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When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl

I recently read about a pill being developed that would erase unpleasant memories, kind of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind-ish. Of course I was appalled. It’s bad enough the American public is seduced by quick fixes to deal with many physical ailments that a simple change in diet and exercise, a reduction in stress, self-love and a little mind/body/spirit elbow grease would take care of. Now they want to get rid of negative memories?!?! We’re already a society who over-eats, over-drinks/drugs, over-sexes, over-technologizes, over-works and over-realityshows to avoid what we’re feeling!

There’s a saying that many athletic coaches and trainers use: No pain, no gain. Yes, that can certainly apply to losing 20 pounds or training for a marathon, but it applies to our inner workouts as well. As humans we like to avoid pain as much as possible, but pain can be a very useful tool if we let it. Emotional, mental, physical or spiritual/soul pain shows us where we’re out of wack and where attention needs to be paid and adjustments made in order to learn and grow in any area of our life.

To the extent that you are ‘asleep’ is the proportion in which the Universe is going to use some big ‘ole version of its alarm clock to ‘wake you up’ and give you a big kick in the butt to do something about it. And a kick in the butt doesn’t feel too good, but we all need one now and then to propel us into action. Most of us don’t want to endure prolonged suffering, so the pain forces us to take action. In other words, as I mentioned in the Well & Good.com article I was featured in, we often need to have a breakdown in order to have a breakthrough.

And remember that without pain we wouldn’t know joy. When we are experiencing something akin to the ‘dark night of the soul,’ think of the caterpillar who thought the world was over just before it became a butterfly, and that ‘it’s always darkest before dawn.’ Sometimes we just need to ‘go there’ – these are the times that are meant to test our mettle and force us to rise up like the phoenix from the ashes in order to evolve into a better version of ourselves – and who wouldn’t want that?

So if you’re feeling like you’re about to crack, have been sleepwalking a little too long, or need someone to push you off that diving board, just Let Go, jump in, what are you waiting for? Give me a buzz and we’ll find the amazing beauty in whatever type of breakdown is occurring in your life.

Today’s PGG was orginally posted April 24, 2012

For related thoughts on this topic, check out my posts: Fear Factor, And S/he Was, The Roof is On Fire

Well, not exactly, but I am happy to announce that three of my PGG posts have been used as articles (and glamified, I might add) in the May/June 2013 issue of the new Inspire Virtual Mag hailing from one of my favourite (notice the spelling…) places on the planet, Cape Town, South Africa.

Click here for their site where you can learn more and download the latest issue for free

You can see my contributor profile on page 16

People Who Need People article on page 24

Your Epidermis is Showing article on page 119

Disconnected (Apples & Oranges) article on page 149

This is when things like the internet come in handy – how else could the publisher have found me from halfway around the world?? Enjoy!

When we listen with the intent to understand others, rather than with the intent to reply, we begin true communication building. ~ Steven Covey

While sitting in Bryant Park recently, two bright young lads approached me and asked some very personal questions about my thoughts on life.  Although they didn’t come right out and say it, turns out they were missionaries for the Unification Church, otherwise known as the Moonies.

The funny thing is that the very day before I had watched an interview with the creators of the highly acclaimed new* musical, Book of Mormon and the topic of missionaries and religion was top of mind, so I was more open than usual to engage with them while soaking up some sun.

Instead of automatically dismissing them, I asked questions about where they were from, what they had experienced since they’d been in NYC and what they hoped to gain while here. I did offer my opinion about how trying to convince people of what to believe was a pretty fruitless endeavor, that each individual is on their own path and needs to come to their own understanding of religion, spirituality etc in their own way, in their own time.

I suggested that they should just do what they love, be the best version of themselves they can be and that in itself would do more than anything else. I hoped that they would savor this experience of traveling and meeting so many different types of people from themselves (one was from Wyoming, the other from Washington State), which would do more to enrich their lives and connection to humanity than actually recruiting others to their belief system.

It was a pleasant and respectful conversation, and I think we each came away feeling it was a positive interaction.  And I did ask about some of the principles and mission of the church, which I did not necessarily disagree with, as I can always find points of connection with just about anyone – because there is a little bit of all of us in each other and a little bit of truth in everything if you listen and look for it, and we have much more in common than we think we do.

