2, 2012)

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person!  Click above for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today.

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Those of you who have known or worked with me for a while are aware that I have never been comfortable being the center of attention, and am an introvert by nature.  But I do have something to say, and have been saying stuff in public now for many years!

As I mention in my seminars, Eleanor Roosevelt, one of my heroes, famously encouraged us to “Do the thing you fear the most.”  One of those things for me besides being ‘on stage’ is being in front of the camera.  Another thing I talk about is once you figure out who you are, own it.  I’m also always saying that we teach what we need to learn (and write what we need to read), and since I do my best to walk my talk and practice what I preach…

Last week I had someone videotape my Who Are You and What Are You Supposed to Be Doing with Your Life? seminar at SIBL. They very kindly put together this little excerpt, so for this week’s PGG I thought I would share it.  (For all of you who were at my talk – over 70 of you! – welcome, sorry for the repeat so soon, and usually these are essays 🙂  I’ll be back next week with something to read, but this week here is something to watch.  What can you do today to own who you are?

Need a little help figuring out who you are? Scroll down for info about my coaching and speaking services and contact me today to work together!

 Looking for a PGG to read? Remember all past posts can be found on my website www.kristinaleonardi.com  and many are now on Facebook

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We don’t want to hear about the process because we want everything to be instantaneous. Process in life always comes before the promotion. ~ T.D. Jakes

Now so much I know
that things just don’t grow
if you don’t bless them with your patience.
~ ‘Emmylou’ by First Aid Kit

As I am in the midst of my seventh year coaching professionally, I find this a major theme that comes up over and over with most everyone I work with.  Everybody wants answers and results overnight; they want action steps and bullet points to go from point A to B to C.  And they get very frustrated when I tell them it doesn’t work like that!    

But if they listen, do the ‘homework’ and begin to understand and internalize what I have to say, the inevitable always happens – they get answers, re-discover and connect to themselves, see light at the end of the tunnel, feel an inner shift, gain a new perspective, land their dream job, increase their self-esteem, are more integrated and fulfilled than they could have ever imagined.  And more times than not, at the end of the day, month, year(s), I get a begrudging….”You were right!”

For any lasting growth and change to occur you have to embrace the 3P’s – process, patience, and persistence. Depending what you are working on you could see or feel results after one session, six weeks, six months, or three years –  some are big and external, but most subtle and more internal as they are still ‘cooking’ so to speak.  Remember we are always evolving – and the acorn does not become the oak tree overnight!

There are certain times of the year that inspire more focus on change than others, whether organic or collectively agreed upon with, say, a Western calendar. Feeling like the resolutions you made January 1st are already long gone or had a false start? The good news is that you have a second chance with the Lunar New Year that begins this Thursday – which I always felt was more accurate anyway since as humans we are more in harmony with the cycles of the moon…

This is the Year of the Horse, so before you go galloping into the future all willy-nilly be sure you are implementing the changes that you truly desire and are going in the best direction at this time in your life, or perhaps you need a course correction – either way you want to harness that energy to make the most of the months ahead. 

Not sure how? Here are a few ways my services can help, as most of you fall into one or a combination of the following categories:

Executive Coaching:

Who:  Managers, Business Owners, Directors, C-Suite Executives 

What: Authentic leadership, motivate staff, cultivate teamwork, facilitate communication, inspire vision and culture, increase employee engagement, manage stress, improve work/life wellness

ROI/Why:  Productivity, People and Profit!

Career Coaching:

Who:  Career Changers, Career Climbers, Job Searchers, Moms, Dads, Grads

What:  Exploration, discovery and attainment of meaningful work and lifepath, improve job performance, professional development and advancement, enter or re-enter job force, time/stress management and work/life wellness 

ROI/Why:  Purpose, Peace and Promotion!  

Life Coaching:

Who: Anyone feeling lost/at a crossroads, unsatisfied, stressed, blocked, confused, passionless   

What: Life transitions, identity issues/crisis, body/mind/spirit wellness, authentic expression, improved relationships   

ROI/Why:  Balance, Bounty and Bliss!  

Any or all of these sound like you? Give me a buzz, I’ll be the Horse Whisperer that will guide you to the clarity, balance and direction you need in every area of your life to make 2014 your best calendar and lunar year yet!   Gong Xi Fa Zai!

   新年快樂!! 

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One of the things I try to do when speaking to groups in career transition is put back the power in their hands and their hearts. I let you know you should not accept your fate as victims of a system or think you are subject to the whims of the economy, conventional wisdom, how things appear on the surface or any external voices; and that where there is a will there is a way.

I want you to find the connection, strength and truth of who you are, how you got to this moment, and then motivate you to make the changes necessary to grow and move forward in a positive direction in your career and life.  I ask you to take back control of your job search, trust in the process, and often end in a half-jokingly way with my fist up and the rally call ‘Power to the People’!

