Justice is what love looks like in public. Tenderness is what love feels like in private. ~ Cornel West

Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~ Plato

I’m a pretty even-keeled gal, and have become somewhat adept at managing/mitigating stress in my life, which I share with others through my work.  Part of that strategy includes limiting/filtering my daily dose of news and media so as not to get overwhelmed by the gloom and doom that is the majority of what is broadcast.

But lately I’ve been feeling like the character in that famous scene from the 1976 movie Network: ‘mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore.‘  Just pick a topic, whether our broken political system, the war on women’s reproductive health, the global economic mess and decline of the middle class, or vigilantes and blatant attacks both here and abroad, including massacres and ethnic cleansing, both overt and subtle, of particular races, religions, sexual orientations and nations. There are so many things under siege in our culture, society and around the world that it’s easy to get lulled into the feeling we can’t do anything, but we can take matters into our hands – in a responsible way.

Besides using your voice, signature and/or pocketbook to make a difference, we can check our egos at the door and let balanced emotions guide our actions, not uncontrolled rage or fear.  There is plenty of wonkiness/intellectual and pseudo-intellectual approaches to go around, and unfortunately pure hatred and insanity as well to fuel many an action, so the question that each of us needs to answer is: How can we inject more love, understanding and compassion in order to effect the change we want?

A good place to begin is to think about how we can create more justice and peace in our own lives, starting with our relationships. Are you unfairly punishing, harshly judging or incorrectly perceiving people closest to you whether family, friends or those you work with? Are the thoughts and actions towards yourself and others around you positive and constructive, or negative and destructive?  

Since today is the first day of Spring*, it’s a good time to clean out your mental and emotional closets as well as your physical ones.  By making more of a commitment to create your own just and peaceful world, only then can we expect it of the world around us. ‘Cause guess what? That world is made of us!

Do what you can to activate love and compassion within yourself, scan reactions and prejudices, don’t throw stones, and stand up for those who can’t.   Most of all, go easy on yourself – we’re often our own worst critics and judges and end up imprisoning ourselves and those around us because of it. Most people are doing the best as they can. As so eloquently stated in a TED Talk by Bryan Stevenson, remember that “Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done” and “Our humanity depends on everyone’s humanity.”  

Not quite sure where you need to balance the scales of justice in your life? Give me a buzz and I can be a softer, gentler version of Judge Judy, helping you to separate fact from fiction in your court of personal opinion so you can spring yourself from whatever slammer you’ve put yourself in!

Click here to take advantage of my Spring Cleaning Coaching discount offer

P.S. For related thoughts on this topic check out my posts: Let Love Rule, Deja Vu All Over Again

(*Today’s PGG was originally posted on March 20, 2012)

“A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind,” was the conclusion of a new Harvard study using an iPhone app.* It is a sentiment that many religions and philosophies have proclaimed for centuries that can best be summed up by the popular phrase, ‘be here now.’

If someone had a window into our minds, they’d see that we are almost never fully engaged in what is right in front of us, whether we’re thinking of something in the past or future, or simply not focused on the task at hand, and that causes unhappiness.

According to Andrew Bersnstein’s The Myth of Stress, it’s not the activity or situation itself that is a stressor, but our mind’s perception and reaction to it that causes the stress. So by recognizing the reality of the situation at that particular time, and really see why it is happening is a way to greatly reduce your adverse response to whatever is taking place.

I am always talking about process and ‘understanding where you’re at.’ Most unpleasant situations we find ourselves in are impermanent; by simply accepting the fact that they are temporary, you can greatly increase your sense of inner peace and balance. Because life is constantly in motion we need to learn how to just ‘go with the flow’ and know that ‘this too shall pass.’

Remember that if you show up, in your mind and also physically to that meeting or event or participating in that conversation, you’ve already done half the work and the Universe can meet you half way to create whatever it is you want or need.

Out of chaos always comes clarity. Need a little help living in the unknown and keepin’ it in real time? I can be your personal iPhone app that checks in to show you how to make sense of and the best out of anywhere you happen to be…

Click here to take advantage of my special Spring Cleaning Coaching discount offer for April

*Today’s PGG was originally posted on November 16 , 2010

For related thoughts on this topic, check out One Day at a Time

A regular Personal Growth Gab post will be back here next week, but since Spring has finally sprung (well, at least according to the calendar…!) I’ll be offering a special discount for my coaching services throughout the month of April.  