With so much anti-Muslim sentiment and political divisiveness these days, on top of a crumbling planet and economy, Brotherly (& Sisterly!) Love, under whatever label you’d like to call it, is the only glue that will hold together a planet currently patched together, to coin a good friend’s term, with ‘bubble gum and rubber bands.’

So if you’re feeling like Humpty Dumpty, Little Bo Peep’s lost sheep or Michael Stipe, give me a buzz and I’ll proselytize you to yourself, converting you into your biggest believer, so you can get out there and make your corner of the world a little brighter for us all!

 (*Today’s PGG was originally posted on March 29, 2011)

There is a tree outside my window that marks the passage of time with its cycle of leaves that float to the ground in Autumn, whose branches remain bare throughout the Winter until one day I wake up to find they have sprouted little buds that eventually turn into the lush greenery of Summer, only to then slowly turn yellow, fall off and go dormant again until the Spring. No matter how extreme the weather is – and we’ve had some doozies lately – my little tree never ceases to amaze me with its remarkable and reliable transformation year in and year out.

Most of us who are either born or become city slickers find ourselves existing in a concrete jungle filled with technological wonder and have to make a conscious effort to get our green on. But spending time in Nature is not just about breathing fresh air and taking a hike in the forest or swim at the beach – it’s about realigning ourselves with how the world really works, not how us humans have manipulated or want it to be.

It’s easy to forget that we are made up of the same elements as the trees, birds, oceans and stars and have within us an innate nature, that if we tune into it, will always serve us exactly as it should – but this means we must tune out the loud voices and headlines screaming for our attention telling us how we should feel, what we should do when, who we should be afraid of, or what we should buy; we need to block out the many warped perceptions of how long things should take and in what way they should transpire.

Spending quality time with yourself each day strengthens your ‘you muscle’ so you can get to know, love and accept who you are and operate accordingly. Music is a powerful tool to counteract the ‘noise’ of the day and get you into your own space, so make sure you are feeding your soul with a good dose of melodies, harmonies and/or lyrics that uplift, soothe or energize depending on what you need at that moment to create peace in your little world.

What if you don’t quite fit in the status quo? For example, being an introvert and a night owl living in a society that favors and rewards extroverts and early birds might require more effort to assert and maintain, but the more you go with your own flow and march to the beat of your own drum, the less stressed and more rewarding life will be.

You can then experience the joy of synchronicity, because it is when you are so connected to yourself and with the Universe that ‘magic’ happens: you see a scene or hear a line in a movie or come across a book that speaks directly to you, find out about an event or run into a person that helps get you your dream job, or perhaps receive an unexpected check in precisely the amount you needed just in the nick of time. It all comes down to having trust and faith in yourself and your path; and trusting in the very process of life itself is the best way to honor being alive.

Those of you who know me know that one of my favorite sayings is that everything happens ‘in time and on time’. In Eastern philosophy this goes hand in hand with the concept of Wu Wei, loosely translated as “non-action” or “effortless doing’. I am also here to remind you to have patience, because life doesn’t happen overnight or like an instant message; there is ebb and flow, a shedding and a blossoming and an unfoldment that is under the control of something far wiser than our little pea brains.

Feeling a bit tone deaf trying to find your own rhythm in a world of distraction and dissonance? Give me a buzz and I can be like a piano teacher with a fancy metronome who gets you back in the groove to make beautiful music in every area of your life!

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY: Click here to take advantage of my special Spring Cleaning Coaching discount offer for April

P.S. For related thoughts on this topic, check out my posts: Tangible Schmangible, Leap of Faith, Just Go With It , and One Day at a Time

I recently attended the funeral of a good friend’s father.  He was Ukrainian, along with most of his relatives and friends, so everything was conducted in his native language.  At the brunch after the burial, a woman stood up and read with great emotion what she had written on a few sheets of loose leaf paper while many of us choked up.