It’s not that I ignore the cold hard reality of the way the world works these days and how that might impact job prospects or a fulfilling existence, but I do want to wake folks up to the fact that you are not passive participants in life, and that you have much more power over and responsibility for your situation than you might realize or want to admit, which means that you can’t blame anyone, and you probably just have to work a little harder and/or smarter to get the results you want.

We’ve collectively come to a crossroads where this could not be more true – we’ve allowed a variety of entities to take over, bombard and bamboozle our hearts and minds and bodies- whether governments, corporations, the military, Hollywood, or some combination of them all – to take advantage of our numbing tendencies, heads in the sand, electronic distractions and/or sheer need to survive the daily grind…how much longer can we take it?

With all the recent talk on spying, why not do some internal surveillance to observe and feel what’s going on in your life right now – what kind of tyranny is dictating your thoughts, words and deeds, consciously or subconsciously?  Where can you take action, even if only symbolic, to show that you, not your oppressor, is in charge? What is your version of Tahrir, Taksim or Brasilia? What would Edith Windsor, Wendy Davis or Tim DeChristopher do in your situation? What Supreme Court  judgments do you need to overturn or restore in your heart? How can you bend the rules in your favor without breaking them or engage in civil disobedience when they are no longer (or never where) valid or have become corrupted? Where do you need more courage in your life?  What can you liberate yourself from?

As I always say, personal transformation is the key to social transformation, so if we want a better world we need to start with our own. Use that intelligence gathering to find something, someone or some idea in your life that is holding you back – keeping in mind that this is often our own ego or limiting beliefs! Perhaps it is simply letting go of an image of how you think you are supposed to be or were told you are, or approaching a health issue, relationship or unemployment with forgiveness and a new point of view that puts you in the driver’s seat. Or maybe the most radical thing you can do is love yourself unconditionally.

Need a little help Shaking the Tree?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you find the Strength, Courage and Wisdom to Use the Force and create the life you so deserve!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted on July 9, 2013)

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Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness. ~ Khalil Gibran

If you look for truth, you may get comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get truth only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin, and in the end, despair. ~ C.S. Lewis

New Year’s always stirs up thoughts about what we want to change in our lives, but that means you need to have a good idea of what needs to change in the first place – and like the famous prayer says, have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Getting to that accurate perception is the first step, and might actually be more important than making the change; therefore perhaps our work this year is to ‘snap out of it’ and instead see ourselves, situations and people as they really are, not how we’d like them to be.  Then, and only then, can real change begin.

Humans, especially 21st century versions, want what we want when we want it; our media and technology only makes this worse, fueling our impulses and imagination with its magnified distortion of time, place and interaction; it enables us to more easily delude ourselves in thinking our situation is one way, when it is in fact another; when we think a job, our health, or relationships are positive when it’s not, or, vice versa.  It distracts us and makes us forget that anything lasting is a process and requires massive amounts of reflection, patience and perseverance.

As the saying goes, ‘know the truth and the truth shall set you free’.  It’s not always fun getting there, and letting go of lifelong dreams and illusions and accepting ourselves, people and circumstances as they are, relinquishing any hope that they are or will become what or who you wish them to be can be extremely painful and in fact feel like a death which you need to grieve.

But the good news is that knowing and accepting the truth affords us a more profound, productive and meaningful life experience when we know what is real. When we live from that place we can then make better decisions about addressing any situation, how to improve it or let it go – the more accurate the assessment, the more effective the solution can be.

Because of my talent for connecting the dots, cutting through the ‘crap’ and getting to the root of things quickly and directly, my clients might not like what I have to tell them at first – yet they always come back to me days, weeks or years later and admit it was not necessarily what they wanted to hear, but ultimately exactly what they needed at the time. (….And saved them thousands of dollars in therapy!)

The truth can be overwhelming but once acknowledged means you can really start to move forward. So before you seriously embark any resolutions, begin there. It’s strong medicine to start the year off, but essential if you want to get healthy in any area of your life.

Feeling like A Change is Gonna Come, but not sure how to make it happen? Give me a buzz and I’ll be the doctor with the diagnosis and that spoon full of sugar to make the medicine go down! ❤

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When I started this newsletter in January 2010, I wasn’t really sure what I was doing or how it would develop, but four years and more than 125 original essay/posts later I continue to find my voice, observe common themes and muse upon life’s lessons, sharing what I know to be true in a unique and entertaining way. This is my art, and one of my gifts to the world – who knew?

I am not one of those quick, effortless writers or fancy wordsmiths. I am moderately dyslexic. I barely read books. But I do have something to say – so these little 500-700 word essays take me on average 8+ hours each to write and edit (as best I can!). They are a creative labor of love.