With the season’s energy of re-birth and re-generation it’s a great time to re-assess where you are at in your career and life, decide where you want to be going next and then plant the seeds to harvest come Fall!  Simply give me a buzz and we’ll get you on your way…

2013 Spring Cleaning Coaching Special

Take advantage of the opportunity this month to do a 360 of your life, clear the cobwebs and put a spring back in your step!Working with Kristina will give you the purpose, clarity and support you need with whatever personal and professional changes you want to make in order to become the most fulfilled version of yourself you can be.

Enjoy special rates now through April 30th*:

Scroll down for more info on all services

For new clients: 

*$50 discount on an Essential Self Consultation (Regularly $395)

*$20 discount on a 60-minute phone session (Regularly $150)

For returning clients a 10% discount on any of the following services:

*90-minute in person session (Regularly $225)
*60-minute phone session  (Regularly $150)
*Three session 90-minute in person package (Regularly $595)
*Three session 60-minute phone package (Regularly $390)

* To take advantage of the Spring Cleaning rates, please note that appointments must be scheduled and paid for prior to 4/30/13, and must take place no later than 5/15/13. Special rate three session packages must be paid for by 4/30/13 and be completed by 7/31/13

What’s it like working with me?  Click here for a list of comments from my September 2012 survey and find a few below:

 She has a laid-back approach, but don’t let that fool anyone. Her ability to read people is amazing and her assessments of how a person can enrich their lives/careers are spot-on. After she asked me lots of questions, she was somehow able to give me an assessment that was frighteningly accurate and illuminating.   

I like everything about how Kristina works because it almost seems custom made for the individual she is working with. 

Kristina gave me permission to be myself!  I can say no other person has empowered me in that way as much as she has – and I am TRULY forever grateful for that.   

A session with Kristina is always an investment in myself. I never feel like any time was wasted and I always leaving feeling better and more inspired than I did when I got there.

If there is another option you would like to consider that you do not see here, feel free to reach out to me.  I look forward to providing the clarity, balance and direction you need in order to enjoy the most fulfilling and peaceful life possible in 2013 and beyond!

Click here for more information  or Contact Kristina to schedule your appointment today

I rarely dedicate this space to anyone other than yours truly, but wanted to be sure you knew about the work of Dr. Brene Brown who I discovered over two years ago from a TED talk video that has also been viewed at this point by over 8 million other people.

The first time I watched her I thought – OMG she is able to articulate in 20 minutes, in a style that I can relate to, all that I understand, have experienced and am trying to help others with through my coaching and seminars! I was so impressed I shared the link with all my clients and friends, again, not something I normally do.

Well, here we are a couple years (and another very close to home TED talk) later and she just had a two-part conversation with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. Oprah said it best when she called Brene an “ah-ha verifier” because she is able to put into words and has the data to back up what the big O has known, observed and intuited all these years, which is exactly the same reaction I had!

If you don’t care to watch the videos, I at least wanted to post an excerpt from her new book Daring Greatly, which I have not read, but the points/chapter titles they discussed on the show sound like I could have written them – and my clients will definitely recognize my methods and philosophy there…

Whether you are a parent or not, I believe this is how we should treat each other since we are all part of the human family, and is the key to happiness and peace on this very broken planet… be sure to scroll down to get the link for the complete version.

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Exerpts from The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

by Dr. Brene Brown from her book Daring Greatly

Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions–the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other.

Click here for the OWN page to read the entire manifesto or here for a free pretty download

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Inspired, stimulated, motivated, curious to do some work based on any of Brene’s themes? Give me a buzz so we can dig in and get you living with your whole heart, filled with meaning, purpose, compassion and connection, and above all love for yourself and for all those around you.

Contact me today to get a $50 discount on an Essential Self Consultation good until 4/30/13! (Regular rate is $395)

P.S. For those who are looking to read a more traditional PGG, check out my posts The Passion of Passover, All that You Can’t Leave Behind, or Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

In the best-selling book Eat, Pray, Love, Liz Gilbert visits a holy man in Bali who gives her a meditation to ‘smile in every part of your body, even in your liver’. This is a great way to activate the feelings of joy within…even just reading that makes you feel a little lighter and more relaxed doesn’t it?