I saw her by the ladies room soon thereafter and mentioned how beautiful her speech was.  In broken English she went on about how she messed up and it didn’t come out the way she wanted etc.  I stopped her mid-sentence and said, “I don’t speak a word of Ukrainian.”  Puzzled, she replied, “Well, I just spoke from my heart.”  And I said, “Yes, that’s why it was so beautiful.”

I often begin my seminars reminding the audience that someday, hopefully in the very distant future, they will die.  Perhaps it’s morbid, but like change and taxes, death is one of the few certainties in life. When you look at your existence through that lens, before a crisis forces you to do so, it can be extremely powerful in helping to organize your thoughts and actions in a way nothing else can.

When we can accept it, our own mortality, or that of those closest to us, really puts things in perspective: what is it that we value, what and who do we hold dear, what is real and meaningful for us?  And when you look back on your life, how do you want to have used your time and energy while you were here?  What is the mark that you want to leave on the world? How do you want people to remember you when you are gone?

It reminds us that when all the external stuff falls away – what’s left?  You can’t take that designer bag, fancy car or impressive job title.  It cuts to the core and brings us to the one essential thing that every human being desires: to love and to be loved in return.

At the end of the day all you have is the impact of the life you led, mostly found in the close connections with others and memories you’ve shared.  We may never know the affect we’ve had on strangers, and family dynamics can of course be complicated, but remember, you choose your friends, and true friends who have been a part of your journey are precious; they are there regardless of too much time having passed or petty misunderstandings.

A crisis will always give us clarity as to what’s important and what we can offer one another.  If you let it, all that comes to the surface is love and compassion.  And to be there for someone, to have the opportunity to be a healing presence in whatever form that may take, is a gift for both the giver and receiver.

As we approach this significant week in two of the world’s major religions as well as embrace the energy of Spring*, think about which parts of yourself can bite the dust, giving way for the rebirth of and deeper commitment to honor and cherish your relationship with yourself and the healthy ones you have with others, to cultivate new connections that will enrich your journey, and to reaffirm your relationship to life itself.

Not sure what you would want to hear when you go or simply want to develop more fully all that you can’t leave behind?  Give me a buzz and I’ll help you Walk On, and be able to feel good about it all, here and now.

(*Today’s PGG was originally posted on April 4, 2012)

One Week Left!: Click here to take advantage of my special Spring Cleaning Coaching discount offer for April

 P.S. For other thoughts that might be appropriate this week, check out my posts: Beauty in the Breakdown , Let the Sunshine In, Validation Nation

Justice is what love looks like in public. Tenderness is what love feels like in private. ~ Cornel West

Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~ Plato

I’m a pretty even-keeled gal, and have become somewhat adept at managing/mitigating stress in my life, which I share with others through my work.  Part of that strategy includes limiting/filtering my daily dose of news and media so as not to get overwhelmed by the gloom and doom that is the majority of what is broadcast.

But lately I’ve been feeling like the character in that famous scene from the 1976 movie Network: ‘mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore.‘  Just pick a topic, whether our broken political system, the war on women’s reproductive health, the global economic mess and decline of the middle class, or vigilantes and blatant attacks both here and abroad, including massacres and ethnic cleansing, both overt and subtle, of particular races, religions, sexual orientations and nations. There are so many things under siege in our culture, society and around the world that it’s easy to get lulled into the feeling we can’t do anything, but we can take matters into our hands – in a responsible way.

Besides using your voice, signature and/or pocketbook to make a difference, we can check our egos at the door and let balanced emotions guide our actions, not uncontrolled rage or fear.  There is plenty of wonkiness/intellectual and pseudo-intellectual approaches to go around, and unfortunately pure hatred and insanity as well to fuel many an action, so the question that each of us needs to answer is: How can we inject more love, understanding and compassion in order to effect the change we want?

A good place to begin is to think about how we can create more justice and peace in our own lives, starting with our relationships. Are you unfairly punishing, harshly judging or incorrectly perceiving people closest to you whether family, friends or those you work with? Are the thoughts and actions towards yourself and others around you positive and constructive, or negative and destructive?  