Between my clients, friends, family and own personal journey, along with paying attention to the planets and current events, I gain a special birds-eye view and insight into many lives (and want to assure you you are not alone in having gone through a lot of inner and outer ‘stuff’ in 2013!). Through my weekly PGG’s I connect the dots and try to articulate and illuminate what we’re all experiencing to make your days a little better and brighter.

I am grateful to have this vehicle to express my thoughts, and am honored that they are read by so many of you. As we come to the end of the year, as part of my own reflection, I wanted to ask:

Do you look forward to getting PGG every week? Has a PGG inspired or motivated you to do something positive, gain a different perspective or improve your life in some way?

Regardless of how many you’ve read, if you feel you have benefited from my writing at all I am kindly requesting your feedback and support, so here are 3 easy ways to show your appreciation and share the love for PGG:

1. Send a “PGG Present” via PayPal to kristina.leonardi@gmail.com

Think of it as a monthly/annual subscription, tip in the tip jar, or simply a holiday/thank you gift – any amount is valuable 🙂

2. Share PGG by LIKING PGG’s Page on Facebook                         AND then tell all of your friends to ‘Like’ it, too – maybe by sharing a favorite post or quote from one of them, AND/OR encourage them to sign-up to be on my mailing list by going to the Contact Page of my website.

(Ditto for my TwitterPage!Please follow and Retweet often 🙂 )

3. Use or recommend my coaching and/or speaking services

If you like what I write, you’ll love what I have to say in person, either one on one or in front of your company, organization or group!

Of course your comments and suggestions throughout the year are always welcome and mean the world to me, but any one of these actions would let me know that I should continue writing on a regular basis as we move into 2014; it would demonstrate how much of an impact I’m having, and allow me to receive your gratitude and enthusiasm for my work in a more tangible way.

THANK YOU for your support and feedback, however you choose to express it!

* * * * * * * *

Wishing You a Joyful Holiday Season and a New Year filled with Peace, Prosperity, Love & Magic!

One of the things I learned when I was negotiating was that until I changed myself, I could not change others.~ Nelson Mandela 

Revolution is the evolution of humans into a higher humanity. ~ Grace Lee Boggs                                      

Those of you who know me or have been reading PGG for a while know that my passion and mission in life has always been to contribute to world peace, mostly through my work best expressed in my mantra that personal transformation is the key to social transformation.

So it should come as no surprise that I profoundly relate to and revere the lives of these two nonagenarians, the late 95 year old Nelson Mandela and the 98 year old activist and author Grace Lee Boggs, who literally embody this philosophy in every cell of their beings; who have demonstrated it both externally with their activism and sacrifice for racial equality and social justice, and internally by the wisdom they have gained and generously share from nearly a century of experience, observation, and most importantly, reflection.   

Both started out as ‘radicals’, and even Mandela up until 2008, were branded as terrorists with the requisite FBI/CIA files because they initially saw the only way to overthrow the entrenched power structure was by employing the more literal and sometimes violent tactics of revolution through organized movements and a spirit of rebellion. But through trial and error, incarceration and maturation, eventually evolved – which means they gave themselves permission to change their minds, learn and grow in light of new information, experimentation and once again, reflection – ultimately coming to the conclusion that in order to change the world they would have to change themselves.

They came to understand that indeed humanity is made up of humans and that humans were going to have to deal with other humans in order to get anything done. So we better be the best we can be as individuals and we better try to get along and get past our differences and disagreements, because the reality is that we must co-exist harmoniously – whether in a racially divided African country, a rundown bankrupt American city or in your very own household.

We are living in extraordinary times and it is no accident that you are who you are at this moment in history.

What does your humanity mean to you?  As our world continues to go through turbulent changes and upheavals, it will be up to us individually and collectively to do our part to ‘tear down’ where necessary and rebuild a more enlightened society that reflects our evolved humanity.  But we have to start with ourselves, and do what we can in our immediate environments to demonstrate our own personal evolution – which, by the way, does not happen overnight, with a magic pill, silver bullet or special app.

It is only through keen observation, deep reflection and inner and outer sweating effort and energy over a long period of time directed towards improving ourselves and serving others that true transformation can take place. Then, if we’re lucky, by the time we reach our 90’s can look back and see how our journey has positively and productively unfolded in both a personal and political way, and be proud of what we accomplished and the legacy we will leave behind.