Well, if that doesn’t do it, then what will? Whatever the thought or image is, make sure you get a daily dose in order to keep yourself young, happy and at peace. Doing so has numerous health benefits and when identified and used properly, is cheaper and better than any diet pill, drug or food out there!

Whether savoring a scoop of gelato, relishing in a job well-done, experiencing a romantic moment, or watching an episode of Glee, recognize and cherish those moments you feel joyful. Try to sustain and bathe in the sensation for as long as you can and be able to recall it when you need it the most.

I recently attended a friend’s musical that had me smiling from ear to ear, and from my heart, gut and, yes, even my liver for an hour and a half. If he had not followed his calling to create, I would not have enjoyed the positive mental, physical and emotional benefits that came along with it.

Everyone has the capacity to bring joy to the world, or at least to someone else. If you don’t believe me or are not quite sure how, gimme a buzz -because my work gives me such joy, it would be my pleasure, literally, to help you figure it out!

(This week’s PGG was originally posted on May 4, 2010)

In that famous scene from the movie about Joan Crawford, the renowned actress declares in a rage to her daughter Christina that she use “No wire hangers – ever!”

Hopefully you did not grow up with that kind of extreme abusive relationship, but it is not so far-fetched to think that as an adult you might be treating yourself like Cinderella’s evil stepmother on steroids from time to time, subtly, overtly or subconsciously beating yourself up about the most trivial or significant things. Until we recognize and do something about it, we are often our own harshest critics when we need to be our most compassionate caregivers.

Do you speak nicely and are kind to yourself, especially in that tape that runs in your head? Do you take care of your body by eating healthy when you’re hungry, dressing appropriately for the weather, getting enough sleep, nursing yourself when sick, exercising, resting and PLAYing on a regular basis? Do you allow yourself to express, like a young child does, any emotion you are feeling – anger, sadness, frustration, joy, laughter in an appropriate and timely manner? (meaning don’t walk around emotionally constipated!) And especially if you are a mother of young children, responsible for an aging parent, a teacher, healing professional or other type of ‘official’ caregiver role, are you taking care of yourself as much as you take care of others?

Or perhaps on some level you operate like a neglected ‘orphan’, walking around searching outside yourself, doing anything for that feeling of warmth and nurturing (or a continuation of it if you did have it as a child). The bottom line is that we can’t rely on anyone to provide this for us – neither a spouse, partner, boyfriend/girlfriends, nor parents; as mature adults (which has nothing to do with age) we should strive to be emotionally, physically, financially, and intellectually self-sufficient, and most importantly, loving towards ourselves.

Whether or not you had a positive experience with whoever raised you, learn to nurture yourself as if you were your own precious child. When we can become ‘mothers’ to ourselves it is a lot easier to give and receive love and compassion with those closest to us and even with strangers. It doesn’t matter if you are ill, out of work, frustrated with a relationship or the state of the world – if we each commit to healing ourselves and take responsibility for our own well-being, we will begin to see positive change in big and small ways around us.

And to all the men out there, gender doesn’t matter – we each have a gentle feminine nature within us that we can call upon and develop, just like we also have a macho warrior spirit!

So tonight when you go to bed, tuck in that little girl or boy within you, maybe drink some tea, read a story and tell yourself you are sublimely cherished and grateful for all that you are, because like Lenny Kravitz’s Mama said, your life is a gift and love’s all that matters.

For related thoughts on this topic check out: (Wo)Man Up, One is the Magic Number, Discipline is Not a Dirty Word, The Pleasure Principle

As we watch with heartbreak and compassion the devastating aftermath of the earthquake in Japan*, it’s a good time to reflect on (or react to) where that tectonic plate is in your life that needs to be released of its tension? Where do you need to prevent a tsunami or nuclear fallout from occurring (or recover from one that just did)?