Since today is the first day of Spring*, it’s a good time to clean out your mental and emotional closets as well as your physical ones.  By making more of a commitment to create your own just and peaceful world, only then can we expect it of the world around us. ‘Cause guess what? That world is made of us!

Do what you can to activate love and compassion within yourself, scan reactions and prejudices, don’t throw stones, and stand up for those who can’t.   Most of all, go easy on yourself – we’re often our own worst critics and judges and end up imprisoning ourselves and those around us because of it. Most people are doing the best as they can. As so eloquently stated in a TED Talk by Bryan Stevenson, remember that “Each of us is more than the worst thing we’ve ever done” and “Our humanity depends on everyone’s humanity.”  

Not quite sure where you need to balance the scales of justice in your life? Give me a buzz and I can be a softer, gentler version of Judge Judy, helping you to separate fact from fiction in your court of personal opinion so you can spring yourself from whatever slammer you’ve put yourself in!

Click here to take advantage of my Spring Cleaning Coaching discount offer

P.S. For related thoughts on this topic check out my posts: Let Love Rule, Deja Vu All Over Again

(*Today’s PGG was originally posted on March 20, 2012)

“A human mind is a wandering mind, and a wandering mind is an unhappy mind,” was the conclusion of a new Harvard study using an iPhone app.* It is a sentiment that many religions and philosophies have proclaimed for centuries that can best be summed up by the popular phrase, ‘be here now.’

If someone had a window into our minds, they’d see that we are almost never fully engaged in what is right in front of us, whether we’re thinking of something in the past or future, or simply not focused on the task at hand, and that causes unhappiness.

According to Andrew Bersnstein’s The Myth of Stress, it’s not the activity or situation itself that is a stressor, but our mind’s perception and reaction to it that causes the stress. So by recognizing the reality of the situation at that particular time, and really see why it is happening is a way to greatly reduce your adverse response to whatever is taking place.

I am always talking about process and ‘understanding where you’re at.’ Most unpleasant situations we find ourselves in are impermanent; by simply accepting the fact that they are temporary, you can greatly increase your sense of inner peace and balance. Because life is constantly in motion we need to learn how to just ‘go with the flow’ and know that ‘this too shall pass.’

Remember that if you show up, in your mind and also physically to that meeting or event or participating in that conversation, you’ve already done half the work and the Universe can meet you half way to create whatever it is you want or need.

Out of chaos always comes clarity. Need a little help living in the unknown and keepin’ it in real time? I can be your personal iPhone app that checks in to show you how to make sense of and the best out of anywhere you happen to be…

Click here to take advantage of my special Spring Cleaning Coaching discount offer for April

*Today’s PGG was originally posted on November 16 , 2010

For related thoughts on this topic, check out One Day at a Time

A regular Personal Growth Gab post will be back here next week, but since Spring has finally sprung (well, at least according to the calendar…!) I’ll be offering a special discount for my coaching services throughout the month of April.  

With the season’s energy of re-birth and re-generation it’s a great time to re-assess where you are at in your career and life, decide where you want to be going next and then plant the seeds to harvest come Fall!  Simply give me a buzz and we’ll get you on your way…

2013 Spring Cleaning Coaching Special

Take advantage of the opportunity this month to do a 360 of your life, clear the cobwebs and put a spring back in your step!Working with Kristina will give you the purpose, clarity and support you need with whatever personal and professional changes you want to make in order to become the most fulfilled version of yourself you can be.

Enjoy special rates now through April 30th*:

Scroll down for more info on all services

For new clients: 

*$50 discount on an Essential Self Consultation (Regularly $395)

*$20 discount on a 60-minute phone session (Regularly $150)

For returning clients a 10% discount on any of the following services:

*90-minute in person session (Regularly $225)
*60-minute phone session  (Regularly $150)
*Three session 90-minute in person package (Regularly $595)
*Three session 60-minute phone package (Regularly $390)

* To take advantage of the Spring Cleaning rates, please note that appointments must be scheduled and paid for prior to 4/30/13, and must take place no later than 5/15/13. Special rate three session packages must be paid for by 4/30/13 and be completed by 7/31/13

What’s it like working with me?  Click here for a list of comments from my September 2012 survey and find a few below:

 She has a laid-back approach, but don’t let that fool anyone. Her ability to read people is amazing and her assessments of how a person can enrich their lives/careers are spot-on. After she asked me lots of questions, she was somehow able to give me an assessment that was frighteningly accurate and illuminating.   