Wondering how it will all go down if you take up the cause? Give me a buzz and I will incite a riot in your heart to make the most of what you got, so at the end of the day you know it’s gonna be alright!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

10 Things Nelson Mandela Said That You Have to Know

American Revolutionary: The Evolution of Grace Lee Boggs 

My personal thoughts: Feeling the Legacy of Nelson Mandela

My journey: All Roads; Same Place

Audio interview:

 Voice x Voice: Kristina as one of the Inspiring Women and Peacebuilders Around the World  

Personal Transformation is the Key to Social Transformation: An Interview with Kristina Leonardi

I Love My Life: Song & lyrics by my special friend Zachary Miles Lefkowitz, age 4 1/2, Sept. 2013

*********************************************************************************

When at a wake recently with my 14 year old nephew, I recalled to him the time he was about to turn four and I asked if he was excited about his upcoming birthday. He began to cry hysterically saying he didn’t want to have any birthdays – this was because he spent a lot of time around my ailing grandmother who had just passed away in her 80’s and he made the very astute observation that getting older means you are one step closer to dying.

I asked now what it was about death that bothered him most.  He did not hesitate for even a second and simply, and very seriously, said “Because you won’t have the exhilarating feeling of being alive.” 

I thought this was a profound answer as folks around us were suffering at the loss of our loved one –  Jake honed right in on the crux of the matter: We are alive, and we should experience and treasure every moment that aliveness brings us. 

Over the weekend I had my first massage in over two years, and it really brought home to me these conversations in the most basic and visceral of ways.  Being alive means we are here, in a very physical body in a very physical world. Our body is our vehicle to experience all that life has to offer so we need to love, appreciate and take care of it – and, we are also here with other human beings who we are meant to love, appreciate and take care of in a physical way.

Most of us tend to live in our heads, and are quite disconnected from our bodies and/or emotions.  Getting a massage, whether by a therapist, or having a friend or family member give you a little hands-on tender-loving care affirms our being-ness, our aliveness, and our connection to and need for one another.  Numerous studies have documented the necessity of touch especially for newborns and the elderly – it is literally what keeps them alive and determines their health and longevity.

Diana Ross famously sang “Reach out and touch somebody’s hand, make this world a better place, if you can.”  If you’re lucky, you have close relationships where you can exchange physical, affectionate touch on a regular basis.  If not, there are lots of alternatives like hugs and various forms of bodywork you can receive from others in appropriate ways and settings.

And sometimes the most special touch can come from a stranger, like from the tourist in Bryant Park over the summer who while having her photo taken nearby sensed/saw me distraught and crying (even though I thought I was incognito with my sunglasses, hair covering my face and downward glance!), and in one of the most generous, kind moments I have ever experienced, gently put her reassuring, healing hand on my shoulder for a few seconds as she walked by, saying with that one gesture, “I see you, I feel your pain; I don’t know you, speak your language or know why you are upset, but I am here to offer you what comfort I can as a fellow human being.” 

So as we go further down this technological highway with its isolating side effects and embark upon the holiday season with the increasing commercial madness it brings, remember the basics:  you are here, we are here, let’s love our lives and love one another and demonstrate that love and compassion in the most tangible and meaningful ways possible.

Not quite sure how? Give me a buzz, because like Robin Thicke says:       I got it. You got it. We got the magic touch.

Whenever the fourth Thursday in November rolls around, we are meant to reflect on all the blessings in our lives. Traditionally that would imply appreciating all that is good or positive and bring us joy and happiness or that we could not live without.

While that is certainly warranted, why not also be grateful for the funky, not-so-positive, annoying and pain-in-the-you-know- where stuff as well: the people, things and situations that challenge us, push our buttons or make us feel uncomfortable.

There is a saying that “There are no problems, only opportunities.” Our crises and difficulties are chances for us to test our mettle, see what we’re made of, and to become stronger and wiser for it. They are occasions for us to make course corrections, adjustments, tune-ups and put ourselves back in balance or on track, or perhaps a different, better track. If things went great all the time you wouldn’t have to dig deep, really look at yourself, search within for answers, find new creative ways of doing things.

Innovation is problem solving at its most basic level  (just watch those Dyson commercials), so where would we be without all the problems we’ve had? Whether unemployed, having a health crisis or trouble in your personal or professional relationships, take a step back and see what is the Universe trying to show/teach you?  Remember those carbon atoms wouldn’t become diamonds without extreme high pressure and heat.

So this year, be thankful not only for the bird that you are about to eat (or tofurkey if that is more your style) but for all those ‘turkeys’ in your life: those folks and circumstances that have given you stress and grief but allowed you to go through and overcome whatever you needed to in order to grow and become the person that you are today.

And if you need a little help seeing how the cr*p in your life is really cool, give me a buzz and we’ll figure out what should be basted and tasted, and what is simply a little fat that needs to be trimmed.

Wishing you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving!  I am very grateful to all my readers and clients for allowing me to express myself and do work that I love! 🙂

(Today’s PGG has been posted every Thanksgiving week since November 2010)