We all have areas of life that we tend to neglect more than others and allow things to build up over time. Like Mother Nature’s need to release her pent up pressure through a variety of earth and weather based events, our unbalanced energy has to go somewhere – and when not addressed it gets buried within us as fat or addictions, crushing debt, unhelathy relationships, dead-end jobs, physical or mental illness, or a general malaise, until one day the walls come a tumblin’ down – because if you don’t take care of it, the Universe eventually will.

As the saying goes, we often need to have a breakdown before we can have a breakthrough – it’s just life showing you where change is required. What emotions have been repressed that need to be released with a good cry or a sweaty workout? Is your mind about to crack (hopefully not like Charlie Sheen, which on the surface appears entertaining but is no joking matter); is a relationship or career or job search or your finances beyond repair or in need of a big ole tune-up; is your body giving you a hard time?

Change is one thing that is certain in life, and it is most definitely in the air at the moment. Embracing it and going with the flow makes dealing with change easier and less stressful, so heed the wisdom fro a certain 70’s hit TV series , when Peter was going through puberty and the Brady kids sang very groovily I might add, ‘…when it’s time to change, then it’s time to change – don’t fight the tide, come along for the ride.’ It means that ‘…you’ve got to re-arrange who you are into what you’re gonna be.’ (Try getting that song out of your head now…sha na na na na).

Change is always good if we respond to it in the right way: by accepting our state of affairs, our responsibility in its creation, and facing the fears about what actions are necessary to confront it – all the while knowing that we will be better, stronger, and wiser for having done so.  And, we need to deal with the reality of the situation as it is, not as we would like it to be. 

Not sure where the seismic activity or cresting river is in your life? You can always use the force like Luke Skywalker or Jamiroquai, or give me a buzz and I’ll read the warning signs and provide rescue, relief and/or recovery to help you avoid a full-on meltdown and instead enjoy the ride!

(*Today’s PGG was originally posted on March 15, 2011)

It used to be that scary movies only came out around Halloween, and there were just a handful at that.  Nowadays they seem to be released throughout the year in waves and are more creepy, disturbing and bloody than ever.

Besides the usual monster mashes and alien invasions, there are the stories that prey on our defenselessness to natural disasters, biological vulnerabilities and other such forces beyond our control. And then there are the films and shows that simply glamorize and cool-ify violence and revenge, and types of people who are clearly negative, like serial killers, drug dealers, vampires, ghosts and witches to name a few.  That last group scares me the most, as they are slowly but surely desensitizing us to characters with qualities we should not want to be chummy or fall in love with.  But I digress…

When it comes to our ‘real’ lives, there are all sorts of metaphoric and literal things that go bump in the night, but the biggest one and root cause of all the others is the fear of the unknown. Whether wondering what that noise in the basement is, what havoc a major hurricane, earthquake or terrorist attack will wreak, to being unsure of where your next meal, paycheck or retirement income will come from, or what happens when you have to speak in front of a crowd or after you take your last breath…. all the possibilities that can run rampant in your head boils down to one outcome: not knowing what the outcome is.

Most humans, especially Americans, and particularly New Yorkers, like to control everything. And because we are constantly active and living in this 21st century distraction-filled and overstimulated world, the paradox and irony of the antidote to the fear of the unknown is for many the biggest fear of all: knowing ourselves.  

The best way to deal with any fear and anxiety (no, not grabbing for a xanax) is by being in the present deal and with what is right now, not what was or what could be.  And to be in the present you have to be with yourself.

By being in touch and comfortable with who you are and what you know and are capable of, you can take control of your life in a healthy way and come to trust in the process of a Universe that is always conspiring for your good. At the same time you must be vigilant and discerning as to what might be posing an actual threat or leading you astray.  The goal is to balance that faith and trust with information, knowledge and understanding by being practical, realistic and prepared without becoming or succumbing to an alarmist, getting caught up in others’ fears or letting your imagination run wild – because it’s almost never as bad as we think it will be.

There is a school of thought that says the opposite of love is fear, which makes sense since the way to overcome fear is with courage, a word whose Latin root means ‘heart’, the muscle we use to express – you got it: love. So whatever it is you are currently afraid of,  Put a Little Love in Your Heart and notice the fear starts to melt away.

Feeling like the Lion in the Land of Oz?  Give me a buzz and I’ll show you what fears are real and imagined, and help you develop the courage to move forward on your own personal yellow brick road. I promise you’ll be stronger, braver and wiser for having made the leap of faith to a new normal where you will wonder ‘what was I so afraid of in the first place’? 