I like everything about how Kristina works because it almost seems custom made for the individual she is working with. 

Kristina gave me permission to be myself!  I can say no other person has empowered me in that way as much as she has – and I am TRULY forever grateful for that.   

A session with Kristina is always an investment in myself. I never feel like any time was wasted and I always leaving feeling better and more inspired than I did when I got there.

If there is another option you would like to consider that you do not see here, feel free to reach out to me.  I look forward to providing the clarity, balance and direction you need in order to enjoy the most fulfilling and peaceful life possible in 2013 and beyond!

Click here for more information  or Contact Kristina to schedule your appointment today

I rarely dedicate this space to anyone other than yours truly, but wanted to be sure you knew about the work of Dr. Brene Brown who I discovered over two years ago from a TED talk video that has also been viewed at this point by over 8 million other people.

The first time I watched her I thought – OMG she is able to articulate in 20 minutes, in a style that I can relate to, all that I understand, have experienced and am trying to help others with through my coaching and seminars! I was so impressed I shared the link with all my clients and friends, again, not something I normally do.

Well, here we are a couple years (and another very close to home TED talk) later and she just had a two-part conversation with Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. Oprah said it best when she called Brene an “ah-ha verifier” because she is able to put into words and has the data to back up what the big O has known, observed and intuited all these years, which is exactly the same reaction I had!

If you don’t care to watch the videos, I at least wanted to post an excerpt from her new book Daring Greatly, which I have not read, but the points/chapter titles they discussed on the show sound like I could have written them – and my clients will definitely recognize my methods and philosophy there…

Whether you are a parent or not, I believe this is how we should treat each other since we are all part of the human family, and is the key to happiness and peace on this very broken planet… be sure to scroll down to get the link for the complete version.

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Exerpts from The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto

by Dr. Brene Brown from her book Daring Greatly

Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions–the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.

I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging, and joy every time you see me practice self-compassion and embrace my own imperfections.

We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other.

Click here for the OWN page to read the entire manifesto or here for a free pretty download

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Inspired, stimulated, motivated, curious to do some work based on any of Brene’s themes? Give me a buzz so we can dig in and get you living with your whole heart, filled with meaning, purpose, compassion and connection, and above all love for yourself and for all those around you.

Contact me today to get a $50 discount on an Essential Self Consultation good until 4/30/13! (Regular rate is $395)

P.S. For those who are looking to read a more traditional PGG, check out my posts The Passion of Passover, All that You Can’t Leave Behind, or Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

In the best-selling book Eat, Pray, Love, Liz Gilbert visits a holy man in Bali who gives her a meditation to ‘smile in every part of your body, even in your liver’. This is a great way to activate the feelings of joy within…even just reading that makes you feel a little lighter and more relaxed doesn’t it?

Well, if that doesn’t do it, then what will? Whatever the thought or image is, make sure you get a daily dose in order to keep yourself young, happy and at peace. Doing so has numerous health benefits and when identified and used properly, is cheaper and better than any diet pill, drug or food out there!

Whether savoring a scoop of gelato, relishing in a job well-done, experiencing a romantic moment, or watching an episode of Glee, recognize and cherish those moments you feel joyful. Try to sustain and bathe in the sensation for as long as you can and be able to recall it when you need it the most.

I recently attended a friend’s musical that had me smiling from ear to ear, and from my heart, gut and, yes, even my liver for an hour and a half. If he had not followed his calling to create, I would not have enjoyed the positive mental, physical and emotional benefits that came along with it.

Everyone has the capacity to bring joy to the world, or at least to someone else. If you don’t believe me or are not quite sure how, gimme a buzz -because my work gives me such joy, it would be my pleasure, literally, to help you figure it out!

(This week’s PGG was originally posted on May 4, 2010)