(Originally posted on August 30, 2011)

Newton’s famous law states that a body at rest stays at rest and a body in motion will stay in motion until some external force acts upon it.  With our 24/7 always on, hyper-connected, over-achieving, digital info-media world, most 21st century Americans live in a flow of perpetual momentum with no end in sight. Neither extreme is good, so to balance ourselves we must consciously and continuously self-regulate and self-impose as a rejuvenating and/or preventative measure the act of stopping all activity from time to time. Yes, I said stop. all. activity.   

I think pretty much all the time, about practical and bigger picture things, reflecting on the state of the world, my life, my work, analyzing, understanding, observing and being as aware as possible every waking moment, and of course am not immune to the stresses that everyday life and being human entails.  This past weekend I ‘slept’ for almost an entire day. But not due of lack of zzzz’s, or being sick, depressed or eating bad food – simply because after everything I’ve been dealing with the past month or two, my mind, emotions and body needed for me to temporarily shut down. I had nothing pressing going on, which the wisdom in my body knew, and said to me as it does every now and then: time for a rest.  

Just like bears that hibernate each winter, we need to take a periodic pause – especially after or during a busy, challenging or stressful period to let our bodies be still on all levels so we can re-connect, re-group and emerge refreshed and re-energized to our lives and the tasks at hand. That means [gasp] disconnect from technology and interacting with other people if possible so as not to expend any physical, mental or emotional juice.  

You can sleep or not sleep but there should be no distractions, or even sound if you can swing it. And no thinking, no reading, no writing. And no guilt.  Just luxuriate in the nothingness. Schedule and treat it as if it were a doctor’s appointment or trip to a resort spa – because it is that crucial to your physical and mental health. In other words, why not give your body and mind a break before they break down on you?

Our society promotes getting it all done, all the time, which can take its toll when not interspersed with some serious downtime, which most folks only allow themselves when things have gotten so bad they are physically ill.  Keep in mind though that you might be getting enough sleep and eating right, and not have the flu, but when dealing with an ongoing stressful situation(s), you burn a different type of energy that needs to be replenished with rest.  And resting is different from relaxing…but if you can’t rest, then relaxing is better than nothing!   

Because I’m pretty good at daily maintenance, I am generally healthy and balanced (including a weekly 24-hour no-computer usage rule) so I know when it’s time to heed the call in order to nip anything else in the bud.(And hey, most of the news, entertainment, activity, tweets etc.you would be ‘missing’ is non-essential, irrelevant and often nonsensical anyway – so really, let it go!)

Stress is inevitable, it’s how we manage it that counts, and rest plays a big part. Need help getting going or putting on the brakes? Give me a buzz and I can be the external force that gets the ball moving or the hand that stops you in your track, so you can get back on the right one! 

For related thoughts on this topic check out:  The Pleasure Principle and Slow Down You Move to Fast

Actors, when interviewed about their craft, often talk about finding out what the ‘truth’ of the situation is for their part; Shakespeare tells us “all the world’s a stage; all the men and women merely players.”

We are all characters in our own play or movie acting out daily scenes, but it’s easy to forget that we’re also the producers, writers and directors, especially when it comes to our relationships.  We can cast to a certain extent who is in our life, assign them certain roles and create all the drama, comedy and romance that we want.  We can even re-write the script when we have the courage to do so.

The best way to do this is to be honest with yourself so that you can communicate from the heart exactly what it is that you want and need. Most of us do not walk around with ESP, so it’s really up to you to say what you mean and mean what you say (in an appropriate way, of course!) and let the chips fall where they may, knowing that you honored what is real and true for you.

If it’s not a common practice, speaking your truth can feel uncomfortable and even messy, and can make you or the other person feel like a deer in headlights- but at least you’ll get to the bottom of things and set the stage to make the next scene better.

You can run but you can’t hide from the truth, and telling it to yourself is the first step.  If you’re too scared or unable to see it, give me a buzz – I can be the spotlight that illuminates what’s really going on and help you create the starring role with a happy ending you so deserve!

(Today’s PGG was originally posted May 18, 2